Range of Motion
by fnur
Summary: Range of motion is the distance that a movable object may normally travel while properly attached to another. Katniss Everdeen is sent to physical therapy to help her range of motion after a shoulder injury. She did not expect the therapy, or the friendly patient she meets there, to be the catalyst for making motion in her life.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss Everdeen was used to pain. That may sound sad, but she did not think of it that way. She was used to the pain of aching bones and sore muscles earned from a long day at work. She wasn't bothered when she came home with a headache or foot pain from standing all day, because this pain reminded her that she was able to provide for herself and her little sister. The knowledge that Prim was able to go to sleep in a warm bed, with a roof over her head and a full stomach was enough to push Katniss through any discomfort, whether it was a pain in her shoulder or the stress of being her family's sole provider. Acknowledging her own suffering didn't do anyone any good, let alone Prim. All it did was make you weak.

But on the day when Katniss pulled back her right arm and felt a hot, searing pain that pushed the breath out of her lungs, she could not push it aside. She was preparing to shoot an arrow 200 yards away and win a challenge her best friend Gale had posed – most consecutive bull's eyes wins, and loser buys lunch. The action itself was one she had done thousands, if not millions of times, since her father taught her so many years ago. Perhaps it happened because she was tired; having worked so many consecutive days of 12-hour shifts as a park guide that she could not recall her last day off. Maybe the excitement of finally having a day off and actually having fun for once caused her to be lazy with her form. She would probably never learn exactly how she managed to injure her shoulder, but it did not change the fact that it was definitely injured.

The pain was sharp and intense and caused her to drop her beloved bow to the ground. Katniss grabbed the back of her right shoulder with her left arm and tried to blink away the tears pushing against the corners of her eyes. Gale ran over and picked up her bow, and placed his hand on her back in concern.

"Catnip, what happened?" He was the only one allowed to call her that nickname, and the familiarity was comforting as she tried to steady her breathing.

"I'm not sure… I pulled back and it felt like someone stabbed me in the shoulder. Just give me a minute, it'll be fine."

Gale led Katniss back a few yards to the tailgate of his truck. She leaned against it and tried to breathe through the pain, ignoring the look of concern Gale held. This was supposed to be a day off so she could enjoy herself, damnit.

"Figures we'd both finally have a day off together and you'd have to go and get injured."

Katniss looked up from the ground and glared at him. "I am not injured. And you've had plenty of days off."

"They're not as much fun without your sparkling personality." Gale smirked. "Besides, that's how my shifts work. Twenty days of work, then ten days off. Rinse and repeat."

There were a lot of things that Katniss liked about her job as a park guide in District 12 Park, and one of the biggest ones was working with her best friend from childhood. Gale was a park ranger, having landed the job immediately after getting his degree in forestry and interning with the department during the summers. He now worked in the various parks of the state, clearing and maintaining the grounds and trails. It seemed like a dream job to Katniss, but it was off limits to her because she did not have a college degree. Maybe one day Panem's Parks and Recreation Department would loosen the rules, but she couldn't afford to stop working to get her degree. She needed to provide for Prim now, because no one else would. Her father had passed away from a sudden heart attack during Katniss's senior year of high school, and her mother might as well have died, too. She lived a few hours away with her brother now, leaving Katniss and Prim to themselves. Katniss abandoned her college plans to start working, but she was determined to make sure that Prim would fulfill her dream of being a doctor, which meant every spare penny went to the college fund. She just wished the college fund wasn't just the nickname she had for a large water jug full of spare change and crumpled singles.

Being a park guide meant she mostly manned the visitor's center, handing out maps and answering questions to the local residents. But once in a while she got to lead a hike, or help out during park clean-ups, or even lead a group of kids and their parents in the woods to spot local florae. It was these times in the woods that she felt happy, and Gale told her it was the only time she ever smiled.

These thoughts allowed Katniss to keep her mind off the pain in her shoulder until Gale poked his finger along the edge of her collarbone. She would have punched him for that, if it didn't bring a fresh wave of pain throughout her shoulder so intense she shouted out every curse word she could think of.

Gale sighed. "You're definitely injured. Come on, let's go."

"You don't need to take me home."

"I'm not. We're taking you to Urgent Care." He opened the truck's passenger door for her, which he knew annoyed the shit out of her.

"I don't _need_ to go to Urgent Care, and I don't _need_ you to open the door for me. I'm not helpless."

Gale rolled his eyes, a typical reaction for him. "Shut up and get in the truck. You should get that looked at before you injure it any more. Besides, Prim will tell you the same thing and I know you'd do it for her."

He was really insufferable when he was right. But she refused to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging it, not during the 15 minute car ride to the clinic, or when he had to fill out her paperwork in the waiting room because the pain was shooting down her right arm and made it impossible to write, or when she finished with the doctor's exam and found Gale in the waiting room, reading an outdated news magazine for the third or fourth time.

He raised an eyebrow at her new accessory. "That sling is great, Catnip. Really brings out your cheekbones."

"I can still hit you with my left hand, you know." She sat down in the plastic chair next to him and handed her new pile of papers to Gale. Dr. Aurelius had examined her shoulder and proclaimed that she had the classic symptoms of a torn rotator cuff. He wrote a prescription for a pain reliever (which she did not plan to use) and made a referral for her to see a physical therapist (which she did not plan to do). All she cared about was that it would hopefully heal on its own and not need surgery.

Gale glanced at the physical therapy brochure. "I know this place. A buddy of mine works there. And it's near your house, so that'll be easy for you. And _yes_, you _are_ going to this," he told her before the inevitable refusal had a chance to form in her mouth. "Look, a torn rotator cuff is nothing to mess with. If you don't take care of it, it could hurt forever. Do you really want to live in pain for the rest of your life?"

But she was used to pain, and he knew she just might be stubborn enough to refuse treatment in some misguided attempt to prove a point.

Gale sighed. "Put it this way – do you really want to risk never using your bow again?" And that was what convinced her. The idea of never feeling the pull of the bowstring against her lips as she narrowed her focus to the target was a little bit heartbreaking. Because her heart was broken enough that her father was no longer there to see her hit the bull's eye every time. Her bow was actually her father's, and using it was the only time she still felt close to him. Sometimes when she raised her bow, she closed her eyes and could pretend that her dad was next to her again.

Gale really was insufferable when he was right.

"Fine. But you're buying lunch today."

"Only because I'm such a nice guy… because technically, you lost."

Victory Physical Therapy sounded like a stupid name for a place where Katniss would be subjected to 6-8 weeks of torture. She didn't feel particularly victorious when she pulled into the parking lot for her first session. If anyone was a victor, it was Gale and Prim for convincing her to keep the appointment. Her first encounter with them was the day after her injury, when she was told by an insufferably chirpy voice on the phone that she had an appointment with them later in the week for an initial assessment and rehabilitation discussion with one of their physical therapists. Katniss was told to wear comfortable clothes she could exercise in, and to prepare for a "big, big, big day!" She learned that day that it _was_ possible to roll your eyes hard enough to give yourself a headache.

She was thankful that this place had flexible hours, and she was able to snag a 6:00 am appointment that allowed her to be seen before she had to go into work. Gale told her that his friend Finnick worked there, and they opened early enough for student athletes to be seen before school started. _Great_… She figured she would be surrounded by the sort of hulking Neanderthals she remembered from her high school's football team. At least she did not have to worry about anyone trying to push her into a locker here… _right? Maybe. Perhaps this was a bad idea. Prim. Think of Prim. And Dad_.

Her nerves were the last thing on her mind once she entered the building, because she was visually assaulted by the most ridiculous person she had ever seen. Sitting behind a reception desk in the lobby was a woman (at least she _seemed _to be human) with a large updo of bright pink, curly hair. Her hair was piled on top of her head in some sort of elaborate hair do that was anchored by sparkly hair clips. Her hair was the exact shade of her garish lipstick, and they framed the bright green eyeshadow caked on her lids. She wore a neon green skirt suit that was probably very fashionable in some country, but it really just looked uncomfortable with all of the seams and tucks and poufy shoulders. She certainly could not exercise in it, so it seemed pretty pointless here.

"You must be Katniss! Welcome, welcome. We spoke on the phone – I'm Effie, the intake coordinator here. We are so pleased to have you here at Victory Physical Therapy!"

_The creature speaks!_ Katniss should have known that the ridiculous voice matched an equally ridiculous looking person. She shook Effie's proffered hand and mumbled a hello.

"I'll let your therapist know that you're here. He'll be with you in just a moment – I'm sure he can't wait to work with you!"

Effie disappeared through the double doors behind the reception desk before Katniss could even attempt to hold back what she thought was a well-deserved eye roll. She sat down and adjusted her sling. Maybe she could leave before Effie got back. Her shoulder didn't hurt as much, maybe the time in the sling was helping it and she didn't need to bother with this. Maybe…

"Well, sweetheart, are you coming or what?"

Sticking his head out of the double doors was someone who did not look like a physical therapist by any stretch of Katniss's imagination. In fact, this guy looked like an old drunk. His dirty blonde hair hung in his face, and his company-issued red polo with the corporate logo had some sort of stain on the front of it. The scowl on his face made it seem as if he was tired of her wasting his time already.

"Excuse me?" she asked incredulously.

"I'm Haymitch, and I'm your PT. And I'm pretty sure your insurance isn't paying for you to just sit there and fidget, so let's get a move on." He opened the door for her to follow, and as she got close to him she smelled the distinct scent of vodka on him. _Great. A drunk physical therapist was going to fix my shoulder. It's more likely that gold coins will start flying out of my ass._

He led her into a large room, about the size of a basketball court. On one end was a row of patient tables, like the one she sat on when Dr. Aurelius examined her shoulder. The rest of the room was filled with various equipment – there were some treadmills and stationary bikes and some machines that looked like torture devices with weights, stacks of mats and a big display of exercise balls and what looked like giant rubber bands. Every wall was covered in floor-to-ceiling mirrors, and why not? If Katniss was going to be tortured, she might as well see it from every angle.

Haymitch stopped at one of the tables and indicated for her to sit as he opened a folder with her name on it. He pulled a pair of worn plastic reading glasses from his pocket and slipped them on as he began to read her file.

"Looks like you screwed the pooch on your shoulder. What were you doing when it happened?" Haymitch asked gruffly.

Katniss glared at him. "Screwed the pooch? Is that the medical term for a torn rotator cuff?"

He smirked at her. "Yes, it is. And if you want me to help you develop a rehabilitation plan to get you out of that sling, perhaps you can play nice?"

Gale would love this Haymitch guy. He's insufferable when he's right, too.

She felt him staring expectantly at her and she looked down at the sling. "I was out shooting arrows. I had been doing it for almost an hour, and had no problems. I nocked my last arrow and drew back the bowstring. Then, I felt this sharp pain at my shoulder."

"And the doctor told you it was a torn rotator cuff?" he asked. She nodded, and Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"Well, it _could_ be, but we need to do a lot more testing to make sure. I just love when people do my job for me. Take the sling off."

He spent the next 20 minutes examining her shoulder, back and arm. When he asked her to lift her arm over her head, she was unable to lift it past her shoulder before pain and a growing stiffness prevented it from further movement. She was surprised to discover that she could barely lift more than a few pounds with her right arm. As Haymitch lifted her arm at various angles, he explained that he was checking her shoulder for weakness, imbalance, and decreased range of motion. Eventually, he grabbed her folder and sat down at the end of the table, scribbling notes on the paper.

She waited for him to talk to her, but he said nothing. Was he done? Could she go home now? Did he know what was wrong with her?

"Well?" she asked.

Haymitch looked at her over his reading glasses with a look of perfectly practiced indifference. "Well, what? Your rotator cuff is torn. A partial tear with no impingement, if you want to get fancy about it."

_Nice of him to share._ "So, what happens now?" she asked impatiently.

He closed the folder and took off his glasses to look at her. "Now, we try to fix it. We're gonna try non-operative treatment, which means I get to see your smiling face in here twice a week for an hour at a time, and I'm gonna give you some homework so you can strengthen your arm at home. After a few weeks, we'll do another assessment of your shoulder and make sure it's healing. But if you push your recovery too hard, or try to take on too much before that rotator cuff is healed, you'll make it worse and you'll need surgery. And if you don't do the physical therapy, you may never get your strength or range of motion back into that arm. Either way, you're screwed. So feel free to make yourself at home here, because I'm gonna be your new best friend for a while."

He just _had_ to smirk at that last sentence.

She looked around to assess her new "home". Thankfully, she did not see any of the hulking football-types she had feared. In fact, there were only a couple of people in there. A small girl with milk chocolate skin and large brown eyes was balancing on her right foot on top of a small foam block. A few yards to her right was a man who looked to be in his early 20's like Katniss, with wavy blonde hair and light blue eyes. He was slowly pedaling on a stationary bike and laughing at something said by his trainer, a young woman with short, spiky brown hair whose company-issued polo looked to be about three sizes too small.

There were worse ways to spend an hour a day, twice a week, she figured. Katniss was just having trouble of thinking of any right now.

"Fine," she replied with a complete lack of enthusiasm. "Let's get started."

Haymitch ran her through a series of simple movements that looked easy enough but proved very difficult upon execution. Just a series of ten side lifts with a three-pound weight caused her to break out into a sweat. She felt weak, and that was something she hated more than anything. Weakness was unacceptable to Katniss because being weak meant giving up, and she could not afford to do that. Her mother was weak, and she was _not_ her mother. So she did what she always did and tried to ignore the pain. She gritted her teeth and pushed through the sets of arm lifts and modified push-ups and shoulder shrugs, but by the time Haymitch directed her to the hand bike, her right arm shook with muscle fatigue, and she kind of hated herself and just wanted to run away so no one could see her vulnerability.

"Five minutes here, sweetheart. Then we ice your shoulder and you're done." Haymitch started his timer and walked away as she started on the machine.

_Ice and then done?_ That was the best thing Haymitch had said all day. The promise of cold relief on her aching shoulder was enough to get her through the first minute on the hand bike, and she tried to focus on the relief of finishing her session to get her through the rest.

"Is this your first session?"

Katniss looked up from her self-imposed daze to see the blond guy from earlier smiling at her. He was still on the stationary bike and looked like he was waiting for an answer.

"Um… yeah," she said. _Go away weirdo, I don't want to talk to anyone_. She looked to the clock to see if she was any closer to finishing.

"I thought so. Sucks you had to get Haymitch for your first one, but he does ease up eventually. Although, you'll probably work with some different trainers as well," he replied with a friendly smile.

_Super, maybe they'll be drunk assholes, too._ Katniss continued to look at the clock, hoping that her lack of response would give this guy the hint that she was not interested in chatting.

"I'll tell you though" - _ok, maybe not_ - "mornings are usually easier with Haymitch because his hangover hasn't kicked in yet. If you slip him some booze, he might go easy on you."

Katniss laughed at that comment despite her efforts to remain indifferent to him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him smiling. She turned to him and saw his smile intensify, reaching the corners of his blue eyes which seemed to be focused on her.

"I'm Peeta. Torn ACL."

She wasn't aware that the right side of her mouth was beginning to turn upward, but he was.

"I'm Katniss. Um... torn rotator cuff."

"Nice to meet you. How did you get injured?" he asked.

_Maybe if I just talk, the last minute of this will go faster. _"Um, I guess I went a little nuts shooting arrows, and next thing I knew, I couldn't move my arm."

Peeta nodded. "I know how that goes. Personally, I tore my ACL when I was using my nun chucks, fighting off zombies."

_Is this guy really making fun of me? _She turned her head away from Peeta and resumed her watch on the clock.

He started laughing. "I'm kidding! Sorry, it's just that you were talking about the arrows, and lots of people like to make up stories about their injury so it sounds like they were doing something really awesome and heroic when they injured it. But really, most people get injured taking out the trash or scratching their back or something else normal."

"Shooting is normal for me. I've been doing it since I was seven." She still refused to look at him, but she had a perfect picture in her mind of showing him exactly what she could do with her bow and arrow. _Right in the face._

Peeta smiled. "That's really cool. And truthfully, I got hurt when I was trying to show off to my team. I'm a wrestling coach over at Merchant High School, and was trying to demonstrate a move to my boys. Next thing I know… POP! They may not have learned how to escape from a clinch, but at least they got to see a grown man cry."

She laughed before she could stop herself, and immediately bit her tongue to stop upon realizing it. _OK, maybe not in the face. Just in the shoulder._ She was about to ask what a clinch was when she was again assaulted by the scent of vodka and sweat.

"Time's up, sweetheart. Let's get some ice on it." Haymitch motioned for her to follow him, then stopped and turned to Peeta. "Boy, hasn't she had you on that bike long enough?"

"Don't ask me, I'm not arguing with her," Peeta replied as he put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, which earned a deep laugh (and about ten seconds of coughing) from Haymitch.

"I'll get her ass out here as soon as I'm done with sweetheart."

Katniss felt ridiculous. "My name is Katniss, you know," she snapped.

Haymitch snorted. "Hell, I'll never remember that. Let's go, sweetheart."

He led her to a table and stepped over to a large chrome cabinet full of ice. As he filled a plastic bag, Katniss looked over to Peeta who shot her a sympathetic smile. Even though it had been a long time since she smiled regularly, her mouth remembered the movement and curled up in response. When Haymitch wrapped a plastic bag of ice around her aching shoulder, her smile threatened to split her face in half. _Finally_. As her eyes closed in relief, Haymitch threw a stack of papers in her lap.

"These are your exercises to do at home. These are all movements we've practiced here, so you should have no questions about how to do them. Do three sets of ten every day. And be sure to ice it at home when you're done. I want you here every Monday and Thursday, and we'll assess your progress and modify the exercises as you get stronger. Now sit here for five minutes, and you're done. Keep the sling off from now on, or the joint will get stiff."

Haymitch walked away before she could finish looking over the papers. It wasn't a problem, because she certainly did not feel like chatting with him. She looked over to where Peeta had been but saw that his own trainer was now leading him to a weight machine on the other side of the room. The small girl from earlier was putting on her jacket and walking through the double doors to leave. Haymitch had already disappeared – _probably going to pass out somewhere _– and she was left to her own devices. She sat back and tried to relax, thankful that the music being piped in to the room wasn't half bad.

Normally she'd be tapping her right index finger and thumb to the beat of the music, but she didn't think she'd even be able to lift those fingers right now. But there was nothing stopping her from closing her eyes and humming along to the melody. It was a pop song that Prim loved, one that always made her shriek and turn up the radio when she heard it, much to Katniss' amusement. Before she knew it, Katniss was quietly singing along to the chorus, keeping her eyes closed as the ice soothed her shoulder.

Because her eyes were closed, she didn't notice that the room was empty except for Peeta. She also didn't notice that he had stopped his own exercises, and was looking at her with eyes full of wonder and even a bit of adoration. She didn't see that his mouth had dropped open just a little bit, and she certainly couldn't see inside his chest. If she could, she would see that his heart had skipped a beat, just in time with the music.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks to everyone for reading! And big thanks to for-prim for being an awesome beta. If you have not already, please check out her fic "Heroes and Thieves"._

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters. I don't even own my car._

Work had been particularly tough for Katniss last week. She no longer had to wear the sling, but the recurring ache along her shoulder's joint served as a constant reminder of her limitations. Her job wasn't extraordinarily active, certainly not like Gale's. But Katniss was right-handed, and the pain in her shoulder demanded attention every time she had to write down a phone message, point out the entrance to the western trail to visitors, or even as she pulled her dad's faded hoodie on to fight the chill from the office's overly enthusiastic air-conditioning unit. She had tried doing more things with her left hand, but her boss put a stop to that the first time he tried to decipher her opposite-handed scribble.

"What the hell does this say… bite-clock?" Seneca Crane, the park's director holding up the slip of paper to the light as he studied the awkward writing.

Katniss grabbed the piece of paper and sighed.

"It's nightlock. One of the rangers called during patrol to say he spotted some bushes along the eastern greenway, so we need to put in a requisition for it to be removed. It's an invasive species so it may take a full day or two for the removal. But if it's not removed, it can kill animals in the area."

"I'm not certain we need to pull rangers off of a planned trail clearing just to save Bambi and Thumper," he smirked while stroking his beard. That was a constant habit of her boss – rubbing his beard as if it were a beloved pet. He grew it to "fit in" with the tough-guy rangers he managed, but it was far too groomed to achieve the desired effect. "But, some dumb kid will probably try to eat it, and then we'd all get sued. Type up the requisition and emphasize the need for visitor safety, and then I'll sign it. Get it to me before lunch and we can have it approved in time to be on tomorrow's work list."

Typing was something she could do with her left hand, it just took a while. Between the slow progress on the keyboard and stopping to answer phone calls about next week's scheduled nature walks, it took her a few hours to finish what Seneca expected to be done in 30 minutes.

When he finished reading the requisition, he signed it and placed it on his desk before leaning back in his chair and clearing his throat. From the way he tapped his fingers together and stared at her, she knew a lecture was coming.

"Why did this take so long to complete? It's 3:00 pm, Katniss. There's no way we can get this filed in time to start removal tomorrow," he said.

_Stay calm, stay cool. Just apologize._

"I'm sorry, Mr. Crane. I was interrupted a lot with phone calls, and had to type with my left hand. There's still a lot of pain when I use my right hand to write or type."

"That explains the bad handwriting as well. I've never pegged you as the type of girl who would make excuses, Katniss. Has this job become too much for you to handle? If you need some time off to recover, you can take some leave and I'm sure we'll be able to find someone very willing to take over your duties during your absence," he explained.

Katniss knew he wasn't suggesting this out of concern for her own well-being. Sure, she could take some time off, but she did not get much of it to use, and she wanted to save that in case Prim was ill or for the holidays. Anything else on top of that would be unpaid leave, and she could not afford that. More importantly, she could not risk losing her job to someone else. She and Prim were already living paycheck to paycheck, and the medical bills for her shoulder would be coming soon. Her insurance company had told her they would only pay a portion of the physical therapy visits – the rest was up to her.

She gave him her very best impersonation of a smile and hoped he would be convinced.

"Mr. Crane, that's very nice of you to offer, but it won't be a problem. I promise I'll find a way to work through it and get back up to speed." _Please don't fire me. Please don't fire me._

His mouth rose into a suspicious smile, and he stroked his beard again. "Just make sure to get things done in a timely manner, and we won't have a problem. When you can't do your work, I can't do my work. Understand?"

"Yes sir," she mumbled. It was taking a lot of effort to roll her eyes, considering the majority of his "work" was updating Facebook. She picked up the signed form and left his office to fax it in to the parks and recreation department and the ranger dispatch center. The rest of the day moved by fast enough, and it wasn't too long before she was driving home, looking forward to a hot dinner (_pizza delivery!_), some quality time with Prim (_I really hope she doesn't make me watch that stupid singing competition show tonight…_) and ice for her shoulder. She had another PT session the next morning, and her shoulder needed a rest from the day.

It was Katniss's third PT session, and she was starting to hate it a little less. Haymitch mostly ignored her during her second session, and she spent a lot of time people watching the other patients during her exercises. There had been a big "football-type" guy named Cato who was recovering from an ankle sprain. He was blonde and tall with big shoulders and even bigger arms, and he seemed to hold a confidence that Katniss would never have – the sort of self-assurance that came easily to those who always got their way. He was trying to get back in shape before summer tryouts for quarterback at his college. And there was Clove, a short, dark-haired girl who bragged about the injury she inflicted on her opponent during a soccer game. She wasn't pleased about injuring her knee in the process of giving the other team's forward a concussion and dislocated shoulder, but she was pleased that her injury was temporary while the other girl's had a more lasting effect. From the way Cato and Clove looked at each other, Katniss would not be surprised if they practiced "physical therapy" outside of the sessions.

Peeta was there again, and she learned that he also had two 6:00 am sessions a week. His knee was operated on the previous week to reconstruct his ACL, and he was still on crutches between sessions. Katniss was miserable during the three days that she had to wear a sling, and she could not imagine anything worse than being confined to crutches for three weeks. It would mean no hikes in the woods, no leading visitors to various areas of the park, no hunting, and no freedom. Since his injury was on his right leg and he still could not put weight on it, he was not even allowed to drive. He said he had been getting around town by carpooling with coworkers and friends.

Katniss still did not feel much like talking during the second session, even when Peeta tried to engage her in small talk. But even though the idle chatter of other people usually annoyed her, she found that she liked listening to this friendly, fair-haired man who had this ability to spin everything into a positive light. When she went for a third session, she was surprised to find that she was looking forward to seeing him. The next morning, she opened the door with a slight smile on her face that wasn't caused by the sight of Effie's zebra-print pantsuit and purple hair.

But then she met her other trainer.

"Well, well, well… Haymitch didn't tell me you were such a fox."

That was how Finnick Odair chose to greet Katniss the first time they met. Not "hi" or "good morning". _Does anyone here know how to just say hello?_

When he greeted her with his horrible pick-up line, she couldn't help but wonder if he regularly hit on female patients, and how many of them had been stupid enough to fall for it.

Katniss rolled her eyes in response to him and said, "I'm pretty sure it's not fox-hunting season right now."

Finnick laughed and held his hand out to her. "Then it's a good thing the prey usually comes to me. I'm Finnick, and I'll be your PT today. Are you ready to get started, my little sugar cube?"

_Seriously?_ _Can anyone here learn my name?_

"Isn't Haymitch available?" she complained.

He grabbed his chest as if suffering from a great heartache. "Miss Everdeen, I'm hurt. No one has ever preferred Mr. Grumpy to me. Besides, he's not on the schedule today."

_If this Finnick guy gets to be too much, I can always threaten him with my bow. Of course, my shoulder has to heal first._ That was as good of a reason as any to push through the day's PT, so she followed Finnick through the double doors.

"Only you, Rue, and Peeta in the arena today," he said as he led her to a table. She hopped on and took off her tattered sweatshirt so he could examine her shoulder.

"The arena?" she asked, confused.

The right side of Finnick's mouth curled up into a smirk as he probed her shoulder joint. "It's what Johanna and I call this space. Sounds better than 'big room of equipment', doesn't it?"

She looked around the arena and recognized Peeta, his back to her as he slowly bent and extended his right leg in front of him while his trainer watched. To his left was the small girl from her first session – _that must be Rue._ She did not look a day over twelve and moved around with the grace of a small bird as she balanced on one leg to lean over and touch the ground.

Finnick stretched her arm out to the side. "Have you had a lot of stiffness in your shoulder joint?"

She tried not to grimace - she did not want him to see that this simple stretch was actually pretty painful. "Um, a little, I guess. It's not too bad."

He cocked an eyebrow and leaned in to the side of her face. "I know your secret. I can tell this hurts, you know. You're not doing yourself any favors by trying to ignore the pain," he whispered in her ear.

_So much for that acting career. _"Ok, it kind of hurts. But it's not a big deal," she tried to assure him. "It really is starting to feel better than it did last week."

His teeth flashed as he gave her another cocky smile. "I'm sure it does. Let's try to make it feel even better, shall we? We're going to stick to last week's routine. Your shoulder isn't strong enough to take on any additional stress yet."

It felt like they were treating her like a fragile creature… like a _weak_ _girl_, and it infuriated her. But she could not deny that her shoulder hurt. _I'll just have to push twice as hard at therapy and at home, _she thought to herself.

Finnick led her to the resistance bands and free weights, and she started her routine of arm lifts. The weight was only three pounds, but it felt like a ton to her injured arm.

_Shouldn't it be easier by now?_ She didn't expect to heal overnight, but she was surprised that it was still so hard. Every night, she faithfully performed the at-home exercises while Prim counted out her reps. Sometimes when Prim wasn't looking, she would sneak in a few extra reps. Once completed, she would place a bag of frozen peas on her shoulder and rest while Prim sat next to her on the sofa and talked about her day.

She had survived two sessions with Haymitch and he had barely grunted more than two words to her at a time. Finnick seemed to be the polar opposite, coming to chat with her every few minutes or just sticking by to monitor her form and count her reps. At least she and Haymitch had a mutually agreed dislike of each other. Finnick seemed to enjoy her insults and attitude no matter what she dished out.

As the session continued, he persisted in talking to her and she learned that when Finnick wasn't trying to be the world's cheesiest pick-up artist, he was actually easy to talk to. It was hard to believe that he and Gale were friends because it was hard to imagine two people less alike. Whereas Gale was quiet, mysterious, and "brooding" (as Prim's friends often described him in furtive whispers and giggles when they caught a glimpse of his picture at the Everdeen home) Finnick was refined, gregarious and charming. She imagined that his other female patients probably gasped and swooned at his maneuvers. Thankfully, she wasn't the swooning type.

After forty-five minutes of stretching, bending, lifting and twisting her arm every which way, it was time for the arm bike. Just as in the two previous sessions, Peeta was nearby on the stationary bike.

"I saved you a seat!" he proudly announced with a wide smile.

She looked around the nearly empty arena. "I bet you had to fight off a lot of people to do so."

He raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. "I _did_. There was an epic battle. Out of nowhere, all of these people came in and started running over, swinging swords and machetes and axes. In fact, I think one of them even had a trident. Of course, they didn't know how deadly I can be with my crutches. I'm telling you, it was a blood bath."

Before she had a chance to come up with a reply worthy of his ridiculousness, she heard laughing from behind her. Turning, she saw Peeta's trainer bending over and laughing. "Mellark, you're about as deadly as a kitten."

Peeta narrowed his eyes at his trainer. "I'll have you know kittens can be very deadly, Johanna. Haven't you ever heard of cat scratch fever? Besides, I didn't exactly bust my knee baking a cake."

That seemed to make Johanna laugh even harder, and she ran both of her small hands below her eyes as if to wipe away tears. "No, you did it trying to impress a bunch of 16-year olds, then you fell over and cried."

Even Katniss had to giggle at that, and she saw him looking at her with a smirk before turning his attention back to Johanna. "I cried like a _man_, thank you very much."

The sound Johanna made could only be described as a "guffaw" – somewhere between a bark of laughter and a snort. If that sound had escaped from Katniss's mouth in public, she surely would have been embarrassed. But Johanna didn't seem to be the kind of person who cared what she did in front of others. _She probably gets along great with Haymitch._

Johanna pointed at Peeta and said, "Then man up, Mellark. It's time for your ice." She then pointed at Katniss' shoulder and leaned over. "You, too. Finnick had to take a call, so I'm going to wrap you up." She lifted herself off of the arm bike's seat and followed Johanna to a patient table. Peeta hobbled along behind her on his crutches and took the table next to her.

"Fancy seeing you here," he teased.

She smiled. "Well, I did save you a seat."

He grinned while adjusting his position on the table to allow his leg to stretch out in front of him. It was then she noticed the flex of muscle in his arms, and the light dusting of freckles peeking out from under the sleeve of his faded " Merchant High School – Athletic Department" t-shirt. She turned away as she felt a slight but unfamiliar heat crawl up the back of her neck, and wondered if she was getting sick. Johanna began wrapping the ice pack to her shoulder, and it was distracting enough to push the warmth away.

Once settled with his own ice pack wrapped on his leg, Peeta turned to look at Katniss. "So, Katniss. I have a question that I've absolutely been dying to ask you all week. I really must know right now… what's your favorite color?"

She furrowed her brows in response. _What is he, five years old?_ "Um… green, I guess. Why? What's yours?"

"Mine is orange. But a soft orange, like a sunset."

"Why did you absolutely have to know that?" she asked.

"Because if we're going to be friends, I should certainly know something as basic as your favorite color," he answered.

The word "friend" felt strange on Katniss's tongue. She could count the number of friends she had known in her life with one hand and still have fingers to spare. It wasn't that she did not want any other friends. It's just that she never had a desire to get to know anyone, and no one had a similar desire to get to know her. Even before her father passed away and her heart started to build impenetrable walls around itself, she was never outgoing or friendly. If she needed a confidant, she had Prim or Gale. Katniss thought in terms of what was _needed_, not wanted. And she did not need a new friend.

But she could not help but wonder about this man who had continuously gone out of his way to be nice to her. "Why do you want to be my friend?"

It's likely that no one had ever questioned an offer of friendship from Peeta Mellark, but he did not seem to mind. "Why wouldn't I want to be your friend?" he asked.

_Because no one else does._ It took her a moment to realize that she actually said that out loud, instead of her usual rhetorical responses that existed only in her thoughts.

He was silent for several moments, and it felt like an eternity as her embarrassment took over. She turned away to look at her feet, as she was sure her face was as red as a strawberry while she mentally berated herself. _This is why no one wants to be your friend, Katniss. You say stupid shit like that. Now he probably thinks you're some sort of freak with no social skills. Which is probably true._

"Well," he finally replied in a soft voice, "I do."

Katniss looked over to see Peeta staring at her. Normally, she would feel uncomfortable and exposed under someone's unwavering gaze, and her typical response would be to scowl at them and walk off. Maybe throw in a curse word or two under her breath. But she could see that his eyes held no judgment or pity, just kindness. And perhaps having someone here who did not call her by a ridiculous nickname would be nice.

She didn't need Peeta's friendship. But maybe she wanted it.

"Ok," she told him. "I'll allow it."


	3. Chapter 3

ROM Chapter 3

"I'm sick of high school boys. They're just incredibly immature. They act like a bunch of kids," sighed Prim.

She had just come home from school and her usual Wednesday meeting of drama club. Katniss and Prim had rules about extra-curricular activities.

First, it could not interfere with schoolwork. Thanks to Prim's enthusiasm and intelligence (and to Katniss's insistence on good study habits and hard work), Prim had a good shot at a few scholarships in the upcoming months. Extra-curricular activities – like drama club, or the soccer team, or FFA – looked good on scholarship applications, but it wasn't enough to make up for poor grades.

Secondly, it could not cost a lot of money. Prim was interested in the debate club until she saw how many trips they would have to take and the hotel/meal fees associated with them. Katniss thought that was for the best, anyway. Nobody could ever seem to argue with Prim, and it really wasn't fair to the other debate teams if she just had to smile at them to win.

Katniss smiled as she stirred the soup for tonight's meal on the stove. "I hate to break it to you, Little Duck, but you _are_ a kid."

Prim rolled her eyes and huffed, "I'm seventeen; I'm practically an adult. Besides, you're only four years older than me."

At twenty-one, Katniss was barely an adult in age but had been acting like one for the past four years. Her childhood, along with her ability to laugh and smile freely and her sense of security, had disappeared the day their father collapsed in front of her.

"Daddy, stop messing around. You're not being funny," Katniss had said to her father's unmoving figure. He had not been feeling well that day, complaining of some dizziness and a stiff shoulder. But he felt well enough to make animal-shaped pancakes for Prim that morning and tell knock-knock jokes at the breakfast table. So when he walked into the living room and suddenly dropped to the ground in front of the sofa, Katniss thought it was a joke and laughed.

She didn't laugh again for a very long time.

Instead, she learned what sudden cardiac arrest and ventricular fibrillation were, and that her family had a history of heart disease. She learned that heartbreak could turn a seemingly loving, capable woman like her mother into a living ghost. She learned how to arrange a funeral and read a last will and testament, and she learned how to file the claim on her father's life insurance. And when weeks had gone by and her mother had never left her room or even looked her daughters in the eye when they cried and pleaded for her help, Katniss learned how to shut off her own fears and desires (and therefore, her heart) to provide for her family.

Gale's mother Hazelle ran a dry cleaning business and was able to give Katniss a job right away. At first she worked evenings and weekends so that she could still finish the last couple of months of high school. But after her last exam, she was able to work full time and refused to think about school anymore. While her classmates walked the stage to graduate, Katniss worked. The only family who would have seen her graduate anyway was Prim, and Katniss didn't want her to sit alone in the stands since her mother still refused to leave her room. Besides, she could not afford the cap and gown anyway. That night, Prim presented her with a cap she made from construction paper, and made Katniss walk across the living room to "graduate". Prim stayed in Katniss's bed with her that night and slept soundly while her big sister cried.

Three years later, Gale finished college and moved back home to accept a job in Panem Parks and Recreation Department as a Junior Park Ranger. Once he heard that the District 12 Park needed someone to help out in their visitor center, he filled out an application on Katniss's behalf and submitted without even telling her. She was mad at him for two weeks, which was a week longer than it took for them to give her the job. But the job meant higher pay than Hazelle could manage to give Katniss and medical benefits that included Prim. The fact that she'd be able to spend some time in the woods as well was a lovely added benefit.

"Katniss, I think the soup is done," Prim said, breaking Katniss out of her daze.

She shook herself from the memories and saw Prim pointing past her to the stove. The soup had begun to boil over and was starting to spill over the burner. Katniss cursed under her breath (Prim heard it anyway) and took the pot off of the hot burner with her left hand while reaching back to the stove dials and lowering the temperature with the right. Stretching her arm out to reach the dials caused a sharp pain to shoot through her shoulder, but Katniss was starting to get used to those. Prim grabbed a dishtowel and began to clean up next to Katniss.

They both looked at the remaining contents in the pot. Most of the soup had boiled over, and what remained had dark flecks in it from the burnt portion clinging to the bottom. Prim looked at her sister hopefully and asked, "Pizza?"

Katniss shook her head. "Not until payday, Little Duck. I'll make us some sandwiches."

She got out the bread, peanut butter, and jelly from the pantry and started the assembly while Prim resumed telling her about the events of today's drama club. It seems that some boys in her drama club decided to ignore the scene work they were supposed to do. These "kids" decided their time would be better spent making lists of all the girls in their high school and ranking their hotness. Their teacher and club supervisor, Mrs. Undersee, found the list and sent the boys to detention. Some of the other girls in the club tried to get a look at the list to see what their own ranking was, but Prim said the whole thing was disgusting and she wanted no part of it.

They quickly finished their sandwiches and moved in to the living room for their new routine. Prim pulled out her books and binder to finish her homework, and Katniss pulled out her resistance band and three-pound weights to do hers. After forty-five minutes, both were finished and Katniss got her helpful bag of frozen peas while Prim packed up her books.

"Was Gale immature when you guys were in high school?" Prim asked as she settled next to her sister on the sofa with a soda for each of them.

Katniss snorted. "Gale was immature, and he is still immature. And he's older than me."

"I was hoping you'd say he really matured in college… I think it's time that I met a hot college boy who can carry an adult conversation," said Prim wistfully.

"Better not be _too_ adult, Little Duck."

Prim rolled her eyes. "Very funny. Any hot guys at physical therapy? Maybe I could start tagging along."

_If Finnick gets within 500 feet of Prim, I'll punch him in the crotch._ "Nope, everyone there is ugly. And immature. And mean. And smelly." At least she was telling the truth about Haymitch.

"I don't believe that at all. Is anyone there at least nice?"

Katniss smiled a little before she could control herself. "There is someone there. He's another patient, and he gets rehab for his knee. His name is Peeta… I think he's my friend."

Unlike her sister, Prim was terrible at controlling her emotions. In fact, upon hearing Katniss's admission, she started bouncing up and down on the sofa making some sort of squealing noise. Prim had only made that noise once before, when Gale's little brother Rory asked Prim to be his date for prom. Katniss sighed and gave her sister a hard look.

"This is why I don't make friends. Because you freak out anytime someone even talks to me."

"I do not! Ok, maybe. It's just that you never let yourself have any fun, and you only ever hang out with me and Gale," explained Prim.

"What's wrong with that? I have fun with you and Gale!" asked Katniss.

Another eye roll. _She's getting really good at that. _

"Katniss, I love you very much and I always will. And you know Gale does too. But what are you going to when I go away to college? And when Gale falls in love with a girl who _doesn't_ punch him when he kisses her?"

"THAT WAS EIGHTH GRADE! And he only kissed me because Thom dared him to, anyway!" But Katniss had to admit that her sister had a point. Katniss was doing everything she could to ensure that Prim could go to college and eventually med school and have a wonderful life fulfilling her dream. Gale was her best friend but never anything more, and she knew that one day one of his one night stands or casual flings would turn into something more. She herself had dated here and there, and had a few casual flings in high school and afterwards, but she never felt any spark. Besides, what was the point of falling in love with someone if it would only turn into heartbreak?

She looked at her little sister, who had settled against the arm of the couch and was flipping through channels. Prim knew better than to push her point after she'd made it. As she settled on some terrible reality show for them to watch, Katniss heard her cell phone ring, and jumped up from the couch to answer it.

_Speak of the devil…_

"Hey Gale, what's up?"

"Hey, Catnip. I have a favor to ask. I know we're carpooling since I'm in District 12 this week, but I was hoping that we could drive separately tomorrow."

"Already sick of me?" teased Katniss.

"Absolutely. Also, I have a date tomorrow night. So I'm going to leave the shift a little early to clean up before I pick her up."

Katniss smiled. "She must be pretty special if you're gonna shower _and_ pick her up."

Gale's laughter broke through the line. "Well she's a teacher, so I'm hoping I can get that 'teacher's pet' fantasy crossed off the bucket list."

"Ew! I don't need to know this. I'll see you tomorrow at work… and if you guys do anything in your truck, I want to know so I can _never_ ride in it ever again," Katniss replied.

"What can I say, it's a sin-wagon. If you ever meet somebody and go on a date, you can borrow it," he teased.

_This again?_ "Are you and Prim ganging up on me? She was just going on about how I need to have another friend." The idea of Gale and Prim teaming up together to "fix" her social life was not a pleasant one.

"I was actually talking about you getting laid, but a friend is good too. Weren't you talking about that guy from PT… what was his name, Peter?" he asked.

"It's Peeta. And yeah… he's nice. I guess he's a friend." Her hand found the end of her braid and begun to twist the strands, a nervous habit she had noticed herself performing much more frequently.

"Maybe he can be a friend with benefits. And if he kisses you, you won't punch him."

_IT WAS EIGHTH GRADE!_

She didn't say anything, and he seemed to deliberate for a minute before continuing. "You said he wanted to be your friend, right? So let him. And be his friend back. You really didn't make it easy for me to be your friend, you know. And you're still a lot of trouble. But you're worth it. You and Prim are family to me, ok?"

She sighed as she leaned against the wall between their small kitchen and living room. Prim was heavily invested in her TV show, something about the real housewives of somewhere crappy. Prim was right that she needed another friend. Gale wanted her to have one as well. But Peeta made it seem so easy.

"I want to be his friend. But I don't know how." Her admission was one more for her own benefit than Gale's.

She could hear his sigh, and he replied in the same gentle tone that he used when approaching a wounded animal in the park. "Well, ask him about his day, or what he likes to do. Get to know him. When he asks you about yourself, tell him. And smile… definitely smile. You don't do that nearly enough."

"Goodnight, Gale," she sighed.

"Goodnight, Catnip. Just remember – if this guy gives you any trouble, I know all of the good places to bury a body in the woods."

(section break)

It had been four weeks since her first visit to Victory Physical Therapy. With two visits per week, she had seen Effie Trinket eight times. Not once in those eight individual visits had Katniss seen Effie wear the same piece of clothing. She didn't even seem to repeat shoes. While Katniss's work attire consisted of some variation of khakis or jeans and a t-shirt, Effie seemed to view the office as a giant runway.

That morning's outfit consisted of a high-waisted hot pink skirt and tight pale blue blouse that looked incredibly uncomfortable. Itchy, too. Capping it off were shiny blue high heels that Katniss could only see as a potential weapon.

"Good morning, Effie. Hope you don't take anyone's eye out with those shoes."

Effie smiled and stuck her right foot out slightly to showcase her shoe, which should really be considered an outstanding achievement in torturous engineering. "Isn't it fabulous? But you're right - if a certain therapist gets out of line, it could certainly be used to give him a very bad day, indeed!"

An image of Effie threatening Finnick with her shoe was ridiculous enough to earn a laugh from Katniss, until she saw Effie glaring at Haymitch. He was sticking his head through the double doors and doing a terrible job of ignoring Effie. "Sweetheart, you here to yap about fashion or are you here to do some work?"

She rose from the waiting room sofa and followed him through the double doors, pretending that she did not see him wink at Effie as he left. _I don't even want to know…_

The usual faces were in the arena this morning. Clove was standing on the vibration machine while bending and straightening her leg by Finnick's count, and Cato was a few feet behind her, rolling his ankle in circles and obviously enjoying the view in front of him. Rue was on a table tightening the shoelace on her right shoe, as Johanna examined her left shin. Peeta was slowly walking on the treadmill and spotted her, smiling and waving his hand. She smiled and lifted her fingers in a shy wave, and she was surprised that she did it before she could even question whether or not she should.

_Look at me, I'm being friendly._

Haymitch stopped at a table and grunted at Katniss, and she'd learned that was his special way of saying, "sit here". She hopped up on the table and he assumed his usual position to her right, examining her shoulder for signs of improvement.

"How's the homework coming… you actually doing it?" he sneered.

The muscles in her jaw tightened as she fought back a string of insults he was probably already heard a million times over. All he had to do was open his mouth and he set her on edge. Maybe she could use it as a lesson on how to make friends – _whatever Haymitch did or said, just do the opposite._

"Yes, I have. Every single night, every single rep. In fact, I'm strong enough to do at least another set of reps on most of the exercises," she said defiantly.

"I should have known," he mumbled while shaking his head in disappointment. "You sure seem like the kind of person dumb enough to push your recovery. I didn't give you those exercises and reps for shits and giggles. You're pushing yourself too hard, and it's keeping you from healing. You've got more knots in your shoulder than a fishing net, and you still can't move your arm past a ninety-degree angle. Are you trying to give yourself a permanent injury?"

"Sure, because I want to see _more_ of your lovely face," she spit out between clenched teeth.

He met her eyes for the first time that morning. "Okay, keep ignoring what I say. Don't come crying to me when you need surgery, or have permanent nerve damage, or never regain full use of your arm. "

Katniss exhaled slowly to temper her anger. She knew he was right, as much as she hated to admit it. Her shoulder was getting stronger but the pain was still there. Four weeks of therapy had passed and she still could not handle more than a three-pound weight for her exercises.

Haymitch sat on the table next to her, avoiding her eyes. "Look, I know you just want to get better. But you have to do it the right way. There are certain things in life that don't have shortcuts, and healing is one of them. I'll make a deal with you. You stop giving me shit for doing my job, and I'll do everything I can to help your shoulder. But you have to do exactly what Finnick and I say."

It's not much of a deal, but it's better than nothing. There's a possibility that my shoulder is already too far gone for help without surgery, but I have to give it one more try.

"Fine," I say. "So help me."

"Waiting on you, sweetheart," Haymitch says. He grabs my folder and leads me towards the resistance band station. Peeta is standing next to it with a resistance band looped around his ankles. He keeps his balance with his left hand placed against the wall as he raises his right leg to his side. His eyes are cast down to his feet to monitor his form, and a bead of perspiration is starting to form above his left ear. The resistance band stretches and Katniss can see the sinew and power of his leg muscles as he… _WHOA what the hell are you doing, Katniss?_

She shakes her head and tries to concentrate on the actions Haymitch demonstrates with the band. He loops it around a thick pole that runs from floor to ceiling, and hands her the other end. The resistance band gives a light stretch as she pulls her arm across her body, from right to left. Her shoulder aches, but the sharp pain has not presented itself. _I can do this._

"Do 3 reps of ten, sweetheart. Be back in a minute," Haymitch said right before turning around and walking through the "Employees Only" door behind them. Her focus on the door kept her from noticing a certain blonde man sneaking up to her ear.

"Johanna told me once that if we ever have an emergency _and_ _need_ vodka, we can find it in his left desk drawer," he whispered loudly. Katniss jumped a little at the sensation of his breath tickling her ear lobe. He laughed and put his hand on her shoulder to calm her. "Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me," Katniss said. _I think I liked it._

Peeta smiled as he shook the band from around his feet and stepped out. "And how are you doing today, Katniss?"

She smiled and noted again how easy it was to do so around Peeta. It's not that she never smiled, but most of the time it felt like too much effort. A polite but strained smile and nod was what she usually used when people tried to make small talk with her. Most of the time, she just wanted to be left alone. But not today.

"I'm doing ok, I guess. How are you doing?" she asked softly. _Was that ok?_ _Can he tell I don't know what I'm doing?_

"I'm doing pretty good, actually. My students are starting their college application process, and I have a couple asking me for recommendation letters."

She scrunched her nose. "That seems like a lot of pressure."

He laughed again. _I think I like his laugh._ "When you put it that way, sure. But it's nice to know that I've made an impression on these students enough that they'd ask me to write a letter on their behalf."

"I see. So it's like an ego boost," she teased.

"Exactly. And I need constant validation. Watch this," he said, turning to Johanna on the other side of the arena. "Johanna! I'm your favorite patient, right?"

Johanna snorted. "Shut up Mellark, and do another rep."

He turned back to Katniss and grinned broadly. "See? Constant validation."

They finished their exercises together with easy conversation. She learned that Peeta was not only the wrestling coach at the high school, but also the art teacher. When he talked about introducing his students to a new technique, a fire lit behind his light blue eyes and he could not contain the smile that threatened his cheeks to burst. Haymitch returned and took her to another station for another round of exercises. She looked behind her when he wasn't looking to see that Johanna had led Peeta to a weighted leg lift machine. His back was to her, so she couldn't see his smile or his eyes. But she could definitely see the flex of his legs as he pushed off from the ground, or the curve of his muscled arms as he held on to the seat below him, and she wondered what curve his arms would make if they were wrapped around her as she…

"ENJOYING THE VIEW?"

Katniss nearly jumped out of her skin and felt heat rushing through her cheeks as she turned to face Johanna. "I'm… um... it's…"

Johanna raised her eyebrows as a smirk spread across her face. "I didn't know you had it in you. Or rather, that you wanted to have _him_ in _you_."

"Would you shut up? That's not what I was doing. I don't think that. You know? Just go away." Katniss turned her face to the ground and thought that if she just concentrated on her sets of arm lifts, perhaps Johanna would disappear. Or better yet, perhaps a great big hole in the ground would open up and swallow her before anyone else could notice the flush on her cheeks.

Johanna sidled over to Katniss's left side and leaned in next to her ear. "If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual on blondie's side."

"Go away." _Wait, what did she say?_ Katniss could not concentrate on which emotion to focus on first. Embarrassment that she was caught ogling Peeta? Anger that Johanna had to make a public spectacle out of it? Relief that the spitfire trainer was now walking away, leaving her in peace? Confusion at herself for having these feelings for him? And now that Johanna told her he might be interested too… hope? _Is that what this is?_

Guys had flirted with her before, but it was always with terrible pick-up lines and awkward attempts to drape their arm around her shoulders or hips. Peeta had been so nice to her, she assumed it was because he was a truly nice guy and genuinely just wanted to be her friend. But now she was confused – Peeta had been so genuinely nice to her that she believed him when he said he wanted to be her friend, even if she could not understand his reasons behind it. The idea that he might want something beyond friendship was baffling, as well as the idea that she might want it, too.

She was too preoccupied with her own thoughts to spend any more time glancing at Peeta. When she was led to the arm bike, Peeta was taking a turn on the vibration machine while Johanna stood next to him and waggled her eyebrows at Katniss every time she looked over. If Johanna embarrassed her again, she might have to ask Gale for advice on where to bury a body after all.

When Haymitch concluded her workout, he wrapped the large bag of ice to her shoulder as he went over a new routine for her at-home exercises. He actually gave her a smile (half a smile, but it counted) and told her she did a good job. _I wonder if he's extra drunk today._

Peeta grabbed the table next to her and eased himself up for his own ice routine.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," he said. Katniss could see Johanna filling a bag with ice for Peeta's knee, and she looked at the two of them next to each other and blew a kiss.

Katniss turned her face away from Johanna and looked back to him. "Definitely… the crowd here is a real drag." He smiled at her and she noticed her stomach clutch a bit as she noticed a tiny freckle on his upper lip.

"Well, maybe sometime we should hang out somewhere that doesn't smell like Ben-gay and sweat."

It took every bit of self-control to avoid looking at Johanna, who was desperately trying to get her attention by dancing behind an oblivious Peeta and thrusting her hips. "Um… sure."

If she thought he was smiling before, it was nothing compared to the giant grin spreading across his face now. "That would be great. I'm going out of town for a school trip tomorrow and will be back on Sunday. Maybe dinner or something this week?"

_JOHANNA, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW. _"Ok."

"Is Johanna doing something behind me?"

She jumped out from behind Peeta and slapped him on the arm. "Maybe one day your knee will get un-fucked enough to have dance moves like me."

He turned to Katniss and winked. "She's terrible. Want to trade therapists?"

"Pass." As terrible and frustrating and annoying as Haymitch was, Katniss was pretty sure that training with Johanna would be a fate worse than death. Hell, five minutes of conversation with Johanna had already made Katniss want to kill her.

The next few minutes held the same easy conversation they usually had, but Katniss noticed a light pink flush across Peeta's cheeks, and she wondered if she had caused it. She also wondered what would happen if she put her hands on those cheeks to feel the warmth coursing through his face. Once their ice session was complete, they each grabbed their coats and walked through the double doors together. It wasn't until they reached the parking lot that Katniss realized she had left her bag in the arena.

Peeta opened the front door for her. "Here, I'll walk back with you."

She put her hand up to stop him. "No need, I've got it. Besides, you just got off of your crutches. No need to walk on that knee more than you have to."

He smiled at her and nodded. "You start thinking about where you want to go next week. All I ask is that there are no resistance bands and no asshole trainers."

"Deal," said Katniss, and she waved goodbye as she turned back inside. It only took about thirty seconds to walk to the arena, get her bag, fish her keys out and walk back into the lobby. As she exited the double doors, she could see Peeta in the parking lot, standing on the curb. _Is he waiting for me?_

Before she could walk out to the parking lot to tease him, a large beige SUV pulled up to the curb next to Peeta. He climbed in the passenger side, and even through the light tint of the windows she could see the beautiful, curvy, blonde woman who was driving. She gave him a huge smile and held out her arms to him as he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before giving her a big hug.

_That son of a bitch._


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone reading, reviewing, following and favoriting! I love reviews like Katniss loves cheese buns, so bring 'em on. Super huge thanks to for-prim and her crazy good advice and beta skills, as well as her deciduous forest.

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or canon references.

Three days had passed since Katniss's last PT appointment. Since then, she had done nothing but convince herself that a friendship with Peeta Mellark was a bad idea. She had to admit to herself that a friendship wouldn't be enough, because she wanted more. But when she saw him that day in the parking lot giving another woman a warm, loving embrace, she convinced herself that something more than a friendship was completely out of the question. It was better this way, she told herself repeatedly.

The casual observer would see Katniss and her permanent scowl and likely deduce that she was one who acted tough and never let herself feel vulnerable to anything or anyone. The casual observer would be right, most of the time. Necessity had taught her to become an expert at toughening her shell and ignoring any attempts from others to make her feel small because of her family and financial situation. But the shock of seeing Peeta embrace the beautiful woman in the parking lot had left her feeling lost, with no idea of how she was supposed to feel.

At first, she felt betrayed that Peeta had been (_maybe_?) flirting with her while it seemed he had some relationship with this woman going on. But soon she let go of that anger and realized that they were not in a relationship, and had not even gone on that date. Maybe he had not even intended it to be a date. _Of course it wasn't a date. _Because why would he want to date skinny, plain, awkward Katniss Everdeen when he seemed so happy with the mystery blonde?

As much as she tried to talk herself into this path of reasoning, she couldn't shake the feeling of embarrassment she felt at her behavior towards Peeta. She had smiled, laughed at his jokes, and even found herself checking him out when (she thought) no one was observing her. Any guys she had encountered before, with the exception of her father and Gale, were simply categorized as an annoyance, a distraction, or a means to an end. Peeta was the first one who made her stomach dance when he looked at her or her eyes light up when he smiled - the first to make her thighs clench when she saw the definition in his arms. He was the first to make her think that perhaps someone besides Prim or Gale could see something in her that made them want to stay.

Now instead of hopeful possibilities, she replayed Peeta's greeting in that beige SUV over and over in her mind. Before she had caught herself thinking of a joke he made, or how his nose scrunched up when he laughed. Now when she thought of him, her stomach twisted in pain and dropped to her knees, and a stinging sensation pricked behind her eyelids. _She's the kind of girl Peeta should be with. The kind he_ is_ with. Not me. Never me. _

Katniss knew herself well enough to know that she would not be able to pull herself together and maintain any sort of conversation with Peeta at their next PT appointment. She was well aware of her awkward demeanor that was bad enough when she was actually happy to see the person in question. But now the idea of seeing Peeta again filled her with dread. She felt too insecure about herself to believe that she could be his friend. Tomorrow, she would call Effie to get her sessions moved to another day or time. Maybe she could get by with just changing her appointments and never having to see him again. Because it would be better for everyone if she wasn't around for Johanna to tease and for Peeta to use to pass the time until he saw his gorgeous girlfriend again.

She couldn't help but wonder about this mystery woman. There was only a glimpse of a few seconds that morning but it was enough for Katniss to build a complex mental image. From what Katniss saw, the other woman was pretty and soft and curved in all the right places, unlike her own thin and boyish figure. This woman probably was able to talk about pop culture and politics and current events and whatever else it was that people talked about, while Katniss could only ignore people and force herself to ask questions about others. The mystery woman probably wore nice clothes and perfume, and Katniss imagined her hair was always perfect. Katniss alternated between two pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts, and always wore her dark brown waves in a braid because it was easiest for her. The other woman probably always had perfectly manicured nails and a glowing smile. Katniss bit her perpetually dirty nails, and hated smiling for fear that the slight gap between her teeth would show. But Peeta's girlfriend probably had a mother and a father who loved her very much and would never dream of leaving her.

Right now, Katniss just wanted to be around someone who loved her and didn't believe she was inferior. She needed a friend, but her options were very limited.

She was at work but the visitor's center was due to close within an hour. After poking her head in Seneca's office to see if he had anything she could help with (which he did not, unless she could recommend how to improve his crop on Farmville), she went in to the employee area and grabbed her phone from her locker. Pressing 1 for her speed dial, she waited for Prim to pick up.

"Hey Katniss! What's up?" answered Prim.

"Hey, Little Duck. I was wondering what you're doing tonight. Want to order that pizza and watch movies?" she asked hopefully.

Prim made a whining noise in response. "I would love to, but I have a big geology test tomorrow so I am at Bristel's house with our study group. Rory's bringing takeout soon, and he'll drive me home by 10, I promise."

"Oh… ok. Good. That's better anyway. Make sure you guys actually study and don't just gossip," she replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

"I know, I know. Trust me, I'm not screwing up my GPA over this ridiculous class. I mean seriously, when am I ever going to need to know the different kinds of coal?" Prim asked, exasperated.

Katniss smiled sadly. She remembered having to learn that as well in her senior year, and thinking that she could always fall back into a rewarding career as a coal miner if college did not work out. Then her father passed away, and she would have had to seriously consider it if Hazelle had not been there with a job.

"Just be safe and call me if you're going to be late, ok?" asked Katniss. "I love you."

"I love you too!" Prim said, and then she hung up. Katniss should be glad that her sister was studying and enjoying time with friends. _Hell, I should be happy she has friends because that would mean she didn't follow my shitty example._

She pressed 2 on her speed dial, and listened to the phone ring three times before he picked up.

"What's up, Catnip?"

"Hey Gale. What are you doing tonight?" she asked.

"Believe it or not, I have another date with the teacher," he replied proudly. "Actually, it's our third date. We went out Friday, too. I've gotta say, she's pretty awesome."

Katniss exhaled and closed her eyes before replying. "That's really great, Gale. Tell me about her."

Gale's voice took on a dreamy quality and she could imagine the look on his face as he went on about the "awesome" teacher. Her name was Madge and she was the daughter of a former mayor of a neighboring town. She was sweet and funny and nice and seemed like she would never hurt a fly, but passionate about politics and her beliefs. She taught drama and music at Merchant High School, and Katniss wondered if she knew Peeta and his mystery blonde wonder woman.

She smiled for her friend, even though she was disappointed again at being alone for the night. "She sounds great. Have a wonderful time, ok?"

"Thanks. Is everything ok, Catnip?" he asked.

She hoped Gale could not hear her swallow away any trace of emotion in her voice. "I'm totally fine. I want details tomorrow about the date, ok? But PG-rated details."

She said goodbye and hung up the phone before her nerves got the best of her. It was going to be okay; she had spent more than a few emotional nights at home by herself. She would be able to compose herself before Prim got home from her study group.

It was a waste of money to order pizza without Prim, and Katniss didn't have much of an appetite anyway. Shortly after arriving at home, she changed into an old, comfortable pair of grey sweats that used to belong to her father. They hung off her spare figure and she had to roll the sleeves up several times to get to her hands, but wearing them made her feel safe. Feeling more at ease, she padded on socked feet into the kitchen and made a simple dinner of cereal and the last of the milk, which she ate quickly over the sink to avoid a mess. After rinsing her bowl and spoon, she ambled into their small living room and grabbed the remote before curling up in her usual spot on the well-worn sofa. She didn't realize how tired she was until felt her eyelids drooping while she surfed through the channels. After failing to find anything entertaining enough to keep her awake, she closed her eyes to rest until Prim came home.

Before long, she found herself in her bedroom, only it wasn't hers anymore. Somehow she knew that it was her parents' room again, as it was for years. A soft orange flight filtered through the windows, and Katniss looked down at herself to realize she was wearing the same plain, knee-length black dress she wore to her father's funeral. Her mother was there, and she lay on the left side of the bed, curled up in a quilt handed down from Great-Grandma Everdeen. Katniss tiptoed over to her side of the bed and saw that her mother was not sleeping, but staring off into nothing.

"Mom, we need your help," Katniss whispered. An alarm clock behind her on the dresser beeped constantly. She looked at it but did not move to turn it off. The clock told her it was just past noon on March 27th, two weeks after her father had passed away. She knew that her mother had not left the bed, except when she or Prim dragged her to the bathroom or sat her up to change her clothing or attempt to feed her. She tried to shake her mom, to yell at her until the walls shook with her anger or plead until no more sound could escape her throat, but nothing worked.

Her voice echoed around the room.

_Mom, look at me._

_We miss Daddy too, but we need you._

_There's no more food. There's no more money._

_We're hungry and Prim is crying._

_Please look at me, Mom._

_Mommy?_

She blinked and the room was suddenly filled with people, but one by one they burst into flames before her eyes. As they burned, she heard their voices in her head.

Her father first, clutching his chest where his still but broken heart lay. _You weren't enough to make me stay._

Her mother, staring through her with dead eyes. _You weren't enough to make me stay._

Gale, giving her the same sly smirk he always did. _You weren't enough to make me stay. _

Prim, who reached out for her hand before the flames swallowed her whole. _I don't need you anymore. _

And then, there was Peeta. He walked up to her with the sweetest smile on his face. Placing his warm palm against her cheek, he held on while the flames consumed them both. _I could never want you. _

Fire licked against them and she felt her heart fill with smoke. _But why?_ she asked.

He moved his hand to her shoulder as his face turned to ashes and yelled her name, louder and louder, echoing through her flames.

_KATNISS!_

_KATNISS!_

"Katniss!"

An insistent hand on her shoulder slowly shook her until the world came into focus again. She was not in her parents' room but in the living room, asleep on the sofa. Prim was crouched down on her haunches and rubbing Katniss's shoulder.

"Katniss, what happened? Are you ok?" Prim asked, concerned.

Katniss sat up and rubbed her hands across her face, surprised to find them wet when she pulled them back. She looked at Prim, who looked scared. So she did what she always did when Prim was scared, and pulled her into a fierce hug.

"I'm ok, I'm ok… it was just a bad dream. That's all," she whispered in Prim's ear. But it was for her own benefit that she said it. She held on to Prim to make sure her sister was safe, and real, and alive. As her mind cleared, her breathing slowed and she was able to let her sister go. But Prim held her hand and understood because she had nightmares too. Both sisters slept in Prim's bed that night, because Katniss could not face her parents' old bedroom, even if it was hers now.

The next morning, after a fitful night of sleep, Katniss called Victory Physical Therapy as soon as they opened. Katniss tried to lie convincingly as she told Effie that her work hours were changing, and would it be possible to do her PT sessions another morning, or at different times?

"Well, Katniss I was actually going to call you this morning. Finnick and Haymitch have reviewed your file and they'd like for you to go back to your doctor and get an assessment and an MRI on your shoulder. They are concerned that it's not responding to therapy as well as they'd like, so surgery may be considered," Effie replied in a bright, sing-song voice that made it seem as if she was discussing the latest fashion instead of what Katniss had dreaded for so long.

Katniss clutched the phone tightly to her ear but didn't say anything in response as she felt the air fly out of her lungs. How was it possible that they had already written her off? Hadn't Haymitch just told her last week that they were going to try a new routine? And now before it even had a chance to work, they were sending her to the doctor to have surgery she couldn't afford. _They don't believe in me. I've failed them. I failed myself._

"Katniss darling, are you there?" asked Effie.

She cleared her throat and tried to control the waver in her voice. "I'm here. I guess I'm just surprised."

Effie clucked her tongue as if in sympathy. "I understand, but they did not want to waste any more of your time if the therapy wasn't working. Now, I've called Dr. Aurelius's office and made an appointment for you for this afternoon at 4:00 pm, does that work for you?"

Katniss had work at that time, but figured that Seneca would probably fire her anyway once he found out that no only was her shoulder still injured, but she'd need to take time off for surgery. "I guess."

Effie reminded her of the doctor's office address and asked her to come by the arena after the appointment to let them know if the doctor recommended surgery, so that the trainers could start working on a post-surgery recuperation plan. _Great, so I fail them and I still have to go through more therapy. Perfect._ Once she concluded the call and pressed "end" on her cell phone, she bit down as hard as she could on her fist and screamed until the desire to cry faded away. Slowly, her breathing returned to normal as the watery edges of her vision receded.

_What am I going to do?_

It felt as if everything stable she had built up over the last four years was sliding through her fingertips. She'd have her surgery, then lose her job, lose their home, lose Prim's future. If she didn't have the surgery, could she just live with the pain, even if it meant never having full use of her arm or using her father's bow? Could she go back to PT and ask them to try again? She could promise to work harder, to take them more seriously. She could go every day, instead of just twice a week. But that would mean seeing Peeta, and between the rejection she imagined him giving her and the rejection her trainers had pushed upon her, she did not think she could bear it.

Her survival instinct took over, and she found herself repeating the same mantra that she told herself to get through the hunger and sadness following her father's death. _Don't think about a future you may not have. Just get through today. Just get Prim through today._

Once again, she was able to slip on her mask of indifference as she made a lunch for Prim and got herself ready for work. Prim gave her an extra tight hug this morning, knowing that Katniss's dream was still haunting her. But Katniss refused to tell her about her conversation with Effie, just as she had refused to tell her about Peeta and the mystery blonde. There was no need to burden her sister with her own troubles, she figured. Better to let her concentrate on her own future, while Katniss got them through the present.

Katniss arrived at her shift early to ask Seneca if she could leave early for the doctor's appointment. He pursed his lips and sat back in his chair for several minutes in consideration, trapping Katniss in awkward silence before he spoke.

"I suppose if you must leave, then there's nothing I can do about it. I do wish you had given me more notice – I could have called in someone else to take over the shift. But now, I'll have to do your job _and_ my job too when you leave. Do you see how that puts me in a tough spot, Katniss?" he asked condescendingly.

His job could be done by a competent person in fifteen minutes and have the rest of the day to spare, but she didn't dare tell him that. She bit her lip in shame and nodded until he dismissed her from his office. The rest of the day was a blur as she tried to focus on doing the best job possible and never taking even a second to think of "what if". She restocked all of the maps and brochures and updated their website with events as far ahead as the following year. Every pencil in the supplies was sharpened. Every picture and map on the wall was straightened. She cleaned the visitor area – twice – and even called the ranger dispatch area to get status updates on all of the current requisitions before they were due. If she had any shot of keeping this job, she had to show Seneca that she was more than able to do the job. Better yet, his job would be significantly harder without her.

Keeping busy made the day go faster than she expected, and before long she found herself heading to Dr. Aurelius's office. For a moment, she wished Gale was with her like he had been the first time they arrived. But she shook those thoughts from her head before memories of her nightmare could take over. A red-headed nurse came in to escort her to the MRI room. She had never had an MRI, but read enough about them to anticipate what would happen. She lay down on a narrow bed, and the attendant positioned her arm to get the best angle for the images. She lay as still as she could be while the machine turned on and got in position. When the attendant told her to, she held her breath and concentrated on being the very definition of still and silent, just as she did with her father when he took her hunting. She blocked out the trapped feeling she had when the narrow bed moved into the MRI machine and cut her off from the world, or the loud whirring and banging noises the machine made. Instead, she imagined her father in the woods, carrying their game and humming a song to make Katniss smile.

When the MRI was complete, she was led back into an exam room and asked to remove her sweatshirt and T-shirt so that Dr. Aurelius could properly examine her shoulder. The nurse handed her a faded patient gown that smelled of industrial detergent, and asked her to slip it on over her jeans and bra. Then she left Katniss alone in the room, sitting on a patient table not unlike the ones in the arena. Not unlike the ones she and Peeta would sit on while getting iced. What would a friend do? If he were here in the room with her, would he make a joke to distract her from her fear? Would he tell her about the blonde woman, and ask Katniss for advice on how to propose? Would he hold her hand and tell her she did not have to be scared?

After what felt like hours but was probably only minutes, Dr. Aurelius came in and greeted Katniss with a warm smile and gentle handshake, being careful to go easy on her arm. He tried to make small talk with her as he gently probed the tendons and delicate musculature of her shoulder, but she couldn't handle conversation with strangers even when her insides weren't twisting up in worry. As he began to ask about her weekend, she blurted out, "What about my shoulder?"

His eyes widened, and then relaxed again. "Straight to the point – I respect that. Well, I've had a chance to look over your PT notes, as well as your MRI. And my physical exam here is confirming what they showed me. The tear in your rotator cuff is not healing as well as it should. I'm afraid you're going to need surgery to fix it."

The answer she had tried to prepare herself for still hit her like a cannon ball to the chest. "I did everything you said to do, and I did all my PT. I promise, I did everything right," she whispered.

"You did a great job in PT. It just seems that your shoulder wasn't responding to non-surgical intervention. It happens – sometimes tears can heal on their own with physical therapy and time, and sometimes the damage is too great. In this case, your rotator cuff was torn more significantly than we originally thought. But the surgery will make a world of difference. There will be a hard recovery time of a few months, in which you'll need to do more physical therapy in order to regain the use of your arm. There are the dangers that come with any surgery, especially since we will be putting you under general anesthesia. But the good news is, it's outpatient surgery so you'll be in and out in one day."

"What about work? I can't lose my job. I'll lose everything…" she trailed off before realizing that she had revealed more than she intended about her personal situation.

"Since your job is mostly lightweight work and administrative duties, you'll be able to return to work after a week. But you'll have to wear the sling again for a while, to keep you from doing further damage as it heals," he replied. "I'll also write a letter to your boss if you'd like, explaining the need for your short absence and the extent of your physical capabilities when you return."

A week. That's five days, and she had been saving that time for the holidays. But if she couldn't take the time and had to go unpaid for the week, or worse lose her job from the absence, she and Prim wouldn't have a home to spend the holidays in.

"Ok," she mumbled. She was in shock, but tried to listen as he gave her photocopied sheets of pre-surgery instructions and pamphlets with details about the surgery. It was impossible to process this now, so she folded it all and stuck it in the back pocket of her jeans. He gave her a card with a surgery day and time – one week from today, bright and early on a Monday morning at 8:00 am. He reached out for her hand to gently shake it goodbye and told her he would see her next week, then walked out of the room and left the door open.

She sat on the table in shock for a moment, unsure if she was supposed to go or wait for someone else to come into the room and drop another bomb on to her. After waiting for a few minutes, she walked out of the room and walked to the small checkout desk, where the nurse checked her out and told her she could leave. Now, she just had to drop by PT to tell Effie she was having surgery. Then, she had to go home and tell Prim.

As she made the ten-minute drive from the clinic to PT, she steeled herself for her eventual talk with Prim. It would have made sense for her to bring her little sister to the appointment. Prim's true calling was medicine and it showed anytime someone was in pain or needed help. She would have been able to ask Dr. Aurelius the important questions that Katniss was sure she had been supposed to ask if she had not been dazed by the news. Prim would have been able to remember the important information and manage any follow-up details, while Katniss just sat there and wondered about the holiday break.

Her car pulled into the parking lot and she sighed in relief as she realized she did not recognize any cars parked there – especially not a certain beige SUV. It was very unlikely that Peeta would have been there at this time, but she had to admit she had been scared at the possibility of facing him before she had figured out how to best avoid him. Katniss parked in the first row of cars and eased herself out of the car. From here, she could make out a purple fuzzy sweater… thing on Effie. _She kind of looks like a Muppet…_

She couldn't help but giggle at the image, until she realized that the papers and pamphlets had fallen out of her back pocket and landed on the cold black asphalt next to her car. She quickly squatted down to retrieve them and popped back up, only to find herself staring into some very familiar blue eyes.

"Didn't I tell you we had to stop meeting like this?" he teased.

Katniss knew that she was staring at Peeta with her mouth open, but her brain seemed to lose the ability to give her body simple commands. It wasn't until he raised his eyebrows at her that it turned back on.

_Breathe in._

_Close mouth._

_Breathe out._

_Say something._

"I was dropping off… um. I have these papers… what are you doing here?" she stammered nervously.

He grinned proudly and held up a knee brace. "I have graduated from this terrible contraption to a much more flexible and lightweight brace. I came to return this torture device and show off my fancy new one the orthopedist gave me. I was just walking in, and imagine my surprise to see my favorite archer here as well. Did you have a good weekend?"

_Don't do it._

_Just leave._

_You have to leave, now._

_Before you say something you'll regret._

Her eyes dashed quickly to the ground and she saw in the corner of her eyes that she held her car keys in one hand, papers for Effie in the other. She couldn't stay and talk to Effie. She had to go, _now_.

"Yeah… but I have to go now. I have to go get Prim. I'm really late, she's gonna be worried," she sputtered after turning to her car door.

She caught a quick glimpse of his furrowed brow before sliding in to the driver's seat.

"OK… definitely never keep a lady waiting, that's what my dad always told me. But I'll see you tomorrow morning? We have to decide where to go for dinner this week," he said.

She froze for just a second. "I won't be in tomorrow… this week is just really busy, so I can't make it. I gotta go," she said, cutting off the last sentence by slamming her car door shut. She sped off before she could embarrass herself further, and before she could see the confused look on Peeta's face, or the defeat radiating off his body as he limped back to his car, his eyes directed to her car as she sped off.


	5. Chapter 5

_(Author's Note: Thanks to everyone for the reviews, follows and favorites! And huge thanks to for-prim, beta extraordinaire._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Hunger Games or any of these characters.)_

The surgery was supposed to be at eight a.m., which meant she had to be there at six-thirty. Prim wanted to take the day off from school, but of course Katniss refused to let something as seemingly unimportant as her surgery keep her little sister from school. Prim saw it differently, and had been mad at Katniss all week for her refusal to let Prim help. But this morning, Prim could not find it in her to be mad. When she found Katniss in the kitchen making breakfast for her at six in the morning, she rushed up behind her big sister to give her a hug that she hoped said everything Katniss was too stubborn to believe. _Everything is going to be ok._

Katniss's one concession was to allow Prim to drive her to the hospital, but not to stay. Prim would skip her afterschool activities – Mondays were Civic Leadership club, which Prim originally took because her friends did but now truly enjoyed. It allowed her to do charity projects for the community, like raising money for the local animal shelter and doing a medical supply drive for homeless shelters. But she was happy to skip it today to be able to come to the hospital immediately after the end of her last class. By then, Katniss would be awake and ready to come home with Prim.

An admitting nurse had called her four days ago to go over pre-op and post-op instructions and asked, "Will there be anyone at home to take care of you?" Katniss had just told her not to worry about it. Prim would be there when school was out, and Katniss could manage to take care of herself the rest of the time.

She patted Prim's arms in gratitude and turned her attention back to her little sister's breakfast. She finished spreading peanut butter on Prim's toast and arranged raisins on the sticky surface in a smiley face. Prim leaned against the worn counter next to her and rolled her eyes in mock exasperation but giggled as she grabbed the plate.

"I made you some lunch, too," said Katniss.

Prim smiled. "You didn't have to do that."

Katniss shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Actually, I made lunch for the next few days since I probably won't be able to do it for a bit."

She opened the refrigerator to show the four stuffed paper bags, each with the word "PRIM" scrawled in marker, and a doodle of a little duck, swimming in cartoon water. Prim covered her face with her hands as she giggled at her sister. "You _really_ couldn't sleep, huh?" she asked.

Katniss smirked a little, her first attempt at a smile in over a week. Prim brightened up to see that start of happiness on her sister's face again, even if it was only a little bit. She stuffed the peanut butter toast in her mouth and made a face with her stuffed cheeks to try and bring a giggle out of Katniss. It worked.

Katniss always enjoyed seeing the happiness that radiated from Prim's eyes when she smiled, or how the waves in her hair shook when she giggled. For the first time in a while, Katniss could not help but think what would happen to that smile if she was not able to provide for them. The mental picture of a hollow-faced Prim with sad eyes was too much for her to take, so Katniss cleared her throat and reminded herself that it was time to move on to the matter at hand.

"Time to get going, Little Duck. Grab your stuff, and I'll meet you in the car," Katniss said.

Prim rinsed her plate off in the sink and placed it in the drying rack, then rushed to her room to grab her bag. Katniss carefully put on her old, gray wool coat, taking care not to hurt her shoulder further. She had skipped PT all last week, both to avoid Peeta and because she didn't see the point anyway if she was already due for surgery.

After driving away from Peeta a week ago, she called Effie and quickly fibbed that she was stuck in traffic and could not drop by in person, but that she would need surgery and would fax over the sheets Dr. Aurelius had given her with details about the surgery. Effie made several "tisk" and "aww" sounds that were probably meant to be sympathetic, but Katniss was too distracted by the man she ran away from in the parking lot.

It wasn't very nice or particularly mature for her to run away without giving him an explanation. But she didn't regret doing it, because even after a week she could not come up with a way to tell him that she had to avoid him without sounding like a complete basket case. _Peeta, I mistakenly thought you were interested in me but you're obviously not because you have a girlfriend, and now I'm too self-conscious to be your friend, and I'm probably about to lose my job and home anyway so it would really be best if I just never saw you again._

Prim ran in from her room swinging her pink backpack upon her shoulders and grabbed the car keys off of the hook by the back door. Katniss followed after, gathering her messenger bag which served as her purse, and gave the home a final look before turning off the lights and securing the lock. She tried not to think about the possibility of complications from surgery, because she had enough complications going on in her life without it. It wasn't until this moment that she allowed the fear of her own mortality to sink in. But just for a moment.

On the twenty-minute drive to the hospital, Prim pleaded her case one last time to be able to skip school and stay with Katniss at the hospital. She insisted that she would not be productive at school anyway if she was worried about her sister all day and that she could get her assignments and do schoolwork in the hospital waiting room. Katniss could not be persuaded though, and she didn't tell her sister that she was worried about falling apart at the hospital - she really didn't want Prim to see her upset. As the hospital came into view, Katniss realized she had been fidgeting with her braid so much the elastic band had become tangled around her finger.

Prim pulled up to the patient drop off next to the hospital's front entrance and shifted the old sedan into park, then turned to look at her sister. "I know you're nervous," she started, and then held up her hand to stop Katniss from trying to deny it. "Not just about the surgery, but everything else. If you lose your job, we'll find you another one. We can find a way to scrape money together for bills until you do. We always find a way, Katniss. Because you always find a way to help us survive, and I'll always find a way to help you."

Before she could do something stupid like cry, Katniss pulled her sister into a hug as tight as her shoulder would allow. She refused to say goodbye because of the connotations it held, so she kissed Prim on the forehead and told her she'd see her after school. Prim nodded to her with a tearful smile, and Katniss rushed out of the car before her own tears had a chance to spill.

The woman at the admission desk on the first floor directed her to the East Wing of the hospital, where outpatient surgery was performed. When she arrived, she glanced around the waiting room and was surprised by the number of other people checking in for their own surgeries. But she was much more surprised to see Gale sitting in the waiting room, looking up at her from his newspaper.

"What are you doing here?" she asked incredulously as she sat down next to him. She wondered if she had been so consumed with her own problems that she was oblivious to something going on with her best friend.

"I'm here for you, dumbass. I waited for you when you got injured. I figured I should be here for you when you get it fixed," he replied with a smile.

"You're supposed to be working in the District 2 Park today. I saw the requisition," she said, still confused.

He rolled his eyes. "Catnip, if I can't use a vacation day to be there for my best friend's surgery, what can I use it for? It's not like I'm going to Hawaii anytime soon."

For the second time that morning, Katniss found herself on the verge of tears. It's not that she thought Gale wouldn't have wanted to support her, but rather that he had better things to do. She leaned over and gave him a tight hug, and realized how grateful she was that he would be waiting for her during her surgery. She loosened her grip around his shoulders just enough to move her face next to his ear.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He smiled at her gratitude, very aware how hard it was to earn. "You're welcome, Catnip. Now quit stalling and tell them you're here," he said, nodding towards the check-in desk.

Once again, Gale filled out her admittance paperwork for her, putting himself as her emergency contact and person responsible for taking her home. He explained that Prim had called him as soon as Katniss informed her of the surgery, and he made plans to take the day off of work. He had also called Finnick to find out what sort of post-op care she would need, and how long she was allowed to rest before she would have to start forcing herself to do physical therapy again. Normally she'd be upset that he overstepped his bounds, but she had to admit she was grateful that he and Prim had been looking out for her, despite her attempts to keep her problems from becoming theirs.

Soon Katniss was called to the pre-op area to change into a special hospital gown with the shoulder cut away to keep that area accessible for the surgeon. Once she had changed, she signed her consent forms and Gale was allowed to come back to her section in pre-op and keep her company. She lay in bed while the nurse took her vitals, started an I.V., and gave her a sedative to keep her calm before the general anesthesia was administered. He tried to distract her by telling her about Rory's multiple attempts to ask Prim to be his prom date. She actually found herself laughing out loud as the curtain pulled back.

A well-built man with mocha skin and gold-flecked eyes smiled warmly at her. "You must be Ms. Everdeen. I'm Dr. Cinna, your surgeon. My apologies for keeping you waiting, I was just discussing your case with Dr. Aurelius."

Normally she'd shake his hand, but the sedative was taking effect and her limbs felt heavy. He shook Gale's hand and walked up to Katniss's bedside, placing his hand on the bed railing.

"In a moment, we're going to go to the operating room and get started. First, we'll give you general anesthesia through your I.V. It's going to feel a bit hot when it starts to kick in, but that feeling won't last long. You're not afraid of a little fire, are you?" he asked with a wink. She shook her head no, and he smiled again in response.

"Good. Once you're asleep, we'll start the surgery. The actual operation should only take about thirty or forty minutes. It will be an all-arthroscopic surgery, so you'll only have a couple of tiny scars and a much faster recovery time. We'll reattach the tendon using small dissolvable anchors, which will slowly dissolve as you heal. After the surgery, the nurses will take you to recovery to monitor you as the anesthesia wears off. After you wake up and we're confident your vitals are stable, you can go home to finish your recovery," he explained.

"Will I be able to stay with her in recovery?" Gale asked.

"When the surgery is done, I'll come out and find you to let you know how everything went. When the nurses have her stabilized in recovery, they'll come and get you so you can be with her. That may be up to an hour after the surgery is finished, as we will want to monitor her as we slowly take her off of the anesthesia and make sure she's able to regain consciousness on her own," Dr. Cinna replied.

He turned back to Katniss. "Do you have any questions for me before we get started?" She shook her head again, feeling much more relaxed than she did before she took that sedative. _That is some good stuff._

Her surgeon placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed lightly. "I'll see you in there then. The nurse will be in here in just a few moments to take you back, so go ahead and say your goodbyes. It's only for a few hours though. Don't be nervous, Katniss. I'm betting on you."

He shook Gale's hand and walked out, sliding the curtain closed around them so they could have privacy to say goodbye. Katniss probably would not have been able to compose any eloquent goodbyes without the sedative's influence – speaking was never her talent. But feeling empowered and possibly a little loopy, she curled her finger at Gale and beckoned him to come closer.

"I have something important to tell you, Gale. I really need you to know something… in case something happens," she whispered.

He furrowed his brow and suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "Catnip, nothing's going to happen, ok?"

She scowled, frustrated that he didn't seem to be taking her seriously. "Damnit Gale, listen to me. I really need you to know this… I love you, Gale. But if you don't bring me some food to eat when I wake up, I'm going to kick your ass."

He laughed in relief and his reaction only made her angrier. "I mean it, ok? I haven't had anything to eat or drink in over twelve hours, so I really need a cheeseburger as soon as we get out of here."

He nodded to placate her, remembering Finnick's advice that she probably wouldn't want eat much of anything for several hours after the surgery. "Whatever you want, Catnip."

The nurse came in and begun to wheel her away. Before her gurney turned the corner, Gale saw Katniss lift her good arm and yell out, "AND SOME FRIES!"

The nurse took her down what seemed like an endless hall, and she tried to keep track of the route but quickly gave up. Before she knew it, she was wheeled into a large, bright room with several people already inside, wearing masks that covered most of their faces. Two were pushing buttons and turning dials on machines that were standing off to the side. Another was pulling out wires from a drawer, and the wires were soon attached to Katniss's chest with large sticky pads. The rest had their back turned to her, preparing something she couldn't see together on a counter in front of them.

She was very tired, but didn't know how anyone expected her to sleep with all of these people in the room and machines that beeped. Suddenly she realized that another person had come up beside her, and she recognized Dr. Cinna's eyes looking at her face and she smiled. Even with the mask covering his face, she could tell he was smiling too.

"Are you ready, Katniss?" he asked.

She nodded. "I'm not afraid."

He smiled again. "Then let's get started. We're going to start giving you the anesthesia. I'd like you to start counting backwards from 100."

She felt the warm rush pushing through her veins, and it felt like a cozy blanket instead of the fire he had warned her about. "100… 99… "

And that's all she remembered before she fell asleep.

She knew she had been sleeping, but she didn't expect to wake up outside. There was a bed of grass underneath her bare legs, and delicate clover for a soft, green pillow. The sky was filled with swirling shades of blue, flowing and undulating as if it was liquid. She looked down at herself and realized she was still wearing her hospital gown, but it had changed from a faded grey to a soft, glowing orange.

Katniss stood up and took in her surroundings. This was definitely not a recovery room. It seemed familiar but she could not remember where she had seen this meadow before. As far as she could see in every direction were lush, emerald green hills, dotted with what seemed to be millions of dandelions in bloom. Dandelions were never something she had concerned herself with, but she found herself drawn to them now. She bent down and plucked a tall stalk with a large, sunny yellow blossom and ran her fingers over the delicate petals. At her touch, they fell from the stem and floated away, though she felt no wind.

"Those are edible, you know," a deep voice said behind her. She spun around and smiled at the person standing before her, and suddenly remembered where she was.

"Hi Daddy," she said. She wanted to give him a hug, but something told her that he wasn't real and she was afraid to find out.

"Hi Kitten. Do you know where you are?" he asked.

She nodded. "We're in the park. We came here when I was ten, and we went off the trail and hiked until we found this meadow. We brought a picnic, then hiked back to the lake and fished. I teased Prim by dangling a worm in front of her face, and she cried. So I picked some wildflowers for her to make her feel better, and she turned them into a crown for me."

He smiled and nodded back. "You had the biggest smile on your face when she gave it to you. I haven't seen that smile in a while."

She looked away, unable to see any disappointment in her father's face. She wanted to ask if she was dead and this was Heaven (or elsewhere), but her father kept talking.

"I know things have been hard for you since I left. I never wanted that for you. I thought I'd always be able to protect you from pain. But instead, you've protected yourself and Prim. And I'm so proud of you, Kitten," he said.

"I'm lonely," she admitted. It's not something she'd ever be able to say when she was awake, but she felt safe here with her father.

"I know, Kitten. You protected yourself so much that you keep others out. But it doesn't have to be that way. You have people who care about you and want the best for you. Just like there's room in your heart for your family and friends, there's room in their hearts for you," he said.

She looked down and thought about what he said as she flexed her toes between the blades of grass, enjoying the cool, ticklish feeling. "I have Prim and Gale," she said. And they were going to leave her.

He smiled. "You have more than you think. You have no idea, the effect you can have."

Suddenly, the dandelion petals she thought had floated away drifted back and settling on her toes. But when she looked up from her feet, her dad was gone. And so was the meadow, and the grass between her toes, and the peaceful feeling she had enjoyed. It was just dark.

"Katniss?" asked a soft voice.

She heard the voice, but it wasn't her father. Realizing her eyes were closed, she cracked one eye open and saw a smiling woman standing over her. She noticed the woman's dark brown eyes and how they seemed to sparkle as they swept over Katniss's face.

"I'm Portia, your recovery nurse. Your surgery is over, and everything went just great. We're going to let you wake up a bit, and then we'll bring your friend back here to sit with you," she said. "Can I get you anything?"

Katniss had a vague recollection of wanting food before the surgery, but right now it was the furthest thing from her mind. "Water?" she asked, surprised that her throat felt raw and parched.

Portia handed her a large Styrofoam cup with a straw in it. Once she made sure Katniss was awake enough to hold on to it, Portia pressed a button on the side of her bed to slowly lift the head of her bed to a reclining position. Katniss sipped the water and thought it was the greatest thing she had ever tasted. She looked around to get her bearings. She was definitely back in the hospital, in a room with a curtain separating her from what sounded like other patients. There was a dim fluorescent light above her and a small tray to the left of her bed where she could put her water. Her right arm was immobilized in a sling with thick foam padding covering her shoulder and upper arm. She did not feel any pain except in her throat, but was incredibly stiff all over and more tired than she could ever remember being. A clock on the wall to her left told her it was just past ten in the morning.

She had no idea how much time had passed before Gale came back to sit by her, or what he said, or how long before the Portia came back and asked her to try and use the restroom. Everything was a blur, and at times she wondered if she was still in the dream she had during her surgery. Gale knew she wasn't up for much conversation and simply read his newspaper and a couple of magazines he had swiped from the waiting area. She drifted in and out of consciousness, never returning to the meadow and always coming back to her quiet corner in the hospital. When Portia asked if she needed her help to get changed or if Gale could help, she blurted "Not him!" and rolled her eyes. This is how they knew she was alert enough to go home.

Dr. Cinna dropped by to see Katniss off and gave Gale a folder of paperwork with her post-op instructions. He even included photos of her rotator cuff from the surgery, both before and after the reattachment. It wasn't something Katniss really wanted to see since the sight of blood made her queasy, but Prim would be fascinated. A wheelchair was brought in for Katniss as she was signing her discharge paperwork, but she insisted she did not need it. Gale told her to shut up and sit down in the chair, and she was too tired to argue any further.

Gale wheeled her out to his car, stopping only at the hospital pharmacy to pick up her prescribed painkillers. Her current medicine would wear off in about an hour, and Dr. Cinna told Gale that it was best to get the Vicodin in her system before the other wore off, to keep the pain manageable. Gale got Katniss settled in the passenger seat after pushing the back to lie as flat as possible. After buckling her seatbelt, he smirked at her and asked, "Ready for that cheeseburger?"

A noise somewhere between a deep groan and a disgusted gurgle escaped her throat, and he laughed. "I'll take that as a no. We do need to get some food in you, but we'll try some soup and toast at home."

Gale drove the route back to her house as slowly and carefully as he could, but she still felt every bump and dip in the road. She wasn't necessarily in pain yet, but the stiffness in her body was beginning to concentrate only on her shoulder, and the sensation was uncomfortable. When they arrived at her house, Gale walked her straight to the sofa so she could lie down on her left side, and he grabbed an old plaid flannel blanket from a nearby armchair to keep her warm. She snoozed for a few minutes while he made a quick lunch of chicken noodle soup and toast, and he brought it to her with a large glass of water to take her painkiller.

The next few hours blurred together for her. At some point, Prim came home and kissed her forehead. They all watched a movie together, but Katniss could not recall any details about it. Even when she was awake, she didn't even feel conscious. Reality came and went in waves, but in all the time she spent asleep she never returned to that meadow. Katniss thought she heard Prim and Gale talking about her… or were they talking to her? It didn't matter - she couldn't remember it anyway. At some point, pizza was delivered but she didn't remember ordering it. Or eating it, for that matter.

Eventually Gale put on his jacket and leaned down next to Katniss, who was still spread out on the sofa with one eye open. "Katniss, I'll call and check on you tomorrow, okay? Prim is gonna take care of you tonight and tomorrow after school, and you'll have someone coming by tomorrow morning, too," he whispered.

She must have been more drugged than she thought, because she thought he said someone was coming in the morning. And if it wasn't Prim and it wasn't Gale, who was left? She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to ask Gale who, but the words turned to slush in her mouth. He seemed to anticipate her question though, and simply said, "Don't worry about it."

That was enough of an answer for her now, and she closed her eyes and fell back into a dreamless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

_Thanks to for-prim, my beta for spelling, grammar, __**content**__ and life. She asked me to mention that if there are typos in this chapter, it is because her roommate was blasting Nickelback songs and it began to fry her brain._

At least twice during the night, Katniss woke up thinking her shoulder was being forcibly torn from her body. The anesthesia had worn off completely, and she was already trying to avoid the painkillers so she could stop feeling like a zombie. But the pain proved too difficult, and she eventually took another Vicodin just after two a.m.

Prim came in to check on Katniss just before she left for school. She eased Katniss into the living room and surrounded her with the basics for survival: large bottles of water, a breakfast of a toasted bagel with peanut butter and a banana, crackers and fruit for snacks, the remote control, Prim's collection of magazines and a book from the library, and her cell phone. After tucking her in to the sofa for the fourth time and checking to make sure her big sister had everything for the sixth time, Prim reluctantly left for school.

Katniss turned the television on to some morning sports show where the hosts were arguing over the Heisman chances for Capitol University's star quarterback. She didn't particularly care for the team, but it gave her brain something to focus on other than the pain. There was nothing her body wanted to do more than to go back to sleep, but her brain yelled at her to wake up and eat her breakfast. Her brain won the argument, and she eased herself into a sitting position and placed the plate of food on her lap. As she bit off a large mouthful of peanut butter and bagel, she heard a key opening the front door.

_Prim must have forgotten something. If she thinks I'm letting her stay home from school today, she's nuts. _

She stuffed another bite of her breakfast in her mouth and looked at the front door with a smirk on her face. Which was promptly wiped off as soon as she saw who had let themselves in.

"Did you miss me?" asked Finnick. "So glad you decided to dress up for me."

She looked down at her ratty pajama bottoms with faded cupcakes printed on them, and her too-large "District 12 Parks and Recreation" t-shirt that served as a nightshirt. Her hair was _technically_ in the braid that she wore it in for her surgery, but was falling apart and messy from sleep. She started to feel embarrassed that Finnick was seeing her like this, until she remembered the problem with this scenario.

"What the hell are you doing in my house? Who the hell gave you a key? What gives you the right to just barge in here?" she shouted with increasing volume at each question. Finnick simply smiled in his usual cocky manner and sat next to her on the sofa.

"Oh please, make yourself at home," she snarled.

"Thank you, I will. If you're done yelling, I'd like to answer your questions. First, I am in your house because you need to start PT if you want this surgery and recovery to be a success, and you've been avoiding the arena all last week so Gale asked me to bring the arena to you. Second, Gale told me where you keep the spare key, seeing as you'd probably be too drugged up to come and answer the door, or too stubborn to open it once you saw it was me. By the way, under the doormat is a terrible place to keep a spare key. And finally, I have the right to barge in here because I was asked to, not only by Gale but by your sister as well. That's two against your one. And by the way, I'm glad your sister didn't inherit your personality – I actually _loved_ talking to her," he said as he raised his eyebrow.

She pointed at him. "I swear to God, if you so much as _think_ of flirting with her, I will punch you in the dick."

He threw his head back and laughed. "That's rich, seeing as how you're incapacitated now. But don't worry; I like my ladies of legal age. Now before we get started, I need to ask. When's the last time you took a Vicodin?"

"None of your business. Get out of my house," she snapped.

He sighed. "Well, if I go, then we're going to have to send someone else over. Would you prefer Haymitch comes to your house?"

The thought of that grumpy old bastard invading her home was enough to make her quiet. As she was trying to think of a way to get Finnick out of her house without having to call the police, her phone buzzed with an incoming text.

_Don't be mad – at least do it for me, if not for yourself. You need the PT and someone to keep an eye on you until I get home. And now you have someone to watch bad TV with! – XOXO Prim_

Prim knew that Katniss would do anything she asked her to do, but this was really pushing it. All Katniss wanted to do was finish her breakfast, curl up with some daytime TV, and rest until Prim got home that afternoon. She did not want a virtual stranger sitting in her house with her. But she _really_ did not want to upset Prim, so she clenched her jaw and looked at Finnick.

"You can stay. But tell Gale to make peace with his God, because he's a dead man," she said.

He smiled. "You can tell him yourself, he told me he was going to call you later. Now, when did you last take Vicodin?"

"It was around three a.m. I think, "she said.

"He looked at his watch. "It's almost eight now, so it's time for you to take another. For at least the first 48 hours after the surgery, you're going to want to stay on top of your pain medication or it will become unbearable. After the 48 hours, you can try to wean off it a bit and step down to just ibuprofen and ice. But until then, take this." He handed two pills to her, and she swallowed the Vicodin with the water from one of the nearby bottles on the coffee table.

Before he took her arm out of the sling, Finnick discussed the basics of her recovery plan. They would start with simple extension exercises, where he would assist her in moving her arm around to gauge her range of motion and prevent residual stiffness, which was a side effect of the surgery if proper PT wasn't performed afterwards. After a couple of weeks of extension exercises, they would try resistance and weight bearing exercises to start challenging her muscles again. She would need to ice her shoulder a few times a day to promote healing and to discourage the swelling in her shoulder.

He gingerly pried apart the Velcro straps wrapped around the foam stabilizer surrounding her shoulder. With a gentle and steady hand, he removed the sling and slid the stabilizer off of her while keeping her arm in a slightly bent position. Her shoulder felt much more vulnerable now that it didn't have up to four inches of protection encasing it, but Finnick was very careful to keep her shoulder and arm safe. He kept her forearm in his left hand as he used his right to cup her other elbow, and gave a slight lifting motion to indicate she should stand.

She glanced at his face and was amazed to see a complete absence of his usual bravado and inherent swagger. His brow was slightly furrowed and his eyes were narrowed in a look of intense concentration that focused on her upper arm. He watched the bend and strain of her muscles as he used both hands to extend her right arm completely to her side, parallel to the floor. She didn't feel the sharp pinch of pain that she was expecting. Instead, her shoulder felt stiff and locked, as if it was a rusty gate that had not been opened in years.

"Tell me what you're thinking," said Finnick, his eyes never leaving her shoulder.

She didn't realize she had been wincing until she tried to open her mouth.

"The pain… my shoulder is so stiff. Is it supposed to feel like that?"

He glanced at her face, then back to her shoulder. "It is. That's one of the things we have to fix now with the PT. Part of it will be with your body, and part of it will be with your mind. So close your eyes."

"Why?" she asked.

He looked back to her face with the slightest smirk. "Because it will help."

She was too tired and overwhelmed to argue, and closed her eyes as a heavy sigh escaped her lungs. Finnick continued his work, bringing her arm back to the original bent position before extending it again.

"Katniss, I want you to think of a memory that makes you happy. Maybe it was spending time with someone, or doing something you love, or being somewhere that made you smile. I want you to think about it while you take deep breaths. And as you exhale, I want you to pretend that your body is relaxing a little more with every breath," said Finnick. He was using a calm, relaxing voice – if her eyes were open she would look at him skeptically, but when she could not see him it seemed to make his words more sincere.

Before she could consciously choose her memory, she found her thoughts drifting to the dream she had during surgery. The verdant hills dotted with dandelions. The petals floating through the breeze against the blue firmament spread above her. She imagined taking a deep breath of the clean, grass-scented air and exhaled as a tranquil feeling washed through her tired body.

She was somewhat aware of Finnick slowly swinging her arm across her body as he said, "You're doing great, Katniss. Keep it up."

Her father wasn't in the meadow this time, but she didn't mind. She relished the feeling of filling her lungs and slowly using the muscles in her chest to push the air out. She was aware of the muscles holding her in place, and the bones holding her up, and her skin holding her together. Before she knew it, she did not have to try to relax; she already was.

"Katniss, open your eyes," Finnick whispered. She obeyed slowly, letting the light from the reality of her living room creep in. Her arm was still slightly bent and being cradled in Finnick's hands. "How do you feel?" he asked.

She had to admit that she felt good, although it might be from the painkillers that were starting to kick in. But the relaxed, almost weightless feeling was nothing like she had experienced in the past 24 hours with Vicodin.

"Pretty good, actually. Thank you," she said, mumbling the last words because her lips weren't accustomed to saying it.

Finnick couldn't help but smile. "'Dear Diary, today Miss Katniss Hard-ass Everdeen thanked me. And I think her heart grew three sizes that day…" he trailed off as her scowl quickly returned to her face. "…Or not."

He carefully eased the stabilizer back around her shoulder, and strapped her sling back in place. Once he got her comfortable again on the sofa, he walked into the kitchen to grab the bag of frozen peas for her shoulder.

"These really are perfect to use for your shoulder. But you know, you really shouldn't eat them when you're done with PT. It's been defrosted and frozen too many times," he said as he positioned the bag in place. She laughed, louder than she intended. The Vicodin was definitely kicking in.

"Not a problem. I think that bag of peas has been in the freezer forever. It's what we always use when we're injured. It's probably ten years old," she giggled. _When did I start giggling? I'm sleepy._

When her head started to sway from side to side, Finnick adjusted her position so that she could stretch out, her back propped up on a throw pillow and her feet resting on the coffee table.

"I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a minute." She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the sofa. "You don't have to stay, tell Gale I'm fine," she added.

"Can't do it, Katniss. I may be a stunning specimen of human perfection, but Gale can still beat the shit out of me. Go ahead and nap," he said, reaching across her for the remote control on the arm of the sofa. He was still talking when she fell asleep, something about a second shift but she didn't catch it.

It was a dreamless sleep, and she had no idea how long she was out before the sounds of someone in the kitchen woke her up. She knew there was not much food in the kitchen, and she certainly had not expected to need food for Finnick. "I don't think there's much to snack on in there, Finnick," she said, rubbing her knuckles slowly against her eyelids to wake up.

She heard his familiar laugh, but not from the kitchen where she expected. "There will be soon, though," Finnick said. She opened her eyes and found him sitting next to her, legs crossed and propped on the coffee table. He had a textbook of some kind open on his thighs, but his attention was split between some terrible show on TV where people on a stage were fighting over dresses, and her increasing state of revival.

"What time is it?" she asked.

He closed his textbook after placing a small piece of rope between the pages as a bookmark. "Almost lunchtime. We'll eat soon, and then I'm going to head out."

She nodded, and stretched her legs before bending them to place her feet on the floor. "Prim will be home around 3:30, maybe 4. I'll be fine until then."

He smirked, and his eyes held some sort of joke that she didn't know the punchline to yet. "Oh, I know you will." He looked behind her and reached an arm over the back of the sofa. "Thanks, man. This looks great."

She realized that Finnick had grabbed a plate from someone's hand. Someone. _There's someone else in my fucking house._ She whipped her head around quickly; too quickly. So the gasp she made was partly from the pain of rotating her shoulders so fast. But it was also from the sight of the blonde man standing in front of her, arm outstretched to her with a plate of food.

_That's it. No more Vicodin. _Because a hallucination is the only logical reason she could come up with for why Peeta was standing in front of her, in her house, in her living room, _in her apron._

Finnick watched in amusement and when he saw that Katniss was too dumbfounded to take the plate Peeta offered; he reached up and grabbed it for her. Peeta nodded thanks to Finnick and returned to the kitchen. She watched him leave her side and move around her kitchen with ease. She couldn't tell what he was doing from her position, but when she heard the oven open the air was filled with the most exquisite, savory scent.

_What the hell is going on?_ And then she realized she had said that out loud.

"Peeta is your second shift. As much as I would love to stay on the sofa with you and watch TV, I do have to get back to my other patients. Try not to miss me too much, though – I'll be back tomorrow morning." Finnick turned his attention back to his plate, and she saw that he had placed hers on her lap. The lunch Peeta had apparently made looked simple enough – a turkey sandwich. But closer inspection showed that the bread wasn't the same kind of cheap uniform slices she bought on sale at the grocery store, but rather a hearty wheat bread studded with seeds and grains. The turkey wasn't the slick, factory-pressed cold cuts from their refrigerator, but thick chunks of meat that looked to be ripped from someone's Thanksgiving table. The sandwich was stuffed with succulent leaves of deep green spinach, and crisp slices of green apple stopped with a thick slice of creamy white cheese. Maybe it was the Vicodin talking, but she thought it was easily the best thing she'd tasted in years.

The happy noises had escaped from her throat before she could stop them, and she saw Finnick wiggling his eyebrows at her from the corner of her eye. Luckily for him, he was sitting on her right side and she couldn't exactly punch him from there. Yet.

She had wolfed down half of her sandwich before she noticed that Peeta had joined them again, sitting in an easy chair across from them with his own sandwich on a plate in his lap. He gave her a brief smile before turning his attention to his lunch. It wasn't the kind of smile he used to give her in the arena, but she knew that was her own fault. But for the life of her, she still could not understand why he was here.

"Don't you have work?" She cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. _There honestly had to be a better way to say that without sounding like a complete bitch._

He paused and swallowed his bite, and she noticed the slide of his Adam's apple along his throat. _STOP THAT, KATNISS._

"I did this morning. But it looks like I'm going to have afternoons free for a while. Before the new semester started, the principal decided they did not have enough funds for a full-time art teacher or a full-time music teacher. So now we have to split the day. I teach during the morning periods, and Mrs. Undersee teaches the afternoon periods," he said. Katniss knew what that meant – his paycheck was just cut in half. Maybe he didn't live paycheck to paycheck like she and Prim did, but it was still a hard loss for anyone to take.

"Peeta, I'm so sorry," she said. And she hoped that he didn't hate her enough to push away her sentiment, because it didn't come along very often. She may feel sorry for herself a lot, but she rarely extended that to other people.

He looked up from his sandwich and gave her a shy smile, but she could not mistake the tinge of sadness in his eyes. "Thank you. But I'm going to make the most of it. I decided to go back to school for my Masters in Art Education. My dad helped me find some good student loan programs, and now I can use my afternoons for class and studying. In fact, I brought some of my paperwork to do here this afternoon. That way, I won't bother you." He broke eye contact while saying the last sentence, and after how she had treated him in the parking lot the last time they spoke, she couldn't blame him.

"Sorry Finnick dragged you over," she said, and heard a snort of laughter coming from her right. She looked over to Finnick, who was shaking his head.

"Nope. Nope, nope, nope. He asked to come. He already knew about your surgery and that I was coming for your PT, and he wanted to help," Finnick said nonchalantly before shoving the last bite of his own sandwich into his mouth.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Aren't you supposed to keep my information private? Aren't there laws about doctors not sharing information about their patient's surgeries with other people? Or does that not apply to physical therapists?"

Finnick's eyes widened and he struggled to swallow his sandwich to respond. Before he could, Peeta spoke up. "He didn't tell me, Katniss. Prim did."

_WHAT THE HELL? How does Prim know Peeta? Is everybody in my life conspiring against me?_ That time, she was _pretty_ sure she did not say it out loud. But Peeta saw the confused look on her face, and continued.

"Yesterday morning, I was in the music classroom talking with Mrs. Undersee about her new boyfriend, and Prim came in to tell Mrs. Undersee that she was going to be absent from Civic Leadership group after class. She said her sister Katniss was having surgery, and she was going to go straight home to see her. Now, Katniss isn't the most common name, and Prim was in my Art 2 class last semester so I knew her last name was Everdeen, like yours. I asked Prim about you and she told me everything – how you were having surgery, and would be home for a week. And how your friend convinced Finnick to do PT at home for you. I asked if there was anything I could do, and she said 'not unless you know anyone who wouldn't mind taking care of her during the day' and I said I wouldn't mind at all." He told this to her so matter-of-factly, as if her worlds colliding in the most bizarre way was something that happened every day for him.

Finnick finally swallowed the last of his lunch and continued for Peeta. "Then he drops by work yesterday and asks me all about coming over to take care of you. We worked out that I would be here from 8 until noon, and he'd get here at noon and take over until Prim comes home."

It bothered her that everything had been decided for her without any consideration for her input. "Do I get a say in this?" she asked.

"No," they replied in unison. And again, she was too tired to argue. Sensing the end of the conversation, Finnick rose and strode to the kitchen and placed his plate in the sink. He returned to the living room and grabbed a brown leather backpack placed against the wall that she had not noticed before. He reached to the sofa and grabbed his textbook, then stuffed it inside the backpack.

"Katniss, it's been lovely watching you snore. I leave you in good hands, and I'll see you tomorrow. Make sure you ice your shoulder again very soon." He gave her a wink and a sly smile, then turned to Peeta and gave him a fist bump, which made Katniss roll her eyes. _A fucking fist bump?_ He turned and walked through the front door without another word.

And then, it was just her and Peeta. Sitting in the same room. Staring at each other. Each hoping the floor would open up and swallow them whole.

Peeta broke the silence first by clearing his throat, and pointing to the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind, I'm using your oven. My family has a tradition of making ridiculous amounts of food for someone when they're not well, so I thought I'd do the same for you. I've got some cheese buns in the oven, and brought over a few things I made last night, as well as some groceries."

It was a kind gesture on his behalf, but she could not help but be annoyed. Did he think she needed charity? Did Prim tell him how tight their finances were, or how Katniss was in danger of losing her job? "You didn't have to do that. I'll pay you back," she told him with more venom in her voice than she realized.

His eyes grew wide. "You don't need to do that. I figured you wouldn't be able to go grocery shopping for a bit, so I took care of it. Plus, you're doing me a favor. There's construction near my apartment, and it's too noisy to study. Consider this like a rent payment, for letting me park my butt here and read."

She wasn't convinced. "We don't need charity, Peeta."

"I know that you don't," he replied.

"I can take care of myself," she said.

He smiled. "I don't doubt that."

But despite his assurance, she was still on edge from his presence. Was he patronizing her? Did he want to come to her house to see her and reject her, the way she had rejected him? He mentioned Prim's Civic Leadership club, and wondered if this was his way of doing a charity project. _No, Prim said Mrs. Undersee was the advisor of that club. Maybe he was too?_

The remnants of the drug-induced haze were preventing her from thinking clearly, and she decided that now was a good time to try to take another nap and avoid conversation with Peeta until Prim came home. She knew it was time to take medicine again, and Finnick had convinced her to stay on top of the pain reliever schedule until tomorrow. She slowly reached in front of her to grab the water and bottle of pills in front of her, and noticed that Peeta was watching her but made no move to help her. _Good. I can do this myself. _

He watched her as she awkwardly opened the bottle's child-proof cap with only one working arm, slipped the pills on her tongue and took several long gulps from the water bottle. Prim always teased her that she always chugged, never sipped. The plastic bottle crinkled as she chugged half of the water bottle before realizing that Peeta was still watching her, and was probably horrified at her unladylike display of manners. _I bet his girlfriend has perfect manners._

She carefully shifted her position to put her legs up on the sofa, and slowly twisted herself until she was on her left side with her legs stretched out beside her. It was admittedly easier when Prim or Gale or Finnick had helped her before, but she was determined to show Peeta that she could take care of herself. He was still looking at her, and she could not read his face to determine what he was thinking. She lifted her head and asked, "Do you want me to turn the TV off so you can read?"

He shook his head. "Not necessary. I study better with some background noise."

_Then why is he here if he said his apartment was too loud?_ She ignored this thought and looked around for the remote. It was on the coffee table; just close enough to tease her but far enough that she'd have to sit up again to get it. She set her jaw in determination and lifted her torso up with her left arm. For some reason, her body felt as if it was made from lead and was refusing to cooperate, and the stiffness in her shoulder was radiating throughout her back. It took several minutes, but she eventually claimed the remote in her left hand and flopped back on the sofa, embarrassed that the effort of simply grabbing the remote had caused her to break into a sweat.

"Don't forget to ice your shoulder," Peeta said.

_Shit. _

The freezer was easily twenty feet away, but it might as well have been twenty miles. The idea of standing up, walking to the freezer, grabbing the frozen peas, walking back to the sofa, and lying down again was too much, and she wanted to cry. She clenched her eyes shut and tried to work up the will to move herself from her position, but she couldn't. She knew what she had to do.

"Peeta," she whispered. "Will you get the frozen peas from the freezer? I can't…" and she couldn't admit that there was something she could not do. She waited for him to tease her, or point out that maybe she could not take care of herself after all. Instead, he stood up and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the frozen bag from the freezer and his own book from the kitchen counter. He stood by her side and positioned the peas on her shoulder as Finnick had before. She glanced up and saw that he was smiling.

"Peas are good. I use frozen corn, personally." He picked up her blanket and tucked it in around her, being careful not to disturb her sling when he gently laid the blanket up to her neck.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He smiled in response, and it was the smile she used to see from their time in the arena. It was a great, big genuine smile full of happiness and warmth and whatever else it was that seemed to radiate from Peeta. Her stomach tightened and seemed to shift inside her gut, and it was a combination of her nerves and the Vicodin that drove her to speak before her mind could stop her.

"Does your girlfriend mind that you're here?" _Shit. Shit shit shit._

He looked genuinely confused, and she remembered that he didn't know she had spotted him with the mystery blonde. "What girlfriend?" he asked.

_Oh man, I'm going to have to tell him. And I can't even think straight right now._ "The other day… it was a couple of weeks ago. Someone picked you up… the car was beige… um, she was pretty. It was a blonde woman. She hugged you, and… you kissed her. On the cheek." Her face felt hot from the admission, and her stomach tightened again but with the sickening curl of nausea rising up her chest. _He thinks I'm a complete psycho stalker._

His eyes remained clouded in confusion for a moment, but she could see the exact moment he remembered the day as his eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Delly? She's the only woman who picks me up. The rest of the time it's Mr. Beetee, the science teacher." He left her side at the sofa and returned to the chair, opening his textbook but keeping his eyes locked on her.

The mystery blonde had a name now. She swallowed, hoping her embarrassment wasn't too evident. "Delly. Does she mind that you're here?"

He smiled again, but softly this time. "No. I don't have a girlfriend, Katniss. Delly is my sister."

And as she fell asleep, she imagined herself banging her head against the wall and calling herself an idiot.

Another few hours, and another dreamless sleep. When she woke up, Peeta was no longer sitting in the chair across from her, and the TV was turned off. The house smelled like butter and cheese and chocolate and everything delicious, and she heard voices coming from the kitchen. There was laughter, and she picked out Prim's laugh that always sounded like a tinkling bell. There was also Peeta's laugh, which sounded like it emanated all the way up from his toes.

"Prim?" Katniss asked, and was surprised that her throat was felt raw again. Prim had told her that the surgical nurse had put a tube down her throat during the surgery, and it would feel sore for a few days. She heard her little sister rush in from the kitchen, and felt her arms wrap around her before she could actually see her.

Prim smiled at her, and Katniss smiled back even though Prim's grip was hurting her shoulder a bit. She leaned in and whispered to Katniss, "Are you mad at me?"

"No, just ease up on my shoulder a little," Katniss said. Prim rolled her eyes but released her grip.

"I mean, are you mad that Finnick was here? And Mr. Mellark?" Prim asked. Katniss smiled as she realized that he was Peeta to her but 'Mr. Mellark' and a teacher to Prim.

Prim knew Katniss would hate the idea of others thinking she was weak and absolutely detest the idea of others having to take care of her. And Katniss had to admit that she had been angry. But she could not deny that Finnick had helped her with PT today, and with helping her to relax. And Peeta took care of her, even though she had treated him horribly the last time she saw him, and even though he must have better things to do. He volunteered himself to Prim and sought out Finnick, all to help Katniss. It seemed like he really wanted to be here with Katniss, and she smiled as she realized that she wanted him here, too.

"I'm not mad. Well, not anymore. But talk to me before you start inviting people over to our house, ok?" she said, giving Prim a wink. Her little sister smiled in return.

"He's not just 'people', Katniss. He's Mr. Mellark. Of course, it didn't take long for me to realize that he was your friend from PT. Small world, huh?" Prim said while giving her sister a wink back. Katniss knew from her tone that there was something more to her statement but it was a subject she _really_ did not want to get into while the subject of their discussion was only one room away.

Prim helped her sit up and adjusted her blanket to wrap around her lap as Peeta walked into the room carrying a plate and a large glass of something pale and iced.

He handed them to Prim, then pushed the coffee table so it was almost against Katniss's knees. "Now it will be easier for you to reach," he said with a wink.

Prim placed the plate and glass on the table in front of Katniss, and she and Peeta returned to the kitchen in several trips to bring out their own food and drinks, as well as a glass pitcher full of the iced beverage, and a basket full of rolls sprinkled with melted cheese. On the plates in front of them was a bed of creamy, pearl-like rice with chunks of chicken and tiny orange slices on top. She could hear herself protesting, telling Peeta that it was too much and she could not pay him back for it, but the decadent aroma forced her hand to dig into the food and take a bite before she could speak.

She knew the word "lush" but never imagined it could be applied to food. But that's the first word that popped into her head as she savored the feast before her. It was lush and decadent yet hearty. It warmed her up, from her stomach all the way to her toes, and even her soul if that was possible. She finished the plate before she could speak, and she looked up to see Prim handing her one of the cheese-covered rolls.

"You have to have one of these, Katniss. They're amazing," Prim said, her mouth full of food. Katniss looked up at Peeta, who was studying her and smiling. She bit off a piece of the bread, and made the most blissful moan. It was hard to tell in the weak light cast by the two small lamps in their living room, but she thought she saw a blush blooming across his cheeks.

"Are these the cheese buns you were making earlier?" she asked him. He nodded. "They're amazing."

He smiled, and cleared his throat. "Thank you," he said quietly. _There's that blush again. It looks good on him._

The three of them made conversation, mostly between Peeta and Prim with Katniss occasionally chiming in. Katniss caught Prim looking at her and Peeta with raised eyebrows and a bemused smirk planted on her face at times, but she ignored it. Eventually they finished all the food, including every drop of lemonade from the pitcher and every crumb of cheese buns. Prim gathered their plates to take to the kitchen, winking at Katniss as she left the room.

Peeta rose from his chair and grabbed his textbook. "I should probably get going," he said softly.

The idea of his absence bothered her. "You don't have to go," she mumbled.

He nodded. "Prim has homework to do, and you're about ready for another Vicodin. You should get some sleep. But I'll see you tomorrow." He hesitated. "If that's ok?"

Maybe it was the stomach full of amazing food that he had made just for her and Prim. Or perhaps the remnants of painkillers and sleep. But it was probably the happiness she felt from his presence, and maybe just a little bit from the knowledge that the mystery blonde she had obsessed over was no longer a reason for her to push him away.

Whatever it was, she channeled all of her happiness into her smile, and told him, "I'll allow it."


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks again to everyone who has read, favorited, followed or reviewed this story! I'm eager to hear what you thought of this chapter – it gave me a lot of trouble. Lately I have been posting updates and extra info about this fic on my tumblr (tumblr name is fnurfnur) so if you're interested, head over there. _

_Thanks again to beta extraordinaire for-prim. If you have not yet, please check out her gorgeous fic "Heroes & Thieves"._

It took three and a half seconds for Prim to run in to the living room as soon as she heard the door close behind Peeta. She jumped on the sofa like an excited puppy, until Katniss complained that the bouncing was making her shoulder hurt.

"OH MY FREAKING GOSH, MR. MELLARK TOTALLY LIKES YOU, KATNISS!" Prim also made some high-pitched squealing noises that did not seem human, but Katniss understood the gist of it. But before she could admonish her sister for her ridiculous train of thought (_and it was ridiculous, right?)_, Katniss's cell phone sprang to life. Prim grabbed it before Katniss could and glanced at the caller ID before answering it.

"GALE! GUESS WHAT?" she shouted into the phone. Before she could tell Gale exactly _what_, Katniss grabbed the phone away from her little sister.

"What is it, Prim?" asked Gale.

"It's that you're a dead man for sending a stranger into my house, telling him where we keep the spare key, and not even giving me a heads up about it," Katniss growled.

Gale laughed, but it was a nervous one. "Okay, first of all. Finnick is not a stranger. He's an old friend of mine, and one of your PTs. He often does post-surgical house calls and had a lighter schedule this week, so it worked for him."

"Did you ever think it didn't work for _me_?" Katniss asked. Even though the day had turned out well - and somewhere deep down inside of her she actually appreciated the trouble Gale and Prim had gone to in order to make sure she was taken care of - she was angry that her consent wasn't even considered. Unfortunately, it was so deep down inside that she wasn't able to actually vocalize that gratitude yet.

"Oh, I knew it wouldn't work for you, Katniss. Because all you want to do is crawl into your hole and feel sorry for yourself, then bottle all of your feelings up and push yourself to the point of exhaustion until you burn out. So if you want an apology from me for trying to make you do something that was actually better for you, you won't get it," Gale said. Once again, Katniss found herself hating Gale for being right so often. It really made it hard to hate him right now.

"So, what's Prim all worked up over?" Gale asked. He knew she wasn't going to apologize or acknowledge that he was right, so the best tactic to diffuse the ticking time bomb that was Katniss Everdeen's temper was to change the subject.

"Nothing. She had a good time today with Peeta," Katniss said.

"_So did Katniss!"_ Prim sang. Katniss looked for a pillow to throw at her little sister, but the only one loose was on her right side, under her sling. _Damnit_.

"Peeta? Is he your friend from PT?" Gale asked.

"Yeah, he came over when Finnick had to leave around lunch time. You didn't know he was coming?" Katniss said. "Prim is flipping her shit about it."

"I didn't! Put her back on the phone!" Gale said.

"Does your new girlfriend know that you're really a sixteen-year-old girl who likes to gossip about boys?" Katniss asked.

"Not yet. I figured I'd tell her that around the time I tell her about my best friend, the emotionally stunted eunuch," Gale replied pointedly.

Katniss rolled her eyes and made a disgusted sound before handing the phone back to Prim. Her little sister at least had the discretion to gossip about Katniss's personal life from the privacy of her own room, so she grabbed the phone from her big sister and walked down the hall. Katniss decided she'd had enough excitement for the day, and a shower was in order.

Then she remembered the details from her post-op instructions. Dr. Cinna wanted her to keep the incisions dry for 48 hours, so she'd either need Prim to help her with a sponge bath, or the wrap the incisions in plastic wrap and keep it out of the stream of water from the shower. Either way, she needed Prim's help. Which meant waiting until Prim and Gale were done fantasizing about Katniss's non-existent romantic endeavors.

It was going to be a long night.

The next morning, Finnick arrived just as Prim was leaving. She opened the door as he was walking up the steps to the front door, and she gave him a big hug like they were old friends. Prim treated everyone as if they were a dear friend, even if they had never met. It was one of many traits the Everdeen sisters did not share.

"Good morning, sunshine," Finnick said as he handed Katniss a cup of coffee.

She took it cautiously. "You didn't need to get this. We have a coffee maker."

"The correct pronunciation is '_thank you'_. Do you need me to recommend a speech therapist, too?" he asked with every ounce of mock innocence he could muster.

She grabbed the pillow she had strategically placed on her left side and threw it at Finnick's head. "Thank you."

He caught the pillow easily with his free hand. "That's better. There's hope for you yet."

They sipped their coffee as he asked her about her shoulder. It was still stiff and painful, but it had now been 48 hours since the surgery and she was looking forward to tapering off the painkillers. The dose had been 2 pills every 4-6 hours. Now Finnick wanted her to do a day with 1 pill every 4-6 hours. If the pain was unbearable, she could also take some over-the-counter acetaminophen with the Vicodin. In addition to the PT they would do that day, Finnick also wanted her to be more active around the house to get her ready to return to work next week.

"It may not seem like you've been off your feet for very long, but the surgery combined with your recovery period is enough to set your physical fitness back quite a bit. So if you want to make it through a whole day of work on Monday, you'll need to slowly become more active throughout the week. Today, I just want you to take a few walks to your mailbox and back. Thank you can handle that?" Finnick asked.

_To the mailbox and back? That's only about 30 feet. I'm insulted._ "Of course I can handle that," she replied, exasperated.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked, but did not say anything. He finished the last sip of his coffee and set it on the coffee table with a deliberate flourish.

"Ready to get started?" he asked.

She stood up in response, and was grateful that she was at least aware of Finnick's arrival this morning. At least this morning, she was wearing a bra and a shirt that didn't have paint stains on it. And she remembered to brush her teeth.

He ran her through the same exercises, and she again closed her eyes and found herself in the meadow. The visualization was so vivid that she could almost feel the cool slippery feel of the grass under her feet, and the clean air filling her lungs with every breath. This time, she imagined kneeling down to pick a dandelion. But instead of the petals blowing away like they had in her dream during surgery, they clung to the stem. She lightly grazed the edges with her hand, feeling the flutter of the soft golden petals along the creases of her knuckles and seeing the reflection of sunshine and hope itself against her fingertips.

Before long, Finnick had completed the rotations of her shoulder and told her he was pleased with the results. Her shoulder still had a lot of residual stiffness and she'd be lying if she said she was not in pain. But the calm feeling left from her visualization exercise pushed itself to the front of her mind, and she actually found herself smiling at Finnick in gratitude. He returned it with a genuine smile, not the kind he gave when he was trying to prove his cleverness. Those were the kind of smiles Katniss liked best on him.

He got her settled on the sofa, and then went to grab her trusty bag of frozen peas. She took the single pill of Vicodin, and stretched her feet out to the coffee table. She grabbed the remote and flipped around stations until she found a show about animals in the wild. Finnick returned to the living room with two glasses of water and his textbook under his arm, and gave Katniss a strange look.

"What?" she asked. "It's interesting. And it's like research for work. And it's got to be better for you than that reality show shit you watch."

Finnick laughed. "If I wanted to do something that was good for me, I'd turn the television off. Besides, my wife got me hooked on to reality shows."

Katniss almost dropped the glass of water at his revelation. "You're married? Does she know you flirt with anything that moves in the arena?"

He placed his water glass on the coffee table and crossed his arms defensively. "I don't _flirt_, I'm just naturally friendly. And unlike Haymitch, I find that when working with my patients, I can accomplish a lot more with them if they actually like me. Besides, Annie knows she's the only one for me."

"Tell me about her," Katniss asked. She couldn't help but be curious about this Annie person.

"I met her after college, when I was doing my post-grad medical training. She was in the program as well, and we got paired up in a class for a project. Naturally, I hit on her. And she gave me this look, like she thought I was a complete idiot, and walked away. Now, she was not the first person to resist the Finnick charm, although I must admit it's a small group of people. But for some reason, I was really determined to prove to her that I wasn't a jackass. None of my pick-up lines or gimmicks worked. So I gave that up, and just tried to be her friend. And somewhere in that process of trying to be a real person around her, I fell in love. Thankfully, she did too." Finnick laughed softly at the memory. "Eventually. It took a couple of years before she'd agree to go on a date with me, actually."

Katniss smiled. "How long have you been married?"

"We celebrated four years this past November." Finnick reached down his shirt and pulled out a chain from around his neck. On the chain was a band of platinum with a knotted design running across it. "I don't wear the ring during PT sessions because I'm usually working with Biofreeze or Sonigel or sweaty limbs, and I don't want it to get messed up. It's too important to me. But I always have it with me."

She smiled as she realized that Finnick Odair, for all his bravado and charm and blustering nature, was really a genuine romantic at heart. "You're a big softie, Finnick," she teased.

He smiled as he tucked the ring back under his shirt. "Yes, but don't tell anyone. Can't let anyone know the real me, you know."

"Why's that?" Katniss asked, although she felt the same way about herself.

"Not everyone deserves to know all my secrets. Only the good ones," he said with a wink. It seemed the more she spoke to Finnick, the more she found in common with him.

"Speaking of good ones… Peeta's a nice guy," he said, effectively ending the conversation about his own personal life.

She let out a defeated sigh and rested her head against the back of the couch. "Not you, too. Have you been talking to Prim and Gale lately?"

"Nope. Just using my eyes, my ears, and my brain. He's a nice guy. You can sometimes do a decent imitation of a nice girl. What's the problem?" he asked.

Katniss decided to focus all of her attention to the drawstring on her sweatpants. Anything was better than answering this question. Finnick fixed her with an expectant stare, and she finally answered. "No problem. I don't know what you're talking about."

It was Finnick's turn to roll his eyes. "Never mind. Just do me a favor. If he's interested… and I think he is… and you're interested… and I think you are… give him a chance."

Drawstring, drawstring, drawstring. She wrapped it around her index finger as tightly as possible. "How do you know I'm interested?"

"Well, Johanna told me the funniest story…" he started to say, until Katniss grabbed the throw pillow again. But this time, instead of throwing it at him, she buried her face in it. _I'll just keep this pillow here forever. No one will mind._

"Can we please change the subject?" she shouted, her voice muffled through the pillow. Finnick smiled and opened his textbook.

"I'm working on my continuing education credits. Do something useful and quiz me about the systematic manual therapy approach to the thoracic spine." He opened the book to the chapter's quiz section, and handed her the book.

They spent the next two hours quizzing each other – she made sure he knew the proper circumstances on which to utilize something called thoracic disc traction versus thoracic facet traction, and he quizzed her on various behaviors of animals indigenous to Panem's parks. Eventually, Finnick got her off the sofa and led her to the mailbox and back. Before the walk, the lower dose of Vicodin made Katniss sleepy but not so much that she needed a nap. But the walk of a combined sixty feet to the mailbox and back felt more like thirty miles, and she felt slightly dizzy from the pain radiating from her shoulder. She eased herself on the sofa and tried to stretch out while Finnick grabbed her frozen peas. He placed a blanket over her and grabbed the remote. "Enough of this Animal Planet crap. You're taking a nap, and I'm watching talk show paternity tests," he said.

She giggled, and it wasn't the influence of the medicine. "Have fun," she said before drifting off to sleep.

Her nap lasted an hour, perhaps more. She woke up to the sounds of laughing and pots banging, as if someone was rummaging through her cabinet. She listened carefully as she got her bearings and realized Peeta and Finnick were in the kitchen. Sitting up slowly, she smoothed her hand over her hair and pulled the hem of her tank top back over the top of her hips. _Stay calm. Stay cool. It's just Peeta. Don't be a dork._

Katniss stood up slowly, using the arm of the sofa to keep her balance. When she turned to face the kitchen, she saw Peeta watching her with his arm slightly outstretched, as if he wanted to help her but was holding himself back. She couldn't help the shy smile that spread across her face and raised her fingers in greeting as she made her way towards them.

"Lunch is almost ready. How are you feeling?" Peeta asked.

"Um, better. And worse. I had no idea how much pain the Vicodin was hiding. But it's better when I can get my mind off it," she said.

He smiled and turned back to stirring the pot on the stove. "Well, I brought a few distractions today, so hopefully that will help."

She blushed until she turned and looked at Finnick, who was standing a few feet away and leaning against the counter. While Peeta was preoccupied with finishing lunch, Finnick was wiggling his eyebrows at Katniss and started to perform a more reigned-in version of Johanna's hip-thrusting dance. _I swear to God, I'm going to murder that woman. With an ax._

Finnick composed himself before Peeta turned around, but not before Katniss could rid herself of the bright red blush creeping across her face. Peeta grabbed three plates from the cabinet to his right, and Katniss noticed that he didn't hesitate in going for the correct cabinet. _He must have acquainted himself with the kitchen pretty well. Not that there's much for him to have to search through._ He topped the plates with large servings of spaghetti, then topped them with a dark reddish-brown sauce. It was thick and meaty like chili but smelled savory and sweet at the same time. If Katniss had studied the scent, she'd have been able to pick out the distinct notes of beef, cumin, tomato, cinnamon and chocolate. It looked like chili, but without beans or chunks of vegetables like she was used to. Once he had finished each plate with a hearty serving of the sauce, he opened a small sandwich bag full of finely shredded cheese and added a generous amount on top as garnish.

"What is this?" Finnick asked. He and Katniss were perched next to each other on the other side of the kitchen island, looking at Peeta's creation as if it a magic trick he was in the midst of performing.

"_This,_" Peeta said with a dramatic flourish with his hands over the plates, "is chili, Mellark-style. You have to eat it over spaghetti, with shredded Colby cheese over it. And it's the greatest chili you'll ever eat."

He was right. The tangy cheese complimented the exotic spices of the chili, the taste of which unfurled itself across her palette in a perfect combination of savory and sweet. The meaty texture of the sauce was a perfect compliment to the smooth, buttery noodles. She and Finnick inhaled their plates in less than five minutes, and each tried to sneak a peak into the large saucepot to see if there was more.

Three helpings later, Finnick packed up his bag while Peeta refused to let Katniss help with dishes. She leaned against the counter and tried to make small talk about his day, and really tried to listen to the answers instead of concentrate on how the flex of his forearms looked when slicked with soapy water. He told her about his Art 1 class from this morning. Many of the kids took the class thinking it would be an easy elective to fill their requirement, but he could tell there were a few who really had a passion for it. They were the students who took extra care in making their sketches, and took a little more consideration when composing collages. These were the students he loved to teach, and while he tried to instill a spark of passion for art in every student, it was these select few who took that spark and turned it into a fire.

She could tell he was passionate about his job and hated that his hours had to be cut. He told her that he hoped to one day teach art technique as a professor, which is why he decided to go back to school. She wondered what it was like to be so passionate about one's job. While she needed her job and there were many parts that she loved, she couldn't say that she loved it. Not like Peeta loved being an art teacher, not like Gale loved being a ranger, and not like Prim was sure she'd love being a doctor. Still, it was a job and she was good at it. She would probably be better at Seneca's job than he is, but so would a German Sheppard.

Once the dishes were done, they walked back to the living room and he leaned down to the floor to get his bag. Pulling out two DVD cases, he displayed them both in front of her.

"Do you prefer 'funny Mel Brooks-style' Robin Hood, or 'random accent Kevin Costner' Robin Hood?" he asked. She laughed lightly at the joke but was nervous.

"Actually, we don't have a DVD player," she admitted. They had to sell it a few years ago when money was especially tight.

He put both DVDs in his left hand, and used the right hand to dig back into his bag. "I noticed that yesterday, so I came prepared. Ta-da!" He pulled a large laptop out and smiled proudly.

It seems Peeta had thought of everything. She nodded and turned back to the kitchen to get her frozen peas. She started to leave the kitchen, then thought better of it. "Peeta, um… can I get you anything?" she asked hesitantly.

He looked up at her with a shy smile. "No, thank you. But thank you… for asking."

She nodded. _Look at me, being a friend._

She walked back in to the living room, holding the cold bag to her shoulder. It was time for another pain pill, and she found herself actually looking forward to the relief. But even though the pain was returning to her senses, she was glad to have a clearer head today. Especially around Peeta. He was sitting on the sofa with the laptop propped on his lap, and she realized that they were going to have to sit next to each other to watch the movie. Very close to each other. She grabbed the medication bottle from the coffee table and opened it, taking her time to retrieve a single pill and slowly drink the entire glass of water in front of her in order to calm her slowly rising nerves.

He patted the cushion next to him, indicating that she should join him on the sofa. "So you never answered… which Robin Hood is your favorite?" he asked.

She slowly eased herself down to a seated position by herself, but aware that Peeta watched her carefully. "Um… funny Robin Hood, I guess? Any reason why there's a Robin Hood theme?"

He ducked his eyes for a brief moment and blushed. "Ok… you've got me. I wanted to impress you and there's only so many movies about archery, so…" he trailed off.

She covered her mouth with her hand as she tried to suppress her laugh, but it was no good. Before long, he started laughing with her too.

"Laugh it up, fuzzball. I'd like to see you come up with some wrestling movies," he said.

"The Wrestler?" she replied with a laugh.

He pursed his lips together, embarrassed. "Ok, never mind. Let's watch this."

He opened the screen of his laptop and pressed the power button. After a moment, his computer booted up and his desktop came into view. The background looked like a family photo, posed in front of a roaring fireplace. There was Peeta standing next to his _sister_ Delly, and behind a friendly-looking older man and woman who looked like his parents. She blushed again at her behavior of the past two weeks – her assumption that Peeta had a mysterious blonde girlfriend, how she had blown him off and avoided him because she was too chicken to ask him about her like a grown-up would do, then her drug-induced questioning about Delly. With his sister's image staring them in the face, this would be a perfect opportunity for him to tease her about her behavior. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for the worst.

"So," Peeta said as he loaded the DVD into the computer's optical drive. "I have a sister. You have a sister. It's funny how much we have in common." She released her breath and laughed despite her embarrassment.

"This picture is from last year, at my folks' house. This is my dad, David," he said as he pointed out each person in the picture. "This is my mom, Marissa. And this is Delly." In the photos, Delly and Peeta were standing behind their parents, with one arm around each other's shoulders and the other on the shoulder of the parent in front of them. She studied the photo and saw four people with genuine happiness in their faces. Two loving parents, holding hands. Two happy children. They looked like the perfect family. _Must be nice._

"I see the family resemblance. Delly looks a lot like your mom, but I guess you look more like your dad," she said.

He chuckled. "Yeah, that's kind of the family joke."

She tore her eyes from the screen to look at him in confusion. "Why is it a joke?"

He looked down for a moment and pursed his lips to the side, as if he was considering his words carefully. Then, he looked in her eyes and said, "Because I'm adopted, Katniss."

It seemed Peeta's family revelations just kept Katniss guessing. She was embarrassed, not for Peeta but for herself, as she was not sure what the appropriate reaction should be. Should she apologize for thinking she saw a family resemblance? Should she pretend there was nothing special or different about his being adopted, so that he didn't think she found it weird? Because she didn't think it was weird, but his confession threw her for such a loop that her already tongue-tied manner around Peeta was now significantly worse.

She must have looked conflicted, because he placed his hand on her knee and smiled. "Don't worry. You're right, we do look alike. And I don't have a problem telling people. I'm happy I was adopted – it means that my parents and sister here chose me over so many other kids to be a part of their family. I'm really lucky to have them."

Peeta was right, of course. She just never thought of adoption in that way, but Peeta obviously seemed to be well loved by his family and was very happy.

"How old were you when… you know," she asked awkwardly. _Really smooth, Katniss._

He smiled at her again, and it was then she noticed that his hand was still on her knee. She wasn't exactly complaining, though.

"My father passed away when I was seven, and my mother left a few months later. I was in a couple of foster homes until I was nine, then the Mellarks permanently adopted me. Delly is only a few months older than me, and my parents wanted another child but could not have one so they looked into adoption."

It seems they really did have a lot in common after all. She had to admit she was curious about the details, but she did not think it was her business to pry. The pain of losing parents – one by death, one by abandonment – still felt fresh to her after four years, and she didn't want to share her own situation with Peeta. Yet. _Yet?_

She took one last look at the family picture, then looked at Peeta. He was studying her face with an inscrutable expression on his face. Was he trying to gauge her reaction? Was he waiting for her to say something else that put her foot just a little farther into her mouth? She smiled softly at him and said quietly, "You have a beautiful family, Peeta."

His eyes crinkled the slightest bit in the corners as he grinned back, and a part of her wanted to stare at him for the rest of the afternoon just to count the freckles on his cheeks, and all the shades of blue dancing in his eyes. He tilted his head down slightly and replied, "Thank you."

The DVD menu popped up on the screen at that moment, hiding the family picture on the desktop. They both turned their attention from each other and back to the screen, and Peeta removed his hand from her knee to navigate the menu. She was surprised how much she missed the feeling if his hand on her knee, the warmth from his palm permeating the flimsy material of her well-worn cotton sweat pants. As she was trying to think of another scenario where he might be willing to touch her knee again, he scooted closer to Katniss so that their legs were touching from hip to calf and placed the laptop on their thighs so they could each see the screen. _Okay, that's good too._

She had never seen this movie but found herself laughing more than she had in a very long time. But the laughing was really just a momentary distraction, because the only thing her brain could focus on was the man sitting next to her. Specifically but in no particular order, she was distracted by the feel of his leg next to hers, the scent of soap and bread and spices which filled her lungs with every bated breath, the way the afternoon sun filtered through his pale eyelashes, and the way his stomach clenched and his chest filled with laughter at every joke. Also, the way that she was getting tired. Really, really tired.

Before she knew it, the movie was half over and she had fallen asleep with her head against his shoulder. He turned the movie off so she could sleep. He had not been paying attention to the movie either – he was too distracted by the woman next to him.


	8. Chapter 8

_Author's Note: I keep forgetting to put a disclaimer here, but it should be obvious that I hold no rights or ownership over The Hunger Games or the characters within._

_Thanks to for-prim for being my Little Duck. And thanks to everyone who is reading. _

By the next day, the routine was well established for the remainder of the week. Finnick arrives at the Everdeen house by eight a.m. every morning with two cups of coffee. He and Katniss spend the next hour doing her PT routine and relaxation exercises. Every time, Katniss can picture the meadow in more detail than the day before, and every time she imagines it, she can see more dandelions growing among the grass. She finds herself doing this meditation several times throughout the day and night, not only for the peaceful feeling that washes over her during the visualization, but for the tiny spark of hope she feels in her gut upon completion.

After PT, Finnick ices her shoulder and they chat for a while. He tells her about his job and his family and his Annie, and she sees the special smile that comes across his face when he talks about his wife. She tells him about Prim and her job, and they share stories about Gale that each promise to use as blackmail against him at some point.

The walks he makes her take gradually increase in distance, and soon she's able to walk around the block. As the painkillers are phased out, her tolerance for the pain increases but still leaves her wiped out. She takes a brief nap in the morning, and usually wakes up when Peeta arrives for lunch.

Peeta's presence in the Everdeen house had become comfortable and reassuring. Katniss noticed herself smiling more in the afternoons and evenings during his visits, even when he was not in the room with her (which was not often). He brings her movies and hot chocolate and cheese buns, and she watches him cook and even sketch. She helps him study, and he helps her walk around the block in the afternoon. After their walk, they settle on the sofa. She takes a brief nap while he reads (or pretends to).

Prim returns later in the afternoon, and the three of them migrate to the kitchen to make a feast for dinner. Peeta still refuses any money in exchange for the groceries or meals, and insists that his payment is being able to practice the recipes. After dinner, he stays for a bit after Prim insists and then conveniently finds an excuse to go to her room. Katniss would normally be annoyed by her sister's blatant meddling, but she can't seem to feel anything other than excited when he smiles and accepts Prim's request.

It is during these after-dinner evening chats that Katniss and Peeta truly get to know each other. She learns that he loves scary movies and comfort food, and hates country music and pickles. When he was a little kid, he wanted to be an astronaut but changed his mind after he received his first set of watercolor paints. He started wrestling in high school but wished he had been good enough to be on the baseball team. He likes fresh air so he insists on sleeping with the windows open, and his favorite color is a soft orange, like a sunset.

Something about him makes Katniss open up as well. She was never good with conversation or even sharing the most mundane details about herself, but Peeta makes her want to share. She wants him to know her. So she tells him that she loves musicals and mystery movies. She likes soul music because her dad used to play Motown records all the time. When she was little, she wanted to be an explorer and discover new worlds, like Magellan or Columbus. She sang with the chorus in high school, but doesn't sing much anymore. Her favorite smell is cut grass, and her favorite color is a rich green, like a new leaf.

Eventually the sky grew dark and Peeta reluctantly rose to leave. He gave her a gentle hug, and Katniss found herself leaning into him and wishing that more of him was touching more of her, but he was mindful of her shoulder as always. She realized it was Friday evening, and he had no excuse to come over the next day since Prim would be home.

"It's Friday," she blurted out.

"Only for a few more hours," he said.

"Tomorrow is Saturday," she said nervously.

"That's the rumor," he teased with a smile.

She pulled the side of her lip between her teeth and found the end of her braid with her fingers. _He should come over tomorrow. I want to see him tomorrow. I don't know how to say that I want to see him tomorrow. _

"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked, perhaps sensing her discomfort.

"Nothing… I mean, I'll be here. Doing this. I mean, not _this_, talking to you. Unless, you wanted to? Come and do this? I mean, come over?" _Stop talking, Katniss. _

His smile threatened to split his face in half, and at first she thought he was going to laugh at her for her awkward manner. Then she saw that a blush had crept across his cheeks, and there was no teasing in his voice when he said, "I was hoping you'd ask."

Her smile matched his, and it stayed on her face even after she fell asleep in her bed that night.

Katniss had originally planned to sleep in on Saturday morning, but she found herself waking with the sun. There was an ache pulsing from her shoulder and hips – sleeping in a certain position to make sure she didn't roll on her arm had gotten rather tiresome. After a few needed moments to reorient herself with reality, she realized that _he_ was coming to see her that day - not because he had to take care of her but because he wanted to see her. All at once, she couldn't stay in bed for one more second.

She got up and did some light cleaning to occupy herself. Her arm was still in the sling, so certain tasks like sweeping and scrubbing the bathtub were too difficult. But she was able to dust and put away dishes that had dried on the rack by the sink. She gathered her laundry in the hamper, and dragged it down the hall with one hand. She was attempting to measure the detergent when Prim's bedroom door opened and Prim emerged rubbing her eyes.

"Good morning, Little Duck," Katniss said. "Why are you up so early?"

"Someone's out here making noise, so I couldn't sleep," Prim answered with a smile. "Besides, Peeta said he was going to bring breakfast, and I didn't want to sleep through that."

Katniss lifted an eyebrow at Prim. "So he's _Peeta_ now, not Mr. Mellark?"

Prim rolled her eyes. "He said I can call him Peeta outside of the school, so I am." She giggled as she combs the tangled ends of her hair with her fingers. "It does feel weird though. I'm calling a teacher by his first name. I feel like such a rebel!"

Katniss smiled at her sister, but said a silent _thank you_ that this behavior was as rebellious as Prim got.

Prim decided that since they have time before Peeta arrives, it's the perfect opportunity to get Katniss "looking human again", as she so delicately phrased it. Katniss was able to shower on her own now that Dr. Cinna gave the go-ahead for the surgical sites to get wet. While she cleaned up and did her best attempt at washing herself while keeping her right arm stabilized against the wall of the shower, Prim went through Katniss's closet and picked out a pair of dark jeans and a soft pink button-down shirt. Since her arm still had such limited motion, Katniss's wardrobe choices were limited to either extremely baggy T-shirts swiped from Gale's closet or shirts that opened in the front. When choosing Katniss's outfit, Prim made an educated guess that another man's shirt wouldn't put a smile on Peeta's face.

With Prim's help, Katniss got dressed. She was thankful that her little sister was there to help with her recovery, but Katniss also looked forward to being able to fasten her own bra again. Once she's dressed, she decided to just wear socks on her feet, ignoring shoes for now because it's too cold out for flip flops, and she didn't want to deal with the laces on her sneakers, and the only other shoes she has are a pair of high heels she wore to prom four years ago. Then she sat on her bed while Prim stood behind her and began to braid Katniss's hair.

"Do you remember when you taught me how to braid hair?' Prim asked.

"I do. Mom tried to teach you but you weren't able to keep up with how fast she did it. You went into your room and sulked. So I went into your room and picked up one of your dolls, and we did it together," Katniss said, smiling at the memory.

"And when I finished my first successful braid on my doll's hair, I ran out of my room and showed Mom," Prim said. "And she thought that I had just figured out what she had shown me, and you told her that was correct. You didn't want me to tell her that you had helped me." Katniss looked at her feet and shrugged in response, immediately regretting the action as pain radiated from her shoulder joint.

"I never told you this," Prim continued, "but that night when Mom tucked me into bed, I told her you helped me. And that you didn't want her to know, because you didn't want to hurt her feelings. I remember thinking she'd be upset, but she just smiled and said, 'That's our Kitten. She'd rather give everything to other people than take anything for herself.' And she was right."

Katniss wasn't sure what to say, so she remained quiet as Prim continued to weave her hair. She always tried not to think of their mother. Memories of her were divided into two categories: before and after. If she remembered how her mother was _before_, Katniss would recall her hugs and her smell and her smiles which all died the same day as her father. If she remembered how her mother was _after_, Katniss would picture her in her bed, lying motionless and giving up on her daughters while the world continued outside their door. Either way, thinking about her mom only made Katniss upset. And she couldn't afford to think like that.

"I'm saying this because despite everything, you've actually been happy the past couple of days, whether you realize it or not. But soon you're going to go back to work, and you'll probably be stressed again and make excuses about how you don't have the time to do something for yourself. And I want you to know that it's ok to take something for yourself, including happiness," Prim said as she fastened the elastic around Katniss's braid.

The sisters looked at each other in the mirror hanging on the closet door, and Katniss wondered how Prim had suddenly grown up so much. Katniss had a tendency to still picture her little sister with her blonde hair in two braids, running around the playground with the tail of her shirt coming untucked. But somehow while Katniss had cast her own needs aside and worked hard to keep a roof over their heads and their bellies fed, Prim had turned into a wise, beautiful, self-assured, young woman.

"How did you get to be so smart, Prim?" Katniss asked.

"I had a really good teacher, Katniss," Prim said, and kissed the top of her big sister's head.

The doorbell rang, and Prim ran out of Katniss's room to answer it. When Katniss heard her little sister's squeal Peeta's name, she took a deep breath and checked her own reflection in the mirror. She saw her dark hair, still damp from the shower but neatly plaited down her back thanks to Prim's deft fingers. She saw her skin, the same olive cast her father had but dotted with a handful of light freckles across her nose. She saw her figure, slight but solid and deceptively strong, even though she had felt nothing but weak lately. She saw her eyes, usually a cold, steely gray which always looked as tired as she felt. But today she was not tired, and the light reflecting in her silver irises seemed to dance with excitement and dare she say, happiness.

"Katniss, come on! Peeta brought doughnuts!" Prim shouted from the other room, effectively snapping Katniss out of her reverie.

This was going to be a good day.

Peeta had indeed brought doughnuts – a dozen glazed doughnuts that actually seemed to melt in her mouth when she took her first bite. At first a dozen of them seemed excessive, but it did not take long for the three of them to finish the box, smiling at each other while reveling in the sugar high. Prim got to work making a pot of coffee for them and asked Peeta how his studying was going.

"Not bad. I've got another month before I take the GRE, but I think… um… it's… I mean, it will be… um, it's fine." Katniss looked up to see what had seemed to pull Peeta's attention away, and saw that he had been watching her. That alone would make her feel a bit self-conscious, but he also seemed to be staring at her thumb and index finger which were currently in her mouth as she greedily sucked the last bit of melted glaze from the pads of her fingers. Convinced he had been distracted by her complete lack of manners, she leaned over to grab a paper towel and wiped the remaining bits of sugar from her fingers.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "It was really good." He smiled sheepishly and ducked his head a bit, as if to hide the blush creeping up his neck. Her embarrassment didn't stop her from wondering just how far down his body that blush had started.

Prim placed a mug of coffee in front of Katniss and wiggled her eyebrows at her, then placed a second mug in front of Peeta. She poured a third cup in a travel mug, and said, "Yeah… I'm gonna go."

Katniss sat up a little in surprise. "Where are you going?"

"I'm heading to the library. I have biology paper due next week, so I want to use the Internet there to do some research." Prim smiled at them both and left the kitchen to go to her room. Minutes later, she had thrown on jeans and a sweatshirt, and waved goodbye to them while picking up her book bag. And then, it was just the two of them.

"Did you do your PT routine yet this morning?" he asked before draining the last of his coffee. Prim had given him a lavender mug that said "World's Best Sister" in white lettering on the side. Katniss had given it to Prim last year, on the day that her little sister announced she was old enough to try drinking coffee like an adult.

She shook her head. "No, not yet. Prim and I got a bit distracted this morning."

He sucked the edge of his top lip in between his teeth for a moment, considering his words. "I could help you, if you want. I'm not trained or anything, but I can follow the worksheet Finnick left for you." He raised his eyebrows at her in an unspoken question, and she nodded. They stood up together, and she led him to the living room.

"Um, we usually just do it here, standing up," she said. Her mind immediately filled with a million dirty thoughts about the man standing in front of her and just exactly _what_ they could do there standing up. _Or lying down, or sitting up, or against that wall, or… shut up, Katniss._

Peeta was searching around the room for Finnick's worksheet, and located it on the side table next to the faded easy chair across from them. He pulled his top lip between his teeth again, and seemed to nibble on it lightly as he studied the diagrams of various movements. He released his top lip, now moist from his tongue, and sucked his bottom lip in next to renew his worrying of the soft, pink flesh. Katniss was very, _very _aware that she was staring, but she could not seem to tear her eyes away from his mouth. His teeth. His lips.

And then she realized he was talking to her.

"I think I got it. We'll just go really slow, ok?" He placed the worksheet down on the coffee table at his side, and lifted his hands to the Velcro fastenings of her sling. "May I?"

She nodded, and the jagged tear of the straps was the only sound as his fingers lightly pulled off her sling. Like Finnick, he used one hand to cup her right elbow but his other hand found its way to hers, but instead of holding her forearm as Finnick did, Peeta clasped her hand and entwined their fingers as he slowly straightened her arm. Katniss didn't know it, but as she closed her eyes she was smiling. So was he.

At this point in the routine, she would be imaging herself ankle-deep in the cool, damp grass of the meadow. But this time she was a bit distracted by the warm feeling of his fingertips lightly grazing the back of her hand. She took a deep breath and forced herself to visualize her meadow, because his scent alone – the sugar and coffee-flavored breath, the raw flour scent and the clean notes of soap – was making it hard to stand up straight.

He continued the movements Finnick had directed, and she was eventually able to place herself in her meadow. She could picture the dew-covered grass and the hundreds of dandelions. She could feel the soft breeze against her face, and the clean air filling her lungs. But Katniss could not visualize the pale blue sky. Today, the sky was sunset orange.

He lowered her arm slowly and leaned in until his lips were almost touching her ear. "What are you thinking about?" he whispered, his breath caressing her earlobe.

She smiled, still visualizing. "It's my meadow. My dad always took Prim and I when we were little. I think about it when I do these exercises. It makes me relax, because I was happy there. _We_ were happy there." She didn't mean for her breath to hitch as she said that, but it did and betrayed the emotion she was trying to keep from him.

Her eyes were still closed, so she could not see the look of understanding he gave her. "What happened to your family, Katniss?"

If anyone else had asked her that question at any other time, she would not have answered. But her guard was down, and she felt so relaxed in her meadow but alert to his touch, so she took a deep breath and told him.

"My father died four years ago, right in front of me. He had a heart attack, and I couldn't do anything to save him. He was my best friend but then he was gone. Then my mom just… fell apart. She wouldn't sleep or eat. She wouldn't do anything to take care of us. So, I did. I kept us from losing everything, and I have been ever since. A few months later, my Uncle Chaff came and got my mom. He said he'd take care of her. He asked if we wanted to move too, but I didn't want Prim to have to change schools. And I was too mad at her. I still am. She would have let us starve because she was too upset about my dad. Well, I was upset too but _I didn't turn my back on my family!_"

She didn't realize she was shouting until she heard the echo of her last words around her. She didn't realize she was crying until he let go of her elbow and wiped a tear from her face before it could drip off her jaw.

Katniss sat down quickly before opening her eyes, and avoided looking at his face. She didn't want to see _that look_ in his eyes. The look of pity, and sadness combined with an awkward air of helplessness. She saw it too many times after her father died, and she never wanted to see it from _him_.

Peeta sat down next to her on the sofa, still holding her hand.

"My father owned a bakery, and one night he was closing up when someone came in and put a gun in his face. The guy told my father that he wanted all the money in the register, and he shot him as soon as my father opened the register. He was gonna give him the money anyway, but the guy still killed him. The police caught him the next day. But it didn't matter. My father was still gone," he said.

She looked up from her lap to his face. His eyes were cast down at the joined hands, and his mouth was set in a thin, straight line. Taking a chance, she lightly squeezed his fingers in her palm, and he releases a shaky breath.

"My mother was never a kind woman, but when my father died she just got… worse. She was mean. She blamed me for everything. Then one day, a few weeks after his funeral, I went into his closet to get one of his shirts. I just wanted to smell it, and smell _him_, you know? So I grabbed this old flannel shirt he wore around the house, and I put it on. My mother came in the room and saw me wearing it, and she slapped me. She ripped the shirt off me and said I was going to ruin it, and she locked me in my room all night. The next morning, she packed some of my things and told me to get in the car. When we were driving away, I asked where we were going. She said I was going to live somewhere else, because she couldn't be my mother anymore. That was the last thing she said to me. She didn't even say goodbye before she drove away from the orphanage. "

Katniss was silent, but aware of the tears streaming down her face. She made no move to wipe them away, but instead just looked at this amazing man who was so happy but had lived through so much pain. If anyone had earned the right to build walls around their heart and push everyone away, it was him. Instead, he shared his past with her to make her feel like she wasn't alone. She opened herself up to him in a way that she never had with anymore before, and he did the same with her. She was disgusted that his mother had pushed him away, but she knew all too well that mothers, like anyone, can be selfish and flawed and broken too easily. And children sometimes had to grow up too quickly to fill their parents' void.

He looked up at her finally, and used his free hand to push away her tears. She released his hand and saw a flicker of sadness light across his face as she stood up.

"Come here," she said.

He stood, and she immediately hugged him. Ever careful of her shoulder, he wrapped on arm across her back and the other around her waist, and rested his jaw against the crown of her head. No words were said, because nothing spoken could be more comforting than the silence their bodies created when pressed together.

It was seconds or it was hours, but eventually they parted. Peeta tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and said, "I'll get the peas."

Peeta stepped into her kitchen, and she sat down on the sofa to wait for his return. Normally, crying in front of anyone, especially an incredible attractive man who took up an inordinate amount of time in her passing thoughts, would be enough to make her want to run far away and hope to never see them again.

But Katniss remained seated, anticipating his return.

Moments later, he was back with the peas in one hand and two cups of steaming hot tea carried carefully in the other. He put everything down on the coffee table before

bending over to retrieve the sling from the floor. As carefully as when he removed it, he slowly wound the fastening around her shoulder, securing it with the soft hush made from the joined Velcro. The frozen peas were placed on her shoulder, and it was then that she remarked to herself how flushed her skin felt against the icy resistance of the bag.

As if nothing had happened, he pulled his laptop out from his bag on the floor and sat next to her. "Today's movie is a classic. Have you ever seen 'Clue'?"

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Only about 500 times."

Peeta smiled. "I knew you had good taste." He put the DVD in the optical drive, and put his arm around her, being careful not to place his hand against her healing shoulder. She likes the consideration he takes with her, but not as much as she likes the warmth generated between their bodies where they touched. She was lost in the feeling as she spoke.

"I'm not used to this, you know. Being taken care of, I mean." She looked in his eyes. _Do you know what I mean?_

He nodded, and spoke softly. "I figured that. You don't seem like someone who needs to be taken care of. I like that about you. But I also like that you let me take care of you."

"Thank you," she whispered. "For everything." And she laid her head against his shoulder as the movie started.


	9. Chapter 9

_Author's Note: Thanks again to everyone who has read, favorited, followed, reviewed this story! This chapter gave me trouble, so I'd love to hear your feedback on it – good, bad, and otherwise. BTW the day every new chapter gets posts, I post a "More Info" about it on my tumblr (tumblr name is fnurfnur). I'm looking forward to writing tonight's "More Info" post because I get to tell a sweet story about my husband that inspired a moment in this chapter._

_BIG thanks to for-prim, beta extraordinaire, talented writer and all around beautiful person. And also thanks to the wonderful people who have given great constructive feedback, and supported this story on tumblr and with reviews and emails and chats (especially when I post about how I want to throw the laptop across the room and quit). _

When Katniss was eight years old, she got chicken pox and had to stay home from school for a week. Her mom stayed home with her to nurse her back to health, and her dad took Prim to preschool. Katniss was miserable at first. Even at a young age, she was incredibly stubborn and refused to listen to her mother's please to JUST. STOP. SCRATCHING. After she scratched her skin until it bled and bits of her swollen flesh were stuck under her fingernails, she went to her mom and admitted defeat.

Mrs. Everdeen drew her a bath with all sorts of herbs and oils and "secret family ingredients" that soothed Katniss's ravaged skin, then carefully applied lotion on her spots and scabs. They spent the rest of the week huddled together on the sofa, reading books and eating Katniss's favorite foods. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches were especially popular.

Eventually, Katniss was given the "all clear" by the family doctor to return to school. She was looking forward to it – she liked school, and she had missed her friends. But on her first day back, she found herself crying in the girls' bathroom because she missed spending time on the sofa with her mom, and knowing that she was very loved.

Before Katniss knew it, it was time for her to return to her normal life. This meant six a.m. PT sessions every day for three weeks, then back to work at the park. She'd be lying if she said she was not nervous about returning to work. Had Seneca been able to manage without her, and would tell her that her job was no longer necessary? Had he found someone else who could do the job better than her? Or (_more likely_, she thought) had he messed everything up so much she'd be left with more work than she could handle?

Her apprehension towards returning to work was nothing compared to the nerves she felt about returning to PT. And it was all Peeta's fault, even though she would not see him until Tuesday's session. But would Finnick tease her about him? Would Johanna? Scratch that, Johanna _definitely_ would. What about Haymitch? _Ugh. I can't handle Haymitch today._

Peeta had spent all day Saturday and Sunday at her house, and she liked it. She liked spending time with him. She liked… him.

Katniss wasn't completely out of touch when it came to dating and relationships, but she was far from comfortable in that arena. She had some casual boyfriends in high school, and some dates here and there. It had been a little over a year since she'd had sex, and it was nothing special. Gale had a party and invited some of the fellow park rangers. There was a guy named Darius, and they'd gone on a few dates. The sex was decent enough and they went on a couple more dates. But when he said he was transferring out of state to work on a federal park space, she wasn't particularly torn up about it.

Peeta was the first one she felt a pull towards – with her mind, her eyes, and her body. The other guys were ok, and seemed nice enough. Peeta threw her for a loop, challenged her very thinking and made her feel like she was on unsteady footing. But as unsure as she felt, his presence or even the very thought of him left her heart racing.

It was impossible for her to deny the attraction she felt for Peeta. It wasn't just physical, although she definitely found herself thinking of the planes and curves of the most random parts of his body throughout the day. It was mental, it was emotional, it was spiritual, and she had to admit she completely enamored with this man. Which scared the hell out of her.

His simple confession about his past had completely blown her away. He had every reason to be as guarded and sullen and closed-off as she was, both of them mourning the loss of their fathers and feeling abandoned by their mothers. But he didn't push people away – Peeta Mellark seemed to be the kind of man who embraced life, found opportunity in hard times, and did his best to make others smile. He was, to put it simply, a _good_ person. And she had no idea what the hell a good person like Peeta saw in her.

When he left on Sunday, she walked him out to his car and used the "needed another walk today" excuse. After giving her a hug that made her toes curl under just so, he unlocked his door and opened it but paused before getting in. Turning to face her, his eyes searched her face with an intensity she was not prepared for.

_His eyes are light blue, but sometimes I think I see a little green in them. Maybe they're blue like the sea? But the sea's not really blue like that… is it? I've never been to the sea. I wonder if Peeta has. Wait, now they look sort of grayish-blue under the streetlight…_

If she wasn't distracted by trying to name the exact shade of blue his eyes were in the fading light, she'd have noticed that he was looking at her eyes.

Then her mouth.

Then her eyes.

Back to her mouth.

But she was lost in her thoughts of him and made no move, and he took that as a sign. His right hand reached up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear as he told her "Good luck tomorrow, Katniss."

It wasn't until he started to drive away that she thought perhaps he had wanted to kiss her. She would have liked that. _KATNISS, YOU IDIOT._

Bright and early on Monday morning, Katniss walked into the lobby of Victory Physical Therapy and was pleased to see that nothing had changed in her two week absence. Effie's outfit was ridiculous as ever – a shiny magenta skirt suit with a fitted jacket and an inordinate amount of zippers, with a bright pink sheer blouse and ridiculously high heels that looked like they were covered in silver glitter. Effie looked like some sort of sparkly princess explosion, and Katniss did not mean that as a compliment.

"Katniss - hello, hello, hello! Welcome back, dear! How are you feeling?" Effie chirped.

"Okay, I guess. It still hurts but I guess that's normal," Katniss said as she adjusted the strap of her sling. It would be a very special day indeed when she was allowed to stop wearing that stupid contraption. She hoped that Finnick would be able to tell her today when she could expect to be rid of it.

Effie smiled, and Katniss could see the glitter in her eyeshadow catch the light.

"Well, we are _very_ happy to have you back here with us!" Effie said.

"Speak for yourself, sweetheart." _Oh God, no. Not him._ Haymitch walked up to Katniss and cocked his head to the side, studying her. "Well, well, well. If it isn't Miss Congeniality," he sniped at her.

She took a deep breath and drew herself up to her full height, all five feet and seven inches of it. "If it isn't Prince Charming. I had hoped you'd at least take a shower while I was gone, but I guess that's too much to ask."

Effie gasped at their downright undignified exchange, but Haymitch just laughed and walked towards the double doors leading to the arena. "Waitin' on you, sweetheart. Let's get this started."

After waving goodbye to Effie, Katniss followed Haymitch through the double doors. It was surprising how comforting the scent of camphor, rubber, and sweat could be. He led her to a table and helped her get on since she couldn't use both arms to push herself up. Unlike Finnick, Haymitch wasn't interested in small talk or even getting her to relax before he was ripping the straps from her sling. He took her now free arm and slowly swung it across her body, then up and down to test her range of motion. "You're off the pain pills, right?" he asked.

She nodded. "Just some over-the-counter stuff when it's really bad, like at the end of the day or after my exercises. It doesn't hurt as much, but it's still really stiff."

He mumbled what seemed to be a noise of agreement and lowered her arm until it lay at her side. "Your movement seems to be good, so I think you're ready for some light resistance. We'll go slow and build up a little every day. It's gonna hurt, but I think you're ready."

"This girl is ready for anything!" Finnick walked up to them, stopping next to Haymitch and giving Katniss a big smile. "Welcome back."

She smiled back to the man she now considered a friend. "Thank you, Finnick."

He turned to Haymitch. "So, resistance training for her?"

Haymitch mumbled again. "Considering she had surgery only a week ago, there is excellent progress in all areas – abduction, forward flexion, external rotation and internal rotation. She's already lost a bit of TROMD."

"What the hell is that?" Katniss asked.

Haymitch rolled his eyes, bothered by her interruption. Finnick chuckled at his reaction and responded for him. "Total Range of Motion Deficit. We measure it before and after your surgery. You've already made improvements, so it shows that the surgery was the right thing to do. Now we can do PT movements designed to help you get back to normal – or at least, what normal will be for you now."

Katniss was confused. "What I am _now_? I won't be able to move my arm like before I got injured?

"It's possible. But your body will compensate in other ways. You'll get over it, sweetheart. You were never destined to be the closing pitcher for the Yankees, anyway." Haymitch grumbled.

"Good thing, because the Yankees fucking suck!" Johanna shouted across the room.

Haymitch slapped her patient folder down on the table next to Katniss and sighed in exasperation. "Can everyone please mind their own business so I can work with my patient here?"

It was the most professional thing Katniss had ever heard him say, and it left her completely speechless. Judging from the startled reactions of Finnick and Johanna, it was a surprise for them as well. Johanna turned back to her patient, some blonde girl who looked to be Katniss's age but wore _very_ revealing clothes and a ton of makeup. Finnick winked at Katniss and gave Haymitch a friendly pat on the shoulder, but walked away from them and toward their office. Once they were left alone, Haymitch picked up Katniss's folder from where he had smacked it down on the table in frustration, and opened it up with one hand while putting his reading glasses on with the other.

"Now that Tweedledee and Tweedledum have left," Haymitch said, "we can get back to work. I'm gonna walk you through all of your exercises today and I'm gonna stay with you while you do them. Not because I think you don't know how to do them, but because I don't trust you not to stop when you feel pain. If you want this shoulder to heal up right, you gotta take it slow and do what I say. I don't want you screwing up now that you've come so far, ok?"

Somewhere in that speech of his was a compliment or two, and Katniss picked it up immediately. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she and Haymitch had a lot in common. They were both stubborn, grouchy, anti-social creatures who would rather insult someone than voluntarily give them a smile. Haymitch was praising her for the great progress she had made. He just didn't want to actually say those words out loud to her. To be honest, she didn't want him to either, because she did not want to actually say the words "thank you" to him. It would probably make them both uncomfortable, honestly.

Instead of saying those words, she followed his every instruction for the exercises. He gave her the lightest resistance band they had, but the slight pressure still hurt. Normally she would affix her features into a mask to hide any outward sign of pain, but she allowed Haymitch to see her vulnerability. He stopped her when the pain reached a certain point, and assured her that it was normal. "You'll be making your way up to full sets in no time, sweetheart."

After forty-five grueling minutes, Katniss was positively overjoyed to have her shoulder iced down. As much as she had become attached to her faithful bag of frozen peas, the large bag of ice wrapped around her shoulder with a bandage felt better than anything she could remember at the moment. It was cool bliss rolling across the dull burn in her shoulder. The comfort was a lovely distraction as she sat back and gathered her thoughts to prepare for her first day back at work. That was her intention, anyway. What she actually did was fall asleep.

She didn't realize she was even tired until Johanna pinched her side to wake her up. It seemed that a week of naps had caught up to her, and she blinked her eyes quickly to wake up while Johanna cackled next to her. "Rise and shine, brainless. It's time to put your sling back on," she said between laughs.

Katniss cracked an embarrassed smile despite (or perhaps, because of) her annoyance at Johanna's teasing. She waited for Johanna to continue about any variety of topics: Peeta, Peeta, or Peeta. But Johanna just wrapped her arm back in the sling with no further commentary, than slapped her hand down on Katniss's knee before walking away. "Good to see you back here," she shouted over her shoulder.

_That was nice. That was weird. I guess, both?_

Katniss got off the table and eased her hoodie over her shoulders and sling like a cape before digging her car keys out of her pocket. She focused on planning the rest of her morning as she walked through the double doors and into the lobby.

How long would it take her to get cleaned up and changed for work?

Was it possible for her to get in to work a bit earlier than usual so she could have work completed as soon as possible before Seneca came strolling in over an hour late?

How long would it take her to file paperwork and type when she was only able to use one arm?

What was Peeta doing there?

He was leaning against Effie's reception desk, smiling as he listened to her talk. Katniss guessed that he was dressed for work – she'd only ever seen him in athletic shorts or jeans and worn t-shirts, which was fine because that's what she wore around him. Now her faded leggings, grey t-shirt from Prim's closet, and red hoodie contrasted sharply with his outfit. He was wearing a pair of flat-front navy pants, which were scuffed just slightly around the edges of the pockets and the hem, which hit just above the arch of his dark brown leather slip-on shoes. His white button-down shirt was pressed neatly but the sleeves were rolled up to just under his elbows. His tie was a solid medium blue, but it was made of a soft flannel material instead of the shiny silks she usually associated with ties. The blue brought out his eyes… that were now trained on her. She dropped her keys in her surprise, and he rushed forward to pick them up for her.

"Thank you. Um…," she faltered while shifting her weight from side to side. Her nerves were getting the best of her – it wasn't that she was upset to see him. Far from it. She was pleasantly surprised, but also nervous and suddenly feeling very, very inadequate. Especially when he looked that good. "What are you doing here?" she asked softly, her shy smile betraying her attempts to stay cool.

He reached behind him to pick up a brown paper lunch bag from Effie's desk. "It's your first day back at work, and I know I have completely spoiled you on good food. I hated the idea of you just having a bagel or a banana on your stomach. So, these are for you."

He placed the bag in her hand and opened up the top of it so she could look inside without moving her sling. Inside the bag were half a dozen cheese buns, warm to the touch of her hand through the paper. Nestled on top was a slip of paper that said:

_Katniss,_

_Don't be nervous. You can do this. _

_Peeta_

Katniss almost dropped the bag as she rushed forward to hug him. She didn't have to tell him she was nervous about returning to work, but he knew anyway. He wrapped one arm around her waist and the other around her left shoulder, being careful as always of her injury. She was only able to wrap her free arm around him, but her fingers poked out of the sling and grabbed a handful of his shirt to draw him closer. Here in his arms she felt safe, she felt warm. The tension faded from her body and heat pooled where he touched her – his hands against her back, his arms against her sides, his jaw against the top of her head, her stomach against his. She felt as if she was standing in her meadow, only better. Because this was really happening.

When she reluctantly pulled back, her smile met his. She pulled her arm back and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling the pit of nerves coil itself in her stomach again. "You clean up pretty nice, you know. I'm pretty intimidated."

He laughed and smoothed his tie down his shirtfront. "Thanks. That's just the reaction I was hoping for from you," he joked.

Her smile grew. "I feel pretty underdressed now," she said, and noticed the clock on the wall behind Peeta. _Shit._ "Actually, I need to get going. It would really suck to be late on the first day back." She hated to say it though. Not when her mind said _please don't leave. I want to turn time back and spend last week with you all over again. Also, you smell really good._

"We wouldn't want that. I'd probably have to send a lot of cheese buns to your boss to make up for it." He opened the front door for her, and led her outside with his hand on the small of her back. It gave her a little more confidence, which was quickly deflated as soon as she saw a beige SUV parked against the curb, with a familiar blonde behind the wheel.

Katniss turned to Peeta with the question on her face. He nodded towards Delly and turned back to Katniss. "My car was making a weird noise on my way home last night, so I dropped it off at the shop. Delly is my personal chauffer today, because I'm fancy like that."

She smiled at his joke, but felt incredibly nervous to see the physical representation of her insecurities towards Peeta, and how she had pushed him away. She never apologized for that to him, because she feared that as soon as she did, he would tell her that he wasn't interested in Katniss as more than a friend anyway. Despite all evidence to the contrary.

Delly was waving at them through the tinted windshield. Then she was waving them over.

_No. No. Please, no. Oh God, no. _

Before Katniss could actually say any of that out loud, Peeta was leading her to the driver's side of Delly's car. Delly jumped out of the car and clasped Katniss's free hand in both of hers, pumping it up and down in an enthusiastic handshake. "You must be Katniss! I'm Delly, and I am _so_ happy to finally meet you!"

Katniss could actually hear multiple exclamation points in every word Delly said. Peeta's sister was friendly and warm and bubbly and everything Katniss was not.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," Katniss said, trying her best to not let her nerves and insecurities show.

"Sorry Dell, she's gotta get going. Katniss has to head back to work, and I've got my first class in half an hour," Peeta said. _Thank God._ He started rubbing his hand along her lower back in small, soothing circles, and Katniss knew it would be impossible to carry a conversation now that she could feel his touch radiating throughout her entire body.

She said her goodbyes to Delly, and before she could say goodbye to Peeta, he led her to her car and opened the door for her. He leaned in and said in a low voice, "You're gonna do great. I want to hear all about it in PT tomorrow, ok?"

She nodded gratefully, and he closed the door and patted the top of the car twice. As she drove away, she snuck glances at his retreating figure in the rearview mirror until he was back in Delly's car.

Instead of arriving an hour late, Seneca arrived to work two hours late. It was for the best, though. There was a large pile of work to be done waiting for her in her inbox, but it wasn't as much as she feared. When Seneca arrived, she had already completed it, and had everything ready for his signature. Later, during lunch with Gale, he told her that the crew chiefs had been saving their requests until she returned, knowing that Seneca would only postpone it or mess it up in her absence.

Seneca greeted her when he arrived and tried to make small talk about her surgery and recovery, but seemed distracted. That afternoon, he asked her in to his office for a "very special meeting". Her stomach dropped. _This is it. This is when I get fired._

"Katniss, can you keep a secret?" Seneca asked as soon as she entered his office.

"Um, I suppose?" she replied, not sure what he was leading towards. He motioned for her to close the door, even though they were the only ones in the center today.

"Katniss, the city council is looking to make some changes in the Parks and Recreation department, and they've been looking pretty hard at District 12. It's obvious that they finally recognize my good work, and I have a feeling I'll be getting a promotion soon. I wanted to give you a heads up, because there just might be an opportunity for you to be my secretary," he boasted proudly.

_Um… yay?_

She wasn't sure if she should be annoyed that he thought she'd want to be his secretary, although wasn't that practically what she was now? At least at the park, she was able to do outdoor activities and interact with the rangers and visitors. Maybe she was annoyed that Seneca was being considered for a promotion when he did a total of ten minutes of actual work during any given week, and she busted her ass every day but wouldn't be considered for promotion without a college degree. Perhaps she should just be grateful that instead of firing her, he was talking to her about a future job opportunity.

"That's great… I mean, that's great for you. And thanks for thinking of me," she stammered.

"Don't go out bragging about it just yet. I'm not sure when it will come through… government being how it is," he said, chuckling at his own joke. "But I know what good work you do here, and I need to build a team of people who can work hard. That's what I'm all about. _Hard work._"

She shifted her sling on purpose so the pain would keep her from laughing in his face. He kept her in his office for a few more minutes, discussing his own career plans and just "what kind of changes" he'd like to see for his seemingly inevitable career in politics, and who he couldn't wait to meet when he started working in the Capitol. She just nodded her head, and waited to be excused. The rest of the day passed before she knew it.

By the time she got home from work, she was absolutely exhausted. Everything hurt. Her shoulder, her back, her knees, her feet. In her rush to prove to Seneca that she was more than up to the task of doing her job (and frankly, his), she ignored her body's cues and pushed through the aches and fatigue.

But through all the pain, she realized she was happy. Her worst fears had not come through – she was not fired, her desk had not been cleaned out. Seneca was an ass, but when was that something new? Katniss had done what she did best – _survived._ And if she could survive today, perhaps she could survive whatever happened next.

_Not that I'm looking for something else to happen._

Prim greeted her at the door and took Katniss's coat and bag, hanging them up before leading her into the kitchen. She had already made them dinner – tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, because she knew they were comforting foods for Katniss. When Katniss showed her the leftover cheese buns from this morning, Prim squealed and added them to her plate. As Prim grabbed their plates to bring to the living room, Katniss's phone chimed with a text.

_Katniss?_

She did not recognize the number. _Yes… who is this?_

It took a minute for the reply to come in. Prim glanced at Katniss, who was studying the unknown number, and smiled to herself.

_It's Peeta. Prim gave me your number today, hope it's ok. Can I drop by for a couple of minutes tonight? _

"PRIM!" Katniss shouted.

"Oh, calm down. I gave him your number, not your social security number or most embarrassing secrets," Prim said as she rolled her eyes.

"He wants to come over! Tonight!" Katniss shook the phone in Prim's direction, trying to convey exactly how _not cool_ this situation was. _Why is he coming over? Did he lose his job? Did someone die? Did Delly hate me, and now he's telling me he can't hang out with me anymore?_ She hated to admit it, but the last thought scared her the most.

"Good! Tell him we have plenty for dinner if he wants some," Prim shouted from the living room.

Katniss took a deep breath and exhaled before slowly typing the response. _Sure. Everything ok?_

_Yes. Got something for you._

During dinner, she told Prim about her day – from PT to Peeta's surprise to Seneca's usual attitude. Her soup was tasteless in her mouth, and the grilled cheese stuck in her mouth like sand. She wondered if there would ever be a day where Peeta's presence – or even the anticipation of his presence – did not set off her nerves. _In a good way._

Before they finished eating, the doorbell rang. Katniss looked at Prim, and Prim smiled and mumbled something about getting a book from her room, and disappeared. Katniss wasn't sure whether to be mad or grateful at her sister's departure.

She patted her hair down and smoothed her shirt over her admittedly unimpressive chest, and opened the door. He was wearing a pair of jeans, faded naturally through years of wear, just like the black Chucks on his feet. Over that was a heather grey hooded sweatshirt with a green t-shirt peeking through the opening in the neck. He looked familiar. He looked good.

He always looked good to her.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he said. "Thanks for letting me come over."

She stepped aside to allow him in, and he crossed the threshold into the house, turning back to her once she closed the door.

"So, how did it go today?" he asked.

"Um… ok, actually. I didn't get fired. My job is still there, so I guess they didn't find a way to carry on without my position while I was gone. I'm really wiped out from it, but it's good. It's, um… a good kind of tired, I guess?" she said.

He smiled and nodded, then looked down at his hands in his lap. "I'm really glad. I thought about you today."

Katniss wasn't sure, but she was pretty sure her heart just did a back flip. "Yeah?" she asked.

He nodded again, still keeping his eyes on his hands. "Yeah. And I guess I didn't want to wait until tomorrow morning to find out if everything was ok."

The smile spread across her face before she realized it was there. "Thank you. You didn't have to tell me you had something for me, though. I would have let you come over anyway."

He looked in her eyes with excitement. "No, that part is true!"

Peeta raised the strap of his bag over his head and placed it on his lap so he could rummage through it. "See, one of my classes worked on drawing natural elements today. I did one as a demonstration, and I thought you might want it. See," he said as he pulled out a charcoal drawing, "it's a katniss flower. I saw it in an old book, and I thought of you."

The drawing was, to him, a simple charcoal rendering of a three-petaled white flower with broad leaves. But to her it was so much more. He had rendered the scalloped edges of the soft petals so perfectly she could almost see them fluttering in the breeze. The leaves seemed to glow with the reflection of light, and the full buds just underneath the flowering tip looked ready to burst open.

By now, her heart wasn't doing a back flip. It was break-dancing.

"Thank you. This… Peeta, this is beautiful," she whispered. Her eyes rose to meet his, and she was surprised at how nervous he looked. _Did he think I wouldn't like it?_ _How could he not see how beautiful this is?_

"Actually, that's not really your present," he said. "I brought that in case you don't like what I actually wanted to give you."

She tilted her head to the side, confused. "What's that?"

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and leaned forward to press his lips to hers. His mouth was soft, and she tasted peppermint on his lips. She tried not to think about her lips tasting like tomato soup, and closed her eyes. His kiss was like him – warm and soft, gentle but strong. It was surprising and exciting and everything wonderful wrapped up into one, just one simple movement. Their lips moved together for a moment, and then he broke away. She was in a daze, her senses full of everything that was _him_, and looked in his eyes.

"That… that was the present. At least, that's what I've wanted to give you. For a while now," he whispered, looking in her eyes for any trace of rejection.

She touched her fingers to her lips, and felt the moisture left from his mouth on them. "I liked that present. Very much."

He smiled and exhaled shakily in relief, and she smelled the peppermint on his breath again. "Katniss, I really want to take you out on a date."

"Okay," she said softly. And his smile grew.

"That was easier than I thought," he said. "Saturday night? I'll plan everything."

"Okay," she repeated, still in a bit of a daze.

"Okay," he said. And they looked at each other and smiled, not knowing that Prim was spying on them from the hall and grinning. They also didn't know that Prim pulled out her phone and immediately texted Gale.

_GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?_


	10. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Thanks again to everyone reading and supporting this story! A reminder that there are more notes about this story on my Tumblr (tumblr name: fnurfnur) and I always welcome questions, comments, feedback, criticism, and bribes._

_Thanks to beta extraordinaire/probable future sister-in-law for-prim. Go check out Heroes & Thieves if you have not already. _

"Here, wear this," Prim said, handing her a short denim skirt.

"You have got to be shitting me, Prim. I'm not wearing a skirt. Besides, it's going to be too cold for a skirt," Katniss said, standing in her underwear with her arms crossed. They were in Prim's bedroom raiding her closet ever since Prim decided that Katniss had nothing acceptable to wear on her date with Peeta.

"You can wear tights with it!" Prim said.

"Nope. I'm uncomfortable enough with myself in this situation, Prim. Can't I at least be comfortable with what I am wearing?" Katniss complained, sitting down on Prim's bed.

Prim rolled her eyes. "FINE. But you're wearing a skirt for your second date."

"Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" Katniss asked.

"I don't think so. Here," Prim said, handing Katniss a pair of dark green skinny jeans from her closet.

Katniss started to pull them on but stopped halfway, scrutinizing the jeans. "These are way too tight."

"That's the point, Katniss – to show off the shape of your legs. Besides, they stretch so you'll still be comfortable," Prim said, rolling her eyes.

"Did he give you any hint as to where he is taking me?" Katniss asked as she struggled to fit the jeans over her narrow hips.

"I told you, no. Not a single clue. I asked him how you should dress, and he just said whatever is comfortable for you." Prim said.

"I hope it's not somewhere fancy. I don't have anything fancy. What if he expects me to show up in a dress and heels?" Katniss asked.

Prim's face lit up. "Oh, I have a dress!"

Katniss's face fell. "I don't want to wear a dress!"

Prim sighed. "I don't think he'd say to dress in whatever is comfortable if he expected you to dress up. No offense Katniss, but you don't exactly give off a 'fancy girl' vibe."

"I take that as a compliment." Katniss lay down on Prim's bed so she could button the jeans at the waist.

Prim fished a pair of caramel-brown leather boots out of her closet. "Here, put these on. They look good with the jeans."

Katniss hesitated. "These are your favorite boots." Prim had done small jobs around the neighborhood and recycled soda cans for almost eighteen months to save up for them. She had insisted to Katniss that she would pay for them herself, and Katniss would never forget the look of pride on Prim's face last year when she was finally able to go to the mall and purchase them.

Prim smiled and nodded. "I know. You're welcome. Put them on."

"Thank you." Katniss reluctantly grabbed them.

"You're welcome." Prim turned her attention back to her closet.

Katniss looked at herself in the mirror. "Are we forgetting something? I can't go out topless."

Prim giggled. "I don't think Peeta would mind, but hold on. Here." She grabbed two more items from her closet and handed them to Katniss.

Katniss began putting them on, but she was skeptical. "It's a tank top and a cardigan. That's ok for a date?"

"It's a nice blue sleeveless blouse and a chocolate mohair cardigan. Don't make it sound like sweat pants."

Katniss rolled her eyes and gently pushed her injured arm through the sleeve, noting for the 500th time that day how happy she was to be free of the sling. "Fine… this is okay?"

"It is! You look great. Now let me do your hair." Prim grabbed her hairbrush from her dresser and seated herself behind Katniss on the bed.

"You're just gonna put it in a braid, right?" Katniss asked.

"No, you should wear it down. It looks really good down." Prim began brushing her sister's hair, carefully removing tangles from the braid it had been in all day.

"It's gonna get in my face all night and annoy me!"

"Love is worth sacrifices, Katniss."

"Shut up." Katniss mumbled.

"Just put an elastic on your wrist. If it really drives you nuts, you can pull it back later. Hold on, let me get my curling iron. Oh, and makeup!"

There was no talking Prim out of this, and Katniss knew it. She also knew Prim wouldn't go overboard and make her look like someone she wasn't, so she kept her mouth shut as Prim used her curling iron to touch up Katniss's naturally wavy hair, and as she sparingly applied eyeliner and mascara to the rims of Katniss's grey eyes. When Prim was finished applying lip gloss to her sister's mouth, she pointed to the mirror so Katniss could see. And even Katniss had to admit she looked pretty good.

"I'm nervous," Katniss admitted.

"I know," Prim said, getting off the bed to look through her jewelry.

"I don't know why. It's not like I've never been on a date before."

"You haven't been on a date with _Peeta_ before. He's a good one. Here." Prim handed her a pair of delicate silver hoop earrings. Katniss slipped them in her ears as she continued to think.

"It's like… I'm nervous because I think something could actually become of this. Actually, I think I _want_ something to come of this." Prim looked at her sister in surprise – it wasn't like Katniss to open up like this, even to her.

"Me too, Kitten." Prim smiled tentatively to Katniss, hoping to convey her hopes and dreams for her in one look without freaking her sister out to hide behind her walls again.

They smiled at each other in silence, their eyes speaking more than words could convey. Their silence was broken only by the doorbell, and then Prim's high-pitched squeal.

"Prim, please calm down! You're freaking me out!" Katniss pleaded as they both moved towards the front door. Prim reached the door first, and flung it open.

Peeta stood on their doormat, wiping brown leather shoes on the frayed surface. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans, which immediately reassured Katniss that formal wear was _not_ required tonight. A lightweight grey sweater stretched across his chest and draped softly down to his hips. He was holding something behind his back with one hand, while his other hand held a black fleece jacket. And he was smiling at Katniss – _really_ smiling, as if he was seeing a sunset for the very first time.

"Hey," he said to her.

"Hey," she said to him.

"HEY!" Prim said, as she motioned for him to come in. He walked in and greeted Prim, but turned his eyes back to Katniss.

"So, I brought you something," he said as he pulled his arm from behind his back and revealed a small terracotta pot full of violets. "I was gonna do regular flowers, but I thought you'd appreciate something that wouldn't die in a few days."

He was right. Katniss had never had a guy give her flowers, but she'd always thought it was silly anyway. Flowers were cut from their natural habitat and given to some fawning girl who put them in a vase and watched them slowly die. It seemed like the biggest waste of money. Peeta somehow knew that she preferred the living, the natural, the uncomplicated, the genuine. She accepted the pot from his outstretched hand as she tried to find the words of gratitude she wanted to say.

"Thank you… this is… it's wonderful. I… thank you." _Wow, Katniss. Good job. You should really be a public speaker with that sort of gift for words._

He smiled, and leaned in to kiss the side of her cheek. "You're welcome. And you look beautiful, you know," he murmured against her cheek.

Since their first kiss on Monday, Peeta had been pretty liberal with his kisses. But they were only on the cheek or the forehead, or her hand as he walked her to the car after they had PT together. Katniss wanted his lips on hers again. She wondered if that feeling of being lost in his touch would come back again. She wanted it to.

When he stepped back from kissing her cheek, Prim snuck up next to Katniss and took the potted plant from her hands. "I'll take care of this, Katniss. You kids have fun!" she said with a wink.

Peeta chuckled at Prim and turned to Katniss. "Are you ready?"

_Am I?_ she thought.

"I am," she said.

He placed his hand on the small of her back and led her through the front door after they both waved goodbye to Prim. Once the front door was closed, he tentatively reached for her hand and smiled softly. _He's nervous,_ she thought. She squeezed his hand. _I'm nervous too. _

He led her to his car, a black Jeep Cherokee that looked old but well-maintained. It was old enough that he needed to use the key in the door's lock to open her door, and she smiled. He opened her door and waited until she was settled before walking around. Before he could unlock his door, she reached across the seats and popped the lock open for him. He hesitated for just a second before opening the door, and then climbed into the driver's seat with a huge smile on his face.

"So, are you going to tell me where we are going?" Katniss asked.

"Well, it's a bit of a surprise. But I can tell you that I figured dinner and a movie would be fun, even though that's sort of how we spent all of last week. The only problem is, I kind of hate movie theaters. The prices are ridiculous, and you can't bring in your own food, and you have to hear everyone else's stupid commentary during the best parts of the movie. And then, I didn't want to take you to a fancy restaurant. I mean… oh, God." He took a hand off the wheel to rub the back of his neck, and she noticed his skin between his eyebrows was wrinkled as he tried to talk away his nerves. "Not that you don't _deserve_ a fancy restaurant. I just wanted a place where we didn't have to worry about using the right fork, or where we couldn't relax. So, we're doing something else."

"Okay," she said with a smile.

"Okay," he said back to her, and exhaled finally.

It only took a few minutes to pull up to their destination. Now Katniss was really confused.

"Our date is at Merchant High School?" she asked.

"Sort of," he said as he got out of the car. He jogged over to her door and opened it, extending his hand to her. She accepted it, giving him a wary look.

"I don't think I've been back inside here since Prim's last parent-teacher conference," she said, looking around. That had been several months ago at the beginning of the school year. Prim's guidance counselor asked Katniss and Prim to come in so they could discuss Prim's college options, including scholarships and loans.

"Well, we're not going inside. We're staying outside," he said with a wink, leading them through the parking lot.

"I'm not a fancy restaurant-type of girl, Peeta, but I'm not a parking lot-type of girl either, you know."

He laughed. "That is true. You are much, much more than that."

He led her through the parking lot and around one of the buildings to a set of concrete stairs cut through a hill. It was the entrance to the football field and track. When Katniss was in high school, she ran track and really enjoyed it. She wasn't the fastest on the team but she was fast, and she loved every practice, every meet.

"Are you going to challenge me to a race? I'm pretty sure I can beat you – especially while you still have your brace on," she said. Katniss could see the outline of the brace through his jeans. The lightweight one was thin enough to be worn underneath clothing, but was still stiff enough to cause a hitch in his stride.

"I'm positive you could. Even without the brace, I'm not exactly light-footed," he joked. As they reached the bottom of the stairs to the locked gate around the field, he pulled a key out of his back pocket.

"Did I ever tell you about one of the job perks of being a coach at a high school?" he asked as he worked the key into the gate's lock.

"I didn't know there were any," she joked.

"Just a few," he chuckled. "The biggest one is total access to the field."

The lock sprung free, and he opened the door with a flourish for her to enter before him. She walked in and saw the darkened football field, with the artificial green track lining the perimeter. But there was something in the middle of the field. It looked like an outstretched blanket, with a few pillows. Sitting in the middle was a large picnic basket, Peeta's laptop and what looked like a projector. She looked past the blanket and saw a very large white cloth hanging down from one of the goalposts.

"Dinner and a movie," he said, the nervous air creeping back into his voice.

"It's perfect," she said with a smile. And it was. He led her to the blanket and unpacked their meal. It was a simple meal at first glance, but she knew Peeta had taken special care with every element. He had wrapped up two sandwiches made from homemade sourdough bread stuffed with thick slices of steak, bright green spinach leaves and creamy white goat cheese. There was a bowl of fruit salad, with crisp apples mixed with juicy berries and succulent pieces of melon. Tucked next to them were half a dozen dark chocolate brownies, as well as a few bottles of water and some local beer.

She took off Prim's boots while he started up the movie. He explained that tonight's movie selection was courtesy of Delly. She, like Katniss, liked mystery movies but not necessarily scary movies. Katniss had mentioned liking "Psycho," so Delly suggested her own favorite Hitchcock movie – "Rear Window". Neither Katniss nor Peeta had seen it yet.

"Delly said that James Stewart is a photographer stuck in a wheelchair, and he's so bored that he starts to spy on his neighbors. Eventually, he becomes convinced that one of his neighbors is a murderer, so he and his girlfriend, Grace Kelly, try to prove it," Peeta explained.

She opened a beer and handed it to him. "Sounds like my kind of movie."

He smiled, and held his bottle out to toast with hers. "Let's hope so."

The movie started and they settled into their meals. As usual, she wondered if it was the best meal she had ever had. Peeta's food had a way of doing that. When she was distracted by the sheer bliss experienced by the first bite of the dark chocolate brownie, he reached over and softly touched her jaw, using his thumb to wipe a stray crumb from her lip. She wasn't sure how much of the excitement she felt in her fingers and toes were caused by the brownie and how much was caused by his touch, but she was curious to find out.

Her gaze focused on his eyes.

Then his lips.

Then his eyes.

Then his lips.

And his gaze followed hers, but he hesitated. She wondered about other girls he had dated – did he hesitate with them? Had they felt this way about him? Because she was very sure she had never felt this way about anyone before, and didn't even think she was capable of it.

He looked in her eyes again, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if he was trying to figure out the answer to a very hard question.

Until Katniss leaned over and kissed him. After that, all questions and forms of rational seemed to disappear from his mind.

Though the movie went on and the plot thickened, but Katniss and Peeta did not care. Now the only thing Katniss cared about was their kiss. Then his hand on her waist, pulling her against him. Her hand in his hair, raking softly against his scalp then resting against the edge of his sweater. Eventually, purposefully, his clothed body on top of hers, supported by his elbows at her sides.

How she sighed into his mouth and his hands slid over the thin fabric around the waist of her blouse.

How he moaned into her neck as the scent of her hair filled his lungs.

The heat burned slowly, but not because they were shy. It seemed that their previous inhibitions had disappeared once they touched. Instead, they took their time exploring each other and discovering.

Peeta learned the exact point and pressure behind Katniss's ear that made her breath hitch.

Katniss learned the valley of his back, just underneath the hem of his shirt, which made him sigh against her.

Peeta memorized every square inch of her neck and collarbone exposed above the scooped neck of her blouse, and which places tasted the sweetest.

Katniss committed to memory the feel of his shoulders, shifting above her as he made his way into her mouth.

The movie ended.

They did not notice.

Their clothes felt too restrictive.

A soft hiss filled the air, and as soon as they realized what the sound was, the first drops from the field's sprinklers were already hitting them. She shrieked, he cursed. They jumped up from the blanket and started to gather their items when Katniss saw Prim's boots lying off to the side, being pelted by the water.

"_SHIT_! I can't get her boots wet! They're her favorites!" Katniss shouted as she fumbled with her cardigan to wrap them around Prim's beloved boots. Peeta grabbed his jacket from the blanket before she could get the offending sweater off, and wrapped them around the boots for her. He gathered everything else up in the blanket, and they sprinted off the field, dodging the automatic sprinklers. They continued running even after they had left the reach of the water, and didn't stop until they reached his car, giggling and out of breath from the run.

"I am so sorry about that… I had no idea the sprinklers went on every night at… wow, midnight," he said as he checked his watch. Katniss shook the water out of her hair and laughed. She liked the flush on his face, caused from the running and his embarrassment. It made the blue of his eyes seem more… _more_.

"Good to know my knee works in times of emergency," Peeta said as he opened the trunk to put their items in. "Of course, I'm probably going to be feeling it tomorrow. Worth it, though."

She smiled and handed him the bundle of his jacket and Prim's boots. "You should put ice on that knee, you know."

"Oh, I've got a big bag of frozen corn at home with my name on it. But it can wait." He opened his jacket to look at Prim's boots and assess the damage. "This isn't bad at all."

Peeta looked at Katniss – she was holding her shoulder and wincing just slightly. Her cardigan was hanging off that shoulder from where she had tried to rip it off before. She was glowing, covered in a light mist from the sprinklers, and he had to stop his eyes away from following the downward path of every single drop. He placed Prim's boots in the trunk and walked to her. "Does it hurt?"

She lifted the side of her mouth, trying to show nonchalance to hide the ache in her shoulder. "It's fine. I have a bag of frozen peas at home with my name on it."

He leaned down and brushed his lips against the pink scar on her shoulder. "Lucky peas," he said. He turned his head and looked in her eyes. "Better?"

She leaned her head against his; savoring the feeling of warm lips on wet skin, hot breath against cold moisture. "Getting there."

The tips of his fingers traced up, then down her arms resting finally in her hands, fingers entwined. His delicate touch made her shiver, but he misinterpreted. "Let's get in the car and warm you up," he whispered.

He opened her door for her and made sure she was safely in the seat before running back to the trunk and grabbing Prim's boots. Once settled in his seat, he placed the boots next to Katniss's feet and turned the heat on. "This will help dry them out. And if that doesn't work, I owe Prim new boots."

"No, you don't – if anyone does, I do," Katniss insisted.

"We'll see about that. I'm the dumbass who forgot to check about the sprinklers. Oh my God, I still can't believe that happened." He leaned his head against the steering wheel.

She couldn't help it – she burst into laughter. "It made the date memorable, that's for sure."

He tilted his head to look at her, his temple now pressed to the wheel. "It wasn't memorable before?"

The crimson tinge on her cheeks said everything. "Okay, maybe it was. Just a little."

He smiled until his cheeks hurt. "I'll take that."

He started the car and they drove to her house, neither wanting the date to end. At the first stoplight, his hand found hers across the console, and their hands stayed clasped together for the remainder of the drive.

Reluctantly, he let go of her hand to shift into park, and she grabbed Prim's boots to inspect them. The heat had worked – they looked just fine. Hopefully, Prim would think so, too. She slipped them on her feet while Peeta stepped out and came around the car to open the door for her. She stepped out, but leaned back against the passenger door when he closed it.

"I had a really good time tonight, Katniss." He reached out to hold her hands again, and she thought that every part of her seemed to feel better when he was touching her.

"I did too, Peeta." He took her words as encouragement, and leaned forward to capture her lips. He sucked the swell of her bottom lip between his, and ran his tongue gently across. She sighed into his mouth, and touched her tongue to his, sliding gently. They explored the sounds their mouths made, the feeling of tongues and lips and teeth. They weren't sure how much time passed before they stopped for air, but it's not like there was anything they'd rather be doing at the moment – or anyone they'd rather do it with.

Eventually they broke away, and he leaned his forehead against hers while wrapping his arms around her waist. "I promise… the next date? I'll keep you nice and dry. I won't get you wet at all. Wait…" He closed his eyes and threw his head back, trying to will himself to fall through a hole in the ground and die of shame.

She burst into laughter so hard that she snorted – _SNORTED! - _ then buried her head in Peeta's chest in embarrassment.

He exhaled before letting out a soft laugh. "I'm just gonna shut up now," Peeta said.

"You're being awfully presumptive. About having a second date, I mean."

"Am I?" he asked, eyebrow raised as he looked at her.

She shrugged, and then looked at her feet. "It's okay. Prim already told me what I should wear on the second date. And that was before you picked me up for _this_ date."

He threw his head back and laughed, smiling at the stars above them. "Glad she had such high hopes for my success. So Miss Everdeen, did I do anything to spoil my chances for a second date?"

"Not at all."

He leaned his mouth in to hers. "Good to know," he mumbled against her soft lips. They kissed again, the movements now familiar yet still very new. With every brush of skin, every caress of lip and tongue and even clash of teeth, there was energy pulsing around them, between them, inside them. He felt like he was flying. She felt like she was on fire.

"Katniss, I have to tell you something." He paused, sucking his top lip in between his teeth again, just like he did last week. Before she cried in front of him. Only this time, his lip was swollen and pink from being kissed. She tried to focus on his lips, and not her fear of what he was about to say._ Don't be married, don't be married, don't be married…_

"I have to tell you that… I like you."

She exhaled. "I like you too, Peeta."

He shook his head slightly, and took a deep breath. "No, I mean… I really like you."

She smiled, and tried to catch his eye. "I really like you too."

He looked in her eyes, the silver in her irises somehow catching fire in the evening light. "Can I see you tomorrow? Take you to breakfast?"

She nodded, unable to contain her smile. "Okay."

He let go of her hands and she missed the contact for just a second before his hands were on either side of her face, holding her to him as he kissed her forehead. He paused, and mumbled against her forehead, "Just so I know how to prepare myself… what exactly did Prim want you to wear?"

She kissed him once more on the lips, then walked away from him and through the front door. Before closing it and officially ending the evening, she turned around and told him, "I guess you'll find out tomorrow."

Once she closed the door, she peeked through the peephole and watched him walk back to his car and drive away, a smile on his face the entire time. She turned and leaned her back flush against the door, lost in her thoughts until she noticed Prim's head poking up from the back of the couch, watching her.

Prim smiled slowly, taking in her sister's flush and bright smile. "Yeah?"

Katniss gently touched three fingers to her lips, making sure the tingle they still felt was real. "Yeah."


	11. Chapter 11

_Sorry this chapter took a bit longer, but personal obligations reared their ugly head. Thanks to everyone for reading this story, and thanks for your favorites, follows and reviews. Especially your reviews, I live for that shit._

_Big thanks to for-prim, rock star beta._

* * *

"So, I wanted to ask you something…"

Katniss tried to look stern but chuckled to herself. She knew there was a reason Prim got up early on a Saturday morning, cleaned the house, then surprised Katniss with breakfast. Well, that cereal she liked with the marshmallows in it. Prim even told her that her hair looked exceptionally lovely today, and kept a straight face while saying it. Katniss knew Prim was up to something, and figured it would be more enjoyable to let Prim ask on her own time. Maybe after she got Katniss a second bowl of cereal.

"Is it okay if I spend the night at Myra's house tonight?" Prim asked between bites of cereal. It was late morning, and the sisters sat on their sofa enjoying a leisurely breakfast over Saturday morning cartoons.

Katniss thought for a moment. "Wait, which one is Myra?"

Prim rolled her eyes. "My friend from English class; we're working together on our senior project. You've met her twice when she was over here studying with me!"

"Right, right. Sorry, just tired. Are her parents going to be home?" Katniss asked before eating another spoonful.

"Yup. And I'll leave the number. It's only two streets over, so I won't be far." It was the same conversation they had any time Prim wanted to spend time away from home with a new friend. Katniss did remember meeting this friend, but she always made Prim describe the person. _Like how detectives always ask the suspect the same question over and over to see if their story changes._

Katniss nodded at Prim. "Okay, but you have to call me when you get there, and in the morning. And if you guys go out. And…"

"And if we get into any bad situations, I call you right away. I know, _Mom_." Prim giggled, not realizing what she had said until it was too late. She knew she'd gone too far.

Katniss just stared at her cereal, her jaw tightening. She didn't want to be compared to their mother. Ever. Prim knew that. And now, Prim felt terrible, fearing she had upset her sister.

"I'm sorry. Really, Katniss. I wasn't thinking. I'm so sorry. I was just trying to tease, and… I'm sorry." Prim put her bowl down on the coffee table and scooted next to Katniss until she was close enough to hug. Katniss took one hand off the bowl, and wrapped it around Prim's shoulder.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it," Katniss whispered. As she hugged her sister and relaxed her jaw, she realized it really was. It was the sort of comment that would have bothered her all day only a year or even a few months ago, but not now. She was determined not to get upset. She would _not_ let her mother -even the thought of her - ruin her day. Or Prim's, for that matter.

Katniss turned her head and kissed Prim's cheek to let her know that everything was fine. Prim released her grip around her sister, and smiled gratefully. They turned their attention back to the television, and their breakfasts.

"I just want you to know," Prim said quietly, almost to herself, "I know neither of us asked to be in this situation. And that you weren't ready to be a mom. But I think you've done a great job, and that they'd be proud of you. I know I am."

Katniss looked at her sister, trying to hold back the sudden tears that threatened to spill over. She had to admit to herself that she was selfish and single-minded at times, because she forgot how she wasn't the only one who experienced the loss. As hard as it was for Katniss to lose her parents, it was just as hard, if not harder, on Prim. Being raised by her older sister after the death of their father and abandonment of their mother had been hard on Prim, but nonetheless she had grown into a beautiful, mature and responsible young woman. Katniss didn't tell her that enough. So she did, right there. Prim reached out and held Katniss's hand and they stayed like that for several minutes on the sofa, their touch assuring each other more than words could. Eventually Prim gave Katniss's hand an extra squeeze and returned her attention to her breakfast.

"You and Peeta hanging out tonight?" Prim asked tentatively.

Katniss nodded and smiled, grateful to Prim for the change of subject. It had been two weeks since their first date. They had spent most of the next day together, first at brunch and then a leisurely walk through town. They snuck in a few kisses… maybe more than a few. But they had also been content strolling down the sidewalk, hand in hand.

Peeta liked holding her hand, and she really liked holding his. So much of who Peeta was could be determined through his hands. When he touched her, she felt an overwhelming strength that was held back, because he didn't need to prove himself to her. There was a wise gentleness that told her how much he cherished her. There was a heat, an electric charge even, that spoke more than words could ever convey.

The first time he held her hand in PT, they were next to each other being iced down after their therapy. It was their first PT session together since that weekend, _the_ weekend. He had not been shy with his affection, even in front of the trainers. Even when Johanna and Finnick saw him kiss her temple as he passed her to grab his own resistance band as she did a second set of arm extensions. Even when Finnick started whistling and Johanna started catcalling to them from the other side of the arena. Even when Katniss flipped them off.

Their PT sessions were sometimes the only chance they had to see each other during the week. Seneca had her working hard at the park so that he would look better to his superiors. Katniss didn't mind much, though, because this meant she was able to create and push through more requisitions to get long-needed repairs and improvements done. She got the go-ahead to do more nature walks and community programs, and spend more time outside. The extra hours and overtime didn't hurt, either, especially with her medical bills and Prim's prom coming up soon. There was no telling what Seneca was doing while Katniss had her nose to the grindstone, but it didn't seem to be interfering with his important Facebook time.

Even though she enjoyed the extra work she was doing, it did leave her exhausted by the time she got home every evening. She was too tired for weeknight dates with Peeta, so the weekends became their time to share.

They still talked every day. More than once every day, he texted her to say hi or share a funny story he thought she would appreciate. He sometimes found reasons to drop by the park in the afternoon to say hi, and more than once he surprised her with lunch. It was during one of these surprise lunches that Peeta met Gale.

"_You look really familiar," Peeta said as he shook Gale's hand. "Do you happen to know Madge Undersee?"_

_Gale chuckled, and nodded. "Actually, Madge is my girlfriend."_

_Katniss tilted her head in confusion, looking between the two men. "Wait, Gale's Madge is Peeta's co-worker, Miss Undersee?"_

_Peeta smiled. "Small world. She has a picture of the two of you on her desk. Don't tell her I said that, though."_

"_Oh no, I definitely plan to take advantage of that knowledge. Sorry, man," Gale said, gesturing for him to join them at the picnic table._

_Later in the day, after Gale and Katniss went back to work and Peeta left to study, Gale texted her._

"_He's a good guy. If he hurts you, I'll kill him with my chainsaw."_

Katniss and Peeta learned even more about each other.

She learned that when he was little, he was afraid of the dark. That after his father died, he was afraid of loud noises because he was scared that a bad man would shoot him, like they shot his father. She learned that his birth parents were always "Mother" and "Father", while his adoptive parents were "Mom" and "Dad". She learned that he hated the sound of knuckles cracking and that he liked to hum along to the radio, even if it was off-key. It was usually off-key.

She learned that if she kissed him very softly just behind his ear, she could make him shiver. And that he loved the smell of her hair and the taste of her lip balm.

He learned that she wasn't afraid of anything when she was little, but as she grew older she was afraid of being alone. He learned that years ago, her dad took the family to a fair and Katniss won a stuffed goat for Prim by shooting a perfect bull's eye at an archery game. Prim still had it, perched on her dresser. He learned that when she laughed – truly laughed without a care in the world – she sometimes made a little "snort" noise. He decided that it was his favorite sound in the world. He wanted to hear it, and often.

Until the day he made her moan, just slightly, as they lay together on his sofa after dinner. Then he decided he might like that sound just a little more.

It happened on their second Saturday together, when he'd taken her to a small Italian restaurant that he loved, and hoped she would love too. While they ate, he shared his favorite memories of being a teacher. As their meal was served, he was finishing a story of a rather petulant student using some bullshit excuse with him as to why his homework was not complete.

"And before I could say anything, I realized I once used that excuse too! Only it worked on Mrs. Cressida, but it was _not_ going to work on me," he said, pointing his thumbs to his chest.

Katniss covered her mouth as she laughed. He wished she wouldn't, because he loved seeing the way her mouth moved when she laughed.

When a dish of sautéed spinach accompanied their meal, Katniss picked up the lemon wedge garnish and pointed it at Peeta. "I dare you to eat this."

He raised an eyebrow and steepled his fingers in front of him. "Miss Everdeen, is that a challenge?"

She raised an eyebrow back in response. "Consider the gauntlet thrown."

He reached for the offered lemon wedge and winked at her before stuffing the entire thing, rind and all, in his mouth. Katniss dissolved into a fit of giggles – she didn't believe he would actually take her up on her silly dare. But as he swallowed the last of the bitter pith and pulp and reached for a glass of water, he distinctly heard the soft snort in her laughter, and he knew it was worth it.

After dinner, they went back to his place to watch a movie. He lived in a small house a few minutes away from her neighborhood. The house was old and needed work, but was obviously well loved. Peeta had filled his house with things he loved – pictures of family and friends, old movies, baseball memorabilia, and paintings he did in his spare time and a few pieces from his favorite students. His house was a reflection of his personality, and Katniss immediately felt at home.

They had intended to watch a movie. But like the previous Saturday, they didn't end up paying much attention to the movie as they were too distracted by each other.

As the DVD of Grosse Pointe Blank started, he slid his arm around her shoulders, and she snuggled into him and placed her hand on his chest. Her fingers started to draw lazy circles below his collarbone, and he pulled her knees up to rest in his lap. By the time the opening credits had finished, they had stretched out along his seemingly ancient leather couch. Her hands moved underneath his shirt, mapping the expanse of his muscled back. His hands slid past her hips and gently but insistently cupped her ass and pulled her closer to him, releasing a soft, throaty moan from her mouth into his.

His tongue tasted like lemon, and she smiled at the taste. In that moment, she was fairly certain she could spend the rest of her life exploring her senses with Peeta's body.

His taste was a mix of the tart lemon from his tongue, the slight tang of sweat starting to prickle along his neck, and a rich sweetness that seemed to be on the tip of her tongue, no matter where she kissed him.

His scent was the garlic bread from dinner, a fresh artist's canvas, and the outdoors that was probably the scent of his soap. The rich smell gave her visions of walking through the woods holding his hand.

His sounds were a combination of the soft hush of his breathing meeting her skin, the light smack his lips made as they explored her neck, and the quiet rustling of their clothes as they worked to wrap themselves closer around each other and eventually, removed their shirts. And every so often, she heard the hitch of his breath or even a moan as her hands and lips explored his chest.

His touch – the way he felt and the way he touched her - was simply amazing. His skin was soft underneath her but hard where muscle and bone met. Everywhere his skin touched hers lit a fire, and the only way to soothe the flames was to have more of his skin on hers. The way he touched her was soft at first, but his confidence grew and his hands found purpose, mapping every inch of her back, her stomach, her breasts.

The sight of him, next to her, under her, over her… she wished she had the strength to keep her eyes open to take it in, but she was easily overcome. His skin was fair and the freckles across his nose matched the ones on his shoulders. The dark golden expanse of hair across his chest narrowed down his navel and beyond, and she longed to explore where it led. His eyes were closed as she touched him and brushed the softest of kisses across his chest, and his face held a combination of tension and bliss as he had the unique sensation of feeling both lost and found all at once.

They stayed like that for hours, not pushing the other one farther than they thought the other was ready for, even though their bodies were humming with anticipation.

Eventually their pace slowed and their lips broke apart. He reached behind them to pull a soft green plaid blanket from the back of the sofa and arranged it so it covered them both. Every one of her senses was filled with _him_, and as she listened to his heart she hoped it had enough room inside for her. She fell asleep on his chest, lulled by the rise of his lungs with each breath, his chest a warm anchor tethering her to reality.

That night she dreamed of her meadow, with a soft orange sunset filling the sky, and Peeta's hand holding hers as they walked through the grass.

In the morning, she woke up to his mouth lightly on her neck, and the most beautiful smile she had seen from him yet. As he made coffee for them both, she called Prim to make sure everything was ok, because she had not intended on spending the night. She just felt so comfortable with him, and happy, and warm, and… loved?

_Slow down, Katniss._

Prim assured Katniss that she was fine, and Peeta decided that they should pick up some breakfast and take it back to her house for them to share with Prim. He spent the rest of the day at her house, perfectly content to just spend time with both of the Everdeen sisters. After they finished dinner, Prim insisted that she had to go to her room for homework, even though Katniss knew her little sister had completed it already. But Peeta stood up and explained that he should get going, because he still had to finish preparing his lesson plan for the week. Katniss walked him to his car. An hour later, she walked back in to the house. Prim took one look at her older sister's flushed cheeks, swollen lips and disheveled hair and burst into a fit of laughter.

"If you tell Gale anything, you're grounded," Katniss teased.

A week later, Prim was digging for details of their date tonight.

"Well, since I'll be at Myra's tonight, Peeta could spend the night here. I mean, if you wanted to," Prim said, trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably.

"I don't even know if he'd want to," Katniss said, suddenly feeling uncertain.

Now it was Prim's turn to snort. "Oh, believe me. _He wants to._"

Katniss's jaw dropped. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Prim smiled as she scooped up the last of her cereal. "I _mean_, he finds any excuse to touch you. He looks at you like you're the center of the universe. Oh! Did you see his phone? There's a picture of the two of you as his background. Trust me. _He wants to."_

"When did you see his phone?" Katniss asked.

When she had finished drinking the remains of her sugary milk from the bowl, Prim answered. "Last weekend when he was here. You two were flirting it up in the kitchen, and his phone was on the coffee table. I didn't have mine, and I wanted to see what time it was so I pressed the home button on his. Lo and behold, I see a selfie you two did, where he is kissing your neck and you're giggling. It was freaking adorable, Katniss."

Peeta had taken that picture on their second date, at the little bistro restaurant where he took her for brunch. She left for the bathroom and checked the mirror, noticing the red flush that seemed to be permanently etched on her cheeks whenever she was in Peeta's presence. Usually, she'd be annoyed at her body's reaction but that day, she did not seem to mind. When she returned, he'd taken her hand and pulled her on to his lap. He snuck soft kisses along her neck and jaw while he discreetly pulled his phone out. By the time she had realized that he was taking her picture, the flash had already gone off. She had pinched him on his side as punishment. He had liked it.

Katniss turned her attention to her now empty cereal bowl. "Don't think about Peeta and I spending the night together. Just… don't."

Prim chuckled lightly to herself before standing up and grabbing both of their bowls. "Okay, okay. I'm just saying that you have no limits whatsoever on whatever it is you two decide to do tonight. So enjoy it. Preferably more than once."

"PRIM!" Katniss shouted, turning white. Prim just skipped into her bedroom, giggling at her sister's embarrassed reaction.

Since that dose of humiliation with her breakfast, Katniss could not stop thinking about what it would mean if they took their relationship to the next level, physically. Was she ready? Was he? Never in her life had she been intimate with a man when so many feelings were involved. Everything before was just casual, nothing serious. A means to an end, really.

This was different. In the past two weeks, she felt a happiness that was unlike any she could remember ever experiencing. Even with her father. Even as a child. Because with Peeta, she was glowing. She was flying. She felt beautiful and happy and content and loved. _Loved?_

There was that word again.

When she thought about the word _love_, and everything entangled in its meaning, she felt a heaviness in her stomach bringing her back down to earth. It's not that love was bad, necessarily. She loved Prim. She loved Gale. She loved her dad. She had loved her mom. Her dad loved her mom. Her mom loved her dad.

But…

But when her dad died, that love turned into heartbreak and her mom was frozen from the inside out. Instead of thawing, she shattered. Katniss and Prim were frozen, too – Katniss shutting out the world as her heart grew brittle; Prim losing a fiery spark in her eyes that never returned but was replaced with the kind of wisdom that only hard times can bring. Both sisters had been saddled with more responsibility and heartbreak than they would ever be ready for.

Love meant the possibility of loss. If she lost Peeta, Katniss was already sure she would break. Love meant being vulnerable, and Katniss hated being vulnerable.

But…

But she had already been vulnerable with Peeta. She had already opened up to him so much, even in ways she never thought possible. It was somehow so easy to tell him anything, even the pain of her father's death and mother's abandonment and how the Everdeen sisters had struggled ever since. With Peeta, she felt as if many things were possible. He was different. _This_ was different.

She couldn't think of a reason to _not_ love Peeta.

She didn't know if she loved him, didn't know if it was too soon, didn't even know if she could love anyone in that way, but she realized that she wasn't scared to find out. She also realized that she wanted him to love her someday as well.

_Maybe I am ready._

* * *

Peeta picked her up a few hours later, and as he pulled his car out of her driveway, he asked if she was in the mood for pizza.

She shrugged. "Sure, from where?"

He smiled broadly, very pleased with himself. "From my kitchen, of course. I'm gonna teach you how to make pizza."

Her eyebrows lifted in mock indignation. "I know how to make pizza. I pick up the phone and I call Dominos, so they can deliver it to me."

Peeta sighed and shook his head. "Trust me, after you have homemade pizza, _my_ homemade pizza, you'll never want that shit again."

"That's a pretty bold statement, you know."

He shrugged. "Not if it's the truth."

She smiled and cocked her head towards him. "Is that a challenge?"

He smiled back. "Consider the gauntlet thrown."

* * *

"I see how it is. You just like putting women in the kitchen," Katniss teased.

"Just you. I can't help it, you look ridiculously cute in that apron."

She smirked, pulling at the 'Kiss the Chef' apron he had put on her. "Cute… that's what every girl wants to hear."

In less than an hour, they had already made the pizza dough, which was now formed in a ball and resting before it could be stretched to form the crust. A spicy, savory tomato sauce was bubbling on the stove, and they stood next to each other at his kitchen counter, chopping up pepperoni and vegetables for the toppings.

He put his knife down and walked up behind her until his chest was flush with her back and wrapped his arms around her waist. "How about… beautiful? Smart… brave… funny… a really good kisser, too," he murmured against the back of her neck.

"That's a bit better," she said, reaching behind her with her left hand to comb her fingers through his hair.

She felt his lips turn up into a smile against her spine. "I still say you're cute, though. In a really tough, sexy way."

She abandoned the food entirely and turned herself around in his arms. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Do you see that? You got your arm up above your shoulder!" Peeta said, smiling. "Does it hurt?"

She smiled back, realizing the progress she made without even realizing it. "No… it's a little stiff, but it doesn't hurt."

He squeezed her, eager to bring her even closer to her. "Haymitch is gonna be so proud," he teased.

She laughed. "Yay? Maybe he'll share his whiskey with me as a reward."

Peeta looked down at her lips. "I think I can come up with a better reward," he said before pressing his mouth to hers.

She didn't hesitate to kiss him back. She never did. She hoped she never would.

They ignored the vegetables waiting to be cut, and the ache in his knee, as well as his phone after it rang twice. In fact, the only thing that ended up breaking their heated kiss was the tomato sauce, bubbling hot as it splattered from the saucepan onto her back and his hands.

After the initial surprise and cursing, Peeta rinsed the droplets of sauce from his hands while Katniss tried to inspect the damage to her shirt. He led her to his bedroom, and as he dug an old T-shirt from his drawer she pulled the stained shirt off.

He smiled, and walked up to her, pulling her in to another embrace and leaning his head down to kiss her shoulder. "I don't suppose we could just have a topless dinner?"

"Maybe topless dessert?" she teased.

He lifted his head, unbridled excitement shining in his eyes. "Deal!"

After a quick kiss on the lips, he left her to change while he went back to the kitchen to clean up. She lifted his shirt – a soft, faded Boston Red Sox tee - over her head and slowly pulled it down. The shirt smelled like Peeta; of course it did. Even his scent alone made her feel happy, safe, and _loved_…

_DAMNIT_. _Calm down, Katniss._

She wasn't even sure that what she was feeling _was_ love, but she knew something was happening between her and Peeta that went beyond anything she had ever felt. Katniss decided right there that she would not, could not tell Peeta that she thought she might be falling in love, even if she wasn't sure that she knew what that felt like. At least, she couldn't tell him yet. She wasn't ready to be _that_ vulnerable yet, because the thought that he might not feel the same way felt like a knife twisting in her gut. But she could acknowledge to herself that she felt this way, and enjoy feeling this way. And for now, that was enough for her.

Katniss returned to the kitchen to find Peeta wiping down the counter with one hand, and holding his cell phone with the other. He looked up at her and smiled. "That shirt looks much better on you than it ever did on me."

Her cheeks flushed at the compliment. "Somehow, I doubt that."

He lifted the phone up. "My dad called three times in the last few minutes but didn't leave a message. I'm gonna call him back really quick to make sure everything is all right. Knowing him, he probably butt-dialed me."

She nodded and returned to the cutting board to finish dicing the vegetables. Peeta pressed a few buttons on his phone and stepped in to the living room, sitting himself on the old sofa with his back to Katniss. She kept her eyes on the movements of the knife, but glanced up every once in a while to look at him. She saw his shoulders start to slump, his head lower towards the floor, and his free hand start to rake haphazardly through his hair before settling on the back of his neck. She could not hear his conversation, but she could tell something was wrong.

Katniss put down the knife and walked out to the living room in time to hear him finish his call. She sat down next to him and placed her hand between his shoulder blades, lightly rolling her knuckles down his spine to release the tension that had not been there only moments before.

"Thanks, Dad. I love you." He pressed the end button on his cell phone, and placed it on the coffee table, staring at it in shock for a beat before looking at Katniss.

"My dad got a call from the social worker they dealt with when they adopted me. She wanted them to know that…" He paused, unsure of how to say the words.

She reached for his hands and held them tight. She hoped her hands conveyed what she was thinking but couldn't say. _You can tell me. I'm here for you. I'll be here for you._

He squeezed her hands back and took a deep breath. "My mother… my _birth_ mother died yesterday. She had cancer and… she died." He slumped against the back of the sofa and looked down at their joined hands.

She didn't know what to say or what could comfort him. She didn't even know if comfort was what he needed. This horrible woman, who abandoned her son who was already hurting from the loss of his father, was gone. But he hadn't felt her presence in many, many years, had he? His mother chose to live without her son, and Katniss did not think she deserved his sorrow.

But still, he was mourning her. The confusion, sadness and even hopelessness in his eyes cut through Katniss entirely, and the frown he wore seemed foreign on Peeta's face. She wanted to be there for him, as he had been there for her after her surgery. This time, she wanted to take care of him. She wrapped her arms around Peeta, pulling him down to lay on the sofa with her. He wrapped his arms around her hips and put his head on her chest. She still didn't know what to say.

So she sang to him softly, her fingers weaving through his hair. It was an old love song, one her dad used to sing to her mom when he used to sneak up behind her and serenade her in their kitchen.

Just as the day he first heard Katniss's voice, Peeta's breath hitched at the sound. The tension slowly left his body as he listened to her voice, as beautiful as he remembered. He closed his eyes and lost himself in her voice until he fell asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks again to everyone who is reading this story! And HUGE thanks to for-prim, for being an awesome beta and friend and beta-ing this chapter in less than a day even though she is on vacation right now. _

* * *

Katniss woke up around two a.m. the next morning, and it took a few moments for her to remember that she fell asleep with Peeta on his sofa. She would have remembered where she was right away if he had been lying next to her, as he had when she fell asleep. But the worn leather next to her was cold, and the blanket she had draped over them was carefully wrapped around her alone.

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she sat up and looked around Peeta's darkened apartment. The only indication of his whereabouts was a dim light coming from his bedroom, so she stood up and softly walked towards it, her sock-clad feet padding silently along the hardwood floor.

There was no sign of him in his bedroom when she entered, and she turned to leave before noticing his closet door was open. She peered around the edge of the door and saw him, sitting cross-legged on the floor with a worn photo album spread open across his lap. His fingers hesitantly touched the edge of what looked to be an old family portrait. But instead of the group photo she had seen on his computer's desktop, this was a different group of people. A broad, sandy-haired man with a wide smile stood in the middle with his arms outstretched. Nestled next to him on the right was a small, thin woman with dark blonde hair pulled into a tight bun, a reserved smile on her face. On his left was a young towheaded boy who stood on a chair to make himself reach his father's arm, who smiled broadly at the camera, showing off at least one missing tooth.

"You sure were a cute kid," Katniss said softly.

Peeta jumped, too lost in his own thoughts for once to be aware of her presence. He smiled sadly at her and stretched his hand out to invite her to sit next to him. She sat down and pulled her knees up to her chest, leaning her head down on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her hips and pulled her closer.

"I was seven years old here. This was taken the day that the bakery was officially owned by my father. He had been running it for years, but the owner finally retired and sold it to him. He was so proud. And my mother and I were so proud of him. Less than a year later, he was dead," Peeta said. "This is the only picture I have of them."

Katniss didn't know what to say, but she knew enough to know that words weren't enough to take away his pain. She placed her hand on his knee and lightly drew circles on his leg with her finger, encouraging him to continue.

"When I turned eighteen, I considered finding my mom. I was about to graduate from high school, and I'd just been accepted to college on a partial scholarship. I guess that I just felt like my life was going so well that… I don't know. I was just so angry at her, even after all those years. I think I wanted to rub it in her face. To show her that I became something without her, _despite_ her."

Katniss turned to look at him. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his lip curled up in an expression of disgust. It seemed so unlike Peeta to want to shove his successes down someone's throat and unleash his anger on them, but it felt like a completely natural instinct. To be honest, it was something Katniss would dream of doing. In fact, she would have probably done the same to her own mother by now, if it had not meant actually being in the same room with her.

"Did you?" she asked.

He shook his head quickly. "No, thankfully no. When I talked to my parents about contacting the social worker to find out where my mom was, they talked to me about it. I told them that I wanted to find her and show her that I made it without her, and I remember how they looked at me when I said it. It was like they were sad, but not because of my past. They were sad because of how I was acting right at that moment, because of all the pain and anger I still felt over my mother."

Katniss was confused – why _wouldn't_ he still be upset? In her eyes, Peeta had every right to be angry with his mother until the end of time.

He continued, sensing her hesitation. "My mom explained that by holding on to my anger, I was holding myself back. She told me this quote that she loved – 'holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else' because you're the one who gets burned. I spent so much time and energy being mad about what happened – how my father died, how my mother pushed me away – that I had trouble accepting all of the wonderful things that had happened to me since. If I could let go of all that anger and resentment, it would make room in my heart for the happiness that I wanted."

She turned her gaze from Peeta's eyes to the family picture on his lap. When Peeta had told her the story of his birth parents, she was upset for him and thought of all the things he could have had if only his father never died and his mother never rejected him. She didn't know how _she_ could let go of the anger she felt for him, and she had no idea how he was able to.

"And did you?" she asked. "_Could_ you let go of the anger?"

He placed the photo album on the floor and placed his hand on top of hers. "Yeah. I mean, not right away. It wasn't like a switch I could flip off. But I found a way to move on, and I think it was the best thing I could have done for myself."

She flipped her hand over in his to entwine their fingers. "How did you do it?"

He exhaled, and then drew their hands up to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand.

"I forgave her."

* * *

Peeta spent most of the next couple of days on the phone, making arrangements. A dutiful son to the end, he discovered that no funeral arrangements had been made – no one had even come to claim her from the morgue yet, despite her passing three days prior.

He learned that before her passing, after an eight-month-long battle with breast cancer, she had worked as an office manager in a marketing firm about three hours away from their old house. Not long after she took Peeta to the orphanage, she sold their house and everything in it and moved away to a small apartment. It seemed that she wanted nothing to remind her of the life she had, the husband she lost, or the son she left behind. She never remarried, and she never had another child. Her own parents – Peeta's grandparents, whom he had very vague memories of - had passed away years ago, and she was their only child. She died alone in a small hospital bed a few months after refusing a second round of chemotherapy.

It didn't take long for Peeta to put together the funeral arrangements – just a couple of hours and half a dozen phone calls. It would be simple – just a small graveside service with Peeta and anyone else who wanted to come, even though he told Katniss that he feared his birth mother had no one else in her life who would want to come and pay their respects to her.

As soon as the date for the service had been set for the following Saturday, he called his parents and Delly, who assured him that they wanted to be there with him for support. When he finished calling them and leaned back to rest his head against the sofa, Katniss saw a small smile break through the sadness on his face, from her view in the kitchen as she made a fresh cup of tea for him. The support of his family had made him feel safe, and the little bit of comfort it provided made her want to give him a smile, too. Katniss wasn't sure if she was invited, or if he needed or wanted her support. But before she could allow herself to question these uncertainties in her head for too long, she found herself speaking out loud.

"Peeta… Can I… " she said, fumbling for words and finding none. Katniss looked down at her feet and tugged on the end of her braid in frustration. She could feel his eyes on her and forced herself to ask.

"Can I come? I didn't know her… I mean, obviously… _shit_. I mean, I want to be there. For you. If that's all right with you."

It took him less than three seconds for him to jump over the back of the sofa and rush into the kitchen, where he pulled her into his arms before she could even drop the end of her braid. He leaned his head down and exhaled against her neck, sending a warm rush down her spine.

"Yes," he whispered, his voice shaky. "Please come. I didn't want to ask. I didn't want you to feel obligated or anything. It's just that I'm scared, and I don't want to admit that to anyone else. I don't know if I would be able to get through it without you there."

She leaned her head back to look into his eyes, now threatening to spill over with tears, and wrapped her arms around his waist to draw his body closer. "You won't have to. I'll be there."

* * *

Peeta drove upstate with his parents the following Friday morning to settle his birth mother's estate and make other last minute arrangements that could only be done in person. Delly had appointments all day Friday but would drive up first thing Saturday morning. Katniss offered to come up with Peeta, but he insisted that she not take the day off of work. She compromised by agreeing to wait until Friday evening to meet them. Once Prim learned what had happened, she insisted on coming up with Katniss as well, and they were able to find a good deal on a room at the hotel Peeta and his family were staying at. He had offered to pay for their room, but she refused. Not just because she didn't want him to think that she could not pay for herself, but because she didn't want him to think she felt obligated to be there. As Katniss had reassured him several times that week, she and Prim were coming because they _wanted_ to.

Katniss finished her work just after 6:30 pm that Friday. She had hoped to leave a bit earlier, but as usual there was too much to do. She refused to complain, though – the extra work had made her job even more secure since Seneca claimed he was too busy to handle the extra paperwork and administrative duties caused by the flurry of activity Katniss had generated to make him look productive to his superiors. The additional overtime had also allowed Katniss to buy a prom dress for Prim, their hotel room for that weekend, and a simple black shift dress and flats for Katniss to wear to the funeral. The last time Katniss had worn a dress was to her father's funeral, and she had ended up selling that a few weeks later for grocery money.

By the time Katniss had gone home, made a quick dinner, packed up, and wrangled Prim into the car, it was past 7:30. She texted Peeta from the driveway to let him know they were on the way. The sisters made small talk on the way, each trying not to let thoughts of the last funeral they had attended pull them under quite yet. This weekend was not about them or their father. Katniss asked Prim about the plans for prom, and even though it was still two weeks away, Prim had more than enough details ready to keep the conversation going throughout the drive.

They arrived at the small hotel just before midnight. The front desk clerk offered information about local attractions and the hours of the hotel pool, but Katniss smiled and declined. The clerk signed them in and handed them their key cards for their room on the first floor, then gave Katniss a small envelope.

"Another hotel guest left this for you, Ms. Everdeen. He asked that you let him know when you've arrived," the clerk explained.

She opened the envelope to find another hotel key, with a note wrapped around it.

_Katniss,_

_I hope you arrived safely. If you're not too tired, will you drop by my room when you get in? I miss you._

_Peeta – Room 313_

Prim saw the room key from the envelope and didn't even need to read the note to guess who it was from. She took Katniss's duffel bag from her sister's hand, and nodded her head towards the elevator. "Tell him hi for me," she said with a smile, and then walked down the hall to their room with their bags in tow.

Katniss watched Prim until she saw her little sister enter their room safely, and wondered if she should go to their room first to freshen up, or at least brush her teeth. She wasn't worried about Peeta seeing her after a long drive, but the idea of possibly meeting his parents and seeing Delly again with tired eyes and gas station coffee on her breath did make her nervous.

After a moment's hesitation, she dug around in her backpack and found a couple of mints in the front pocket, and used her hands to smooth the flyaway hairs that unraveled themselves from her braid. By the time the elevator reached the third floor, she felt she was as presentable as she was able to make herself under the circumstances.

Peeta's room was tucked in at the end of the hall, and she stood outside the door for a moment, listening for voices from the other side. Katniss only heard silence so she knocked, then remembered the key in her hand. She opened the door and slipped quietly into the dimly lit room.

The television was on, but the sound was off. The flickering light from what looked like an infomercial was the only light in the room, other than the nightlight in the small bathroom. But the television gave just enough light for her to see Peeta sitting up from the bed, rubbing his eyes and smiling when he saw her.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Katniss said as she closed the door behind her.

"You didn't," he said as he rose from the bed and walked towards her. "I was waiting for you. I just had to rest my eyes for a minute."

She smiled and walked into his outstretched arms. He was still dressed for the day, in a light gray long-sleeved button-down shirt that had been untucked from his dark blue jeans. His shoes had been kicked off, and she smiled when she looked down and saw the small hole on the toe of his right sock. Before she could tease him about it, he took her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. She slid her arms around his waist and returned the kiss, trying to convey everything she wanted him to know. _I can't promise you it's going to be okay, but I can promise you I'll be here for you._

Peeta kissed her passionately but desperately – he held on to her as if she was a lifeline, and he was trying to stay afloat. Reluctantly he broke away and kissed her forehead.

"I missed you," he mumbled against her skin.

Katniss smiled. "I missed you. But I'm here now."

"Can you stay for a little bit?" he asked.

She nodded. "I can stay as long as you want."

He pulled back to look at her. "Is Prim okay in the room?"

She nodded. "She's fine. And she knows where I am, if she needs me."

"Stay with me?" he asked, and she hated to hear that desperate longing in his voice, because didn't he already know the answer?

_Always_, she thought, but those words caught in her throat. _Now's not the time to tell him you love him_, she chided herself. So she nodded. He smiled softly and pulled her towards the bed.

Without words but keeping their eyes on each other, they slowly undressed. He removed her shoes, then her socks. She unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled off the white undershirt from his torso and off his shoulders. He lifted her sweatshirt off of her, then her tank top, and unbuttoned her jeans before pushing them down her hips. She did the same to his jeans and reached down to help him out of his socks. He pulled the bedspread back and slid under the covers, watching her as she reached behind her back and released the clasp on her bra before joining him.

This was as exposed as they had ever been with each other, and for a moment they were content to simply hold each other, relishing the feel of skin against skin. They both wanted more, but they knew that tonight was not the night for that. Tonight, the air was thick with sadness, and they wanted the comfort that only each other's presence and enfolded arms could bring.

Peeta reached behind her head and slipped the elastic band off of the end of her braid, and unraveled it with his fingers. Katniss pressed her lips to his collarbone and kissed him there, then asked how he was feeling.

"Better now."

After a few minutes, he told her about his day. He had spent the morning with his parents at the funeral home, making final decisions and paying for the service. The mortician asked if he wanted to view his mother's body, but he declined.

As his mother's only next-of-kin, he was given the key to her apartment and some documents from the attorney handling her estate. She did not leave a will, but she had a few possessions which legally now belonged to Peeta. Her apartment was rented, but she owned her car and furniture and some personal items, as well as a small insurance policy as part of the benefits from her employment. Peeta arranged for everything to be sold, with proceeds going to the orphanage to buy toys and blankets for all of the kids.

They visited her apartment to take pictures of items for insurance. But Peeta admitted he was also curious about the life she had led since leaving him. There was a small collection of well-worn books: a few mystery novels, which Peeta had vague recollections of her enjoying, some mass-media paperbacks of various fiction as well. There were a couple of books relating to breast cancer and navigating the world of diagnosis, prognosis, and hopeful recovery. The surprising discovery was that a fair amount of her book collection was dedicated to various religions and self-help books. The major volumes of Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, and more were there, as well as several guides to interpreting and reading them. The self-help books were focused on achieving inner peace, moving on after traumatic events, and finding forgiveness and acceptance.

He wondered if she had searched for answers in religion before or after she feared she was dying, and if the forgiveness she sought was for her abandonment of him. But Peeta realized that he didn't need his mother to be sorry for what she did in order to forgive her. His forgiveness was for his own benefit, not hers. He still hoped that she found the answers she was looking for before she passed, for her own sake of peace.

The only item he kept from her house was a tattered, yellowed envelope that was stuffed in to her nightstand drawer. It held dozens of pictures of his birth family, which he showed to Katniss – his father showing a pint-sized Peeta how to knead bread, his mother and father's wedding photo, a picture of his mother holding Peeta, hours after he was born. His mother had held on to them for her own memories, and now it was Peeta's turn to enjoy them and remember.

As Peeta told her everything, Katniss helped him the only way she knew how. She rubbed his back and combed her fingers through his hair to relax him. She held on to him to make him feel warm and safe. She listened to him as he told her his insecurities to let him know that he wasn't alone. She kissed him so that he knew he was wanted and loved.

_Yes, loved._

Part of her wanted to tell him her feelings, to let him know how loved he was. She didn't, though. He was exposed and emotionally susceptible, and she was afraid he would say it back to her in the midst of his own vulnerability and then regret it later.

If he said it to her and didn't mean it, she feared she would break and never mend.

She scolded herself for thinking of her own vulnerability when she should have been comforting Peeta. She pushed thoughts of love from her mind and skated her fingertips along his collarbone and neck until his breathing slowed, then drew the letters I L-O-V-E Y-O-U on his chest as he fell asleep with her wrapped in his arms.

The next morning, Katniss woke up before he did. He looked so peaceful; she didn't want to wake him up, because she had seen in the dark circles under his eyes and the little lines forming between his eyebrows that proved he had not been sleeping well all week. But she didn't want him to think that she had disappeared, so after she got dressed she kissed him lightly on the lips and told him she was heading downstairs to check on Prim and get cleaned up. He kissed her several more times and asked her and Prim to join him and his family for breakfast in an hour. After breakfast, they would all carpool to the service. She was nervous – she'd barely had a boyfriend before and never met one's parents – but she'd rather do it at breakfast instead of a cemetery.

Downstairs, Prim opened the door to their room for Katniss after undoing the chain lock, as her big sister had insisted that she do. Prim had started a pot of coffee in the small percolator on top of their room's mini-fridge and had already showered. It did not take long for Katniss to shower and get dressed in the simple black dress and flats for the service. Prim convinced her to wear her hair down and add a light touch of makeup and lent her a necklace of a small bird in flight suspended on a delicate gold chain.

The sisters walked hand-in-hand to the lobby, where Katniss had agreed to meet up with Peeta and his family. They found him sitting on a sofa facing the front desk, playing with his tie and listening to Delly, who was sitting next to him and seemed to be talking a mile a minute. When Peeta spotted them, he stood up to greet them with the biggest smile Katniss had seen on him in a week.

The four of them greeted each other with hugs, and it was no surprise to Katniss that Delly and Prim hit it off immediately. Like Prim, Delly seemed to be kind and open and loving, and Katniss again felt the sting of embarrassment she had in wrongly assuming Delly was Peeta's girlfriend. They stood around the lobby making small talk and waiting for Peeta's parents, and as Delly and Prim complimented each other's outfits, Peeta leaned his lips down to Katniss's ear and whispered, "You look beautiful. Why don't you wear skirts more often?"

She blushed and whispered back, "Because this is the only one I own."

He smiled. "Do I look okay?" She stepped back slightly and took him in. He was wearing a slim-cut charcoal gray suit, white shirt and plain black tie. It was simple, it was solemn, it was perfect. And she told him so.

His parents met them in the lobby shortly after, and both gave her and Prim a hug instead of a handshake. Katniss recognized Jim and Marilyn Mellark from their picture on Peeta's computer, but they somehow looked even friendlier in person, even on the day of this most dreary occasion. Peeta introduced Katniss to them as his girlfriend, and she had to bite down on her lip to keep her exuberance in check.

They took two cars to a small café nearby for breakfast. Katniss was surprised at how easy it was to talk to Peeta's family – every word and smile was intended to make her and Prim feel welcome. They asked about her shoulder and her job at the park, and they asked Prim about school and her plans for prom. Peeta didn't shy away from physical affection with Katniss around his family, and she felt bashful until she saw the happy look in his parents' eyes as they watched their son and his girlfriend together.

Eventually, it was time for the service. Peeta, Katniss, and Prim went with Delly in her car, and Mr. and Mrs. Mellark drove in theirs. The drive to the cemetery was only a few miles, and Delly and Prim chatted in the front while Peeta and Katniss sat in silence in the back. He held her hand and traced his thumb over her knuckles while she leaned her head against his shoulder.

His birth mother, Rosemary Phillips, was buried in a small plot on a north-facing hill in the cemetery. It overlooked a large field of wildflowers and brush that was at the edge of farmland, and Peeta had picked the spot so that she would have a view of the sunrise and sunset every day. Delly placed her hand on the casket and bowed her head in silent prayer. When she finished, she stepped back and said, "Helen Keller said, 'What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.' Mrs. Phillips, I want to thank you for my brother. We love him so much."

Jim and Marilyn had brought flowers, and they each said a prayer and whispered "thank you for our son" before laying them on the casket.

Katniss felt ashamed that she had not brought anything or prepared any words. She wracked her brain for something to say when Prim grasped her hand and led her forward to the casket. Following her little sister's lead, Katniss placed her hand on the smooth wooden lid and bowed her head.

Was it wrong for Katniss to be angry with a woman she had never met? It didn't matter really, because she would never meet Rosemary Phillips or be able to defend Peeta to her. But standing there, as Prim held her hand and Peeta came up next to her so slide his arm around her waist, her heart felt full with love and Katniss did not have it in her to be angry anymore. She whispered to the casket, "I'll take care of him."

Prim walked back to her place next to Delly and the Mellarks, but Katniss stood next to Peeta. He placed his other hand on the casket as everyone before him had, but he didn't close his eyes in prayer or reflection. He looked up at the field before them and said, "You'll like it here, Mother. There are lots of wildflowers, and you always liked those the best. And I remember how you hated loud noises, and your neighbors here seem pretty quiet."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry I didn't get to know you more, and that you didn't get to know me. But I know it's not my fault. Just know that I am happy, and I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, or the people in it. And that I forgive you, even if you didn't care about being forgiven. It doesn't change the past, but it does change my future."

He slid his hand from the casket, and wiped the tears from his face. Katniss pulled him into a hug and he returned it fiercely, grabbing at her as he allowed himself to cry against her hair. Before they knew it, everyone else was hugging them, too, and they all stood there for a minute in a group hug, crying and being thankful for one another's presence in their lives.

* * *

"_When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future." – Bernard Meltzer_

"_Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." – Buddha_

_Check me out on tumblr (fnurfnur), where I answer questions and comments about this story, and do a "More Info" about every chapter a few hours after it is posted. I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter – reviews are extremely appreciated! Thanks for reading._


	13. Chapter 13

_My apologies for the long wait for this chapter, but life and writer's block was not cooperating. Huge thanks to for-prim for stellar beta-ing, as always._

* * *

The first time she thought about it was at lunch after the funeral, after they all decided to grab some burgers and have a picnic in Peeta's hotel room. Before Peeta, Katniss would never have considered an idea as unfathomable to her as making peace with her past – specifically, her mother. But now she found the thoughts creeping in to her head, unbidden.

During their hotel room picnic, Delly, Prim and Mr. Mellark claimed the bed, kicking off their dress shoes and spreading their food before them. Mrs. Mellark took the small desk in the corner of the hotel room, and Peeta and Katniss spread out a bath towel on the floor to use as a makeshift picnic blanket.

The invisible weight of grief that had pressed heavily on Peeta's shoulders all week seemed to have lifted, and Katniss was able to observe him relax around his family. It was obvious they loved him deeply, even as they shared embarrassing stories about his childhood to tease him in front of Katniss and Prim. His mom glowed when she reminisced about the time that Peeta had wanted to give her a bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day, but he had already spent his allowance on a new set of oil pastels which he had been saving up for. So he went to the neighbor's yard and picked off all of the flowers from their magnolia tree. When he presented them to his mom and she asked where they were from, he told the truth and added, "I figured her yard was the best, because you don't like her anyway."

Katniss watched Peeta as he laughed and told a few embarrassing stories about them as well. He smiled without hesitation, and for a brief moment she remembered what it was like to be surrounded by family members who loved her.

Of course Prim had always been there, and there was no question that the two sisters loved each other fiercely. And Katniss's father had loved them, of course. Their mother had too, before… well. Katniss refused to dwell on that right now. If there was anything that day had shown her, it was how important it was to move on from the pain of the past, as Peeta did when he forgave his mother.

_Wait._

_No._

Katniss tried to shake the thought from her head. After all, her situation with her mom and Peeta's with his birth mother was completely different, wasn't it?

At least, Peeta was definitely different. He was the kind of person who could forgive the terrible things his mother did. It also helped that he was now in a loving, supportive family environment, while Katniss was the sole provider for the Everdeen girls, still scraping to pay bills more often than not and working her ass off to make sure Prim didn't go without.

This self-drawn conclusion and the huff of self-righteousness that accompanied it allowed Katniss to temporarily push the thoughts of forgiveness to the back of her mind as she concentrated on the present. Once everyone had finished their lunch, they collectively decided that it was time to drive back home. Prim agreed to drive on the return trip since Katniss drove the evening before, and Delly convinced Peeta to drive back in her car, so they could catch up. Mr. and Mrs. Mellark - or rather, Jim and Marilyn, as they repeatedly insisted she and Prim call them - invited them to come to their place for dinner that evening. Prim had excitedly accepted for them before Katniss was even able to form the word "yes" in her mouth.

* * *

The second time Katniss thought about it was that evening. Peeta picked them up in the last hours of the afternoon and drove them to his parents' house, just a short drive away. Their home was like a suburban dream, right down to the gleaming white picket fence and well-used rocking chairs on the front porch. The smell of old books and home cooking greeted them when they walked in, and Katniss smiled as she recognized a young Peeta in many of the family photos adorning the walls.

After a delicious dinner of lasagna and cheese buns (which Marilyn made a point to let Katniss know that Peeta had said they were her favorite), Katniss and Jim cleaned up while the others pulled out some playing cards. They fell into an easy rhythm – Jim washing, Katniss drying – and chuckled lightly as they heard the others arguing over which game to play.

"Your sister is adorable, you know," Jim said to her with a wink.

Katniss felt a laugh bubble up in her chest. "Yes, and she knows it, too."

Jim barked with laughter. "Sounds like our Delly. I think those two are becoming fast friends. You know, she always wanted a little sister. If I recall correctly, she was really upset when we adopted Peeta instead of a little girl. She even tried to dress him up in her old dresses one time."

Katniss laughed so hard she had to clutch the edge of the countertop when picturing an adolescent Peeta in a frilly dress. Jim laughed with her, and told her more stories of Delly and Peeta from years ago. Before they finished the dishes, Katniss found herself sharing stories of her and Prim from when they were younger.

"Sounds like you two are very close," Jim observed as he washed the last pot.

Katniss nodded. "We are. We're all we have, really."

Jim stopped, and turned to her. His kind green eyes crinkled at the corners as he softly smiled at her. "That's not true anymore, you know. You both have friends. You have Peeta. You have us, too."

She fumbled trying to find a response, and wrung the dishtowel in her hands. "I… don't know what to say. Thank you. I guess I'm not used to being part of a big family. Or any family, anymore."

He nodded solemnly. "Peeta told us about your father, and we were so terribly sorry to hear that." She nodded and pulled her lower lip between her teeth. When people apologized to her for her father's death, she was never sure what to say. He cleared his throat before continuing. "I hope you don't mind that I'm asking, but have you talked to your mother since… well…"

"Since she left?" Katniss suggested. He nodded. "No, I haven't. I don't have anything to say to her."

"What about Prim?" he asked.

"No. I mean, not that I know of. Mom abandoned both of us." Katniss said.

Jim hesitated, seemingly unsure about his next words. "I bet she misses you both. I'd miss my kids like crazy."

Katniss stiffened a bit. "Something tells me you wouldn't have left. You'd be there for them."

"I'd sure like to think so," Jim said. "But no one can really predict how they react in the face of terrible grief. Sometimes, things happen to people and they're not equipped to deal with them."

Katniss had never thought of it that way before. She nodded, and Jim smiled softly before returning to finish rinsing the last pot. They finished their task with a weighted silence between them.

It turned out that Delly and Prim made an unstoppable team when playing spades, and it wasn't long before Peeta and Marilyn refused to play against them anymore. Jim and Katniss joined in eventually, and they played a few rounds of poker until almost midnight. Eventually, Jim and Marilyn excused themselves for bed, claiming they were "too old to party this late." Everyone said their goodbyes, and Peeta drove the girls home. He and Katniss held hands on the entire drive home. Prim noticed, and smiled to herself.

As soon as he pulled his car up to curb, Prim bounced out of the car. "I'll see you guys inside!" she sang over her shoulder.

Katniss smiled at her sister's transparent intentions. She turned to Peeta and asked, "So, will you come inside?"

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Of course."

She squeezed his hand back. "Stay the night?"

He exhaled and smiled before leaning in to her, using his free hand to trace her jaw. "I really was hoping you'd ask," he whispered.

She kissed him lightly on the lips and whispered back, "Let's go, then." He smiled and jumped out of the car, rushing around to open her door before she could. Normally, such acts of chivalry would annoy Katniss. She hated the presumption that she needed anyone to do anything for her or that she was so weak that she needed help with her door. But she couldn't deny that the look he gave her whenever he opened a door for her always drew a smile from her in return, because he looked at her like she was a gift on Christmas morning.

He paused to grab a backpack from the backseat, and Katniss let out a quick laugh. "A bit presumptuous, were you?"

He shrugged and wrapped his arm around her waist. "More like really, really hopeful."

They walked in together and found Prim stretched out on the sofa and flipping through channels. She turned her head and spotted them together, and a huge smile broke over her face. Peeta flashed Prim a thumbs-up and thought it was subtle, but Katniss still saw it.

"You guys want to watch a 'Real Housewives' marathon?" Prim asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Good God, no. You have fun, though," said Katniss, pulling Peeta down the hall towards her bedroom. This time, it was Prim who gave Peeta a thumbs-up. Peeta didn't see it, his eyes on Katniss ahead of him.

Katniss pulled him in to her room and closed the door behind them. Peeta laid his bag down by the dresser just as Katniss came up behind him, pressing her chest against his back and wrapping her arms around him.

"How are you? Really, I mean," she asked softly.

He shifted in her arms and turned around, bringing his hands up to run through her hair. "I'm okay - _really_. I'm glad the funeral is over, honestly. I'm glad I could make that happen – my father would have wanted me to. I guess it brings closure to everything. There's no more thinking 'what if she ever came back into my life,' and it made me feel like forgiving her was the right decision - for me, at least. She never knew I forgave her, and I don't know if she would care. But like I said, I didn't do it for her."

She nodded, turning his words over in her head as she once again became distracted by thoughts of her mom. Would she ever be able to let go of the anger she felt towards her mom? What would it feel like to be free of the resentment that had been Katniss's constant companion for the past four years? Did her mom deserve the forgiveness of her daughters?

Peeta saw the faraway look in her eyes and kissed her forehead softly. "What's up?" he asked.

She wasn't ready to talk about the idea of forgiving her mom – not tonight. All she wanted to do right now was to fall asleep in his arms, in her bed. "Just thinking about what you said. And… I'm tired."

He closed his eyes and nodded emphatically. "Me too. Let's go to bed."

As they did the previous night, they undressed each other without fanfare, just comforted by the lack of walls and nerves between them. When they were stripped down to only their underwear, she pulled on his hand and led him to her bed, waiting until he settled in before getting under the covers and settling her head on his broad chest. He sighed into her hair and drew lazy circles and lines over her shoulder and back. She felt her head rise and fall with the motions of his chest, and her cheeks tickled over the light dusting of hair on his chest when she smiled.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked.

"For today. Last night. Everything." She smiled again and pressed herself flush against him until their legs were wrapped tightly together.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" he asked, drawing what felt like a picture along the space between her shoulder blades.

She didn't know exactly what to say. _Thank you for making me feel loved and being someone I can love… thank you for being wonderful… thank you for kissing me… for introducing yourself to me…_

"Just… thank you," she finally said.

At some point a restful sleep took them both, although neither was sure who slept first. Both fell asleep feeling as if they were exactly where they were supposed to be.

It was mid-morning when Katniss woke up; the sunlight was streaming into the room through curtained windows just enough to show the outline of Peeta's body wrapped around hers and the glow of his hair against her pillow. She smiled, realizing that when she slept with him, she _really_ slept – no nightmares, no restless nights.

Of course, it would be nice to do more than just sleep.

Katniss would be lying if she said she wasn't craving the feel of Peeta's skin against hers for more than just comfort. When they touched, she wanted more and felt a hunger for him stirring deep inside her. But his birth mother's death had put a pause on everything in his life, and Katniss didn't want to move forward until the weight of her death had passed and they were both ready. Only Peeta could tell her when he was.

She was lost in her thoughts of him until she felt his fingers twitching against her back. She watched him as he started to wake – the quickening of his breath, the slow stretch of his muscles as he came into consciousness, the fluttering of his eyelids as he struggled to adjust his eyes to the morning light, and the slow but brilliant smile that overtook his face as he saw her looking at him.

"Good morning, beautiful," he said, his voice husky from sleep. The timbre of his voice sent a slight tickling down her spine.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well? This mattress isn't the best…" Katniss said, but was cut off by his lips pressed against her mouth.

"I slept great," he mumbled against her mouth between kisses. "I always sleep better with you."

She smiled against his lips. "Me too."

His lips drifted down to her jaw. "I wake up better with you, too."

She inhaled sharply as she felt his tongue make its way under her chin and towards her neck. "Yeah… me too. This is a nice way to wake up."

"Mm-hmm." Peeta's mouth explored her neck, and lightly sucked on the soft flesh above her collarbones as he rolled over, shifting himself on top of her until she sank into the mattress underneath them and felt the hardness between his hips brush her leg.

_Oh._

Her fingers curled, reaching for more and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her hands in his hair. The feel of her nails against his scalp made him moan against her skin, and the vibrations it sent through her body made her toes curl involuntarily.

Wrapping his right arm behind her head to steady himself, he placed his hand on her shoulder and slowly drew it down, ghosting over the softness of her breast, the valley of her waist, the rise of her hips. As his fingers explored, so did his mouth – placing gentle kisses over her heart and slow licks along the rise of her breasts.

Each movement of his body – his fevered mouth, his emboldened hands, his patient hips – elicited a reaction in hers. She arched her back to fill his mouth with the swell of her nipple. Her knees drew up of their own accord, and the arches of her feet slid up the taught muscles of his legs. He reached behind him with his left arm and drew her knee up and around his hips, pulling them closer together. Once her legs were clenched around him, his hand moved back to her left breast as his lips sought attention with her right. Her blood raced through her body, electrified.

His mouth traveled left, and his free hand moved down, smoothing his calloused fingers against the gentle slopes of her stomach to the delicate edge of her panties. He spread his hand against her hip and slowly slid his thumb underneath the cotton seam. Her legs tightened around him and she pushed her eager hips up, feeling the firm pressure of his erection brushing up against exactly where she wanted his attention.

She wanted him to keep going, to chase this feeling until they were both consumed with fire.

"Peeta," she gasped.

"Katniss," he moaned.

"KATNISS!" Prim screamed from the other room.

"WHAT?!" Katniss and Peeta yelled, exasperated.

They heard Prim's footsteps rushing until she was right outside the bedroom door. "I'm sorry! But the washing machine is leaking everywhere, I need help!"

_Shitfuckdamnitballsassfuck!_

"Be right there," she yelled back as Peeta sat up and looked for his t-shirt on the floor. She grabbed her robe and threw it over her back, tightening the belt around her waist as she watched Peeta struggle with his clothes. Particularly, the very prominent tent in his boxers.

"You go on… I need a minute," he grumbled. She nodded quickly and rushed out into the hall, closing the door behind her.

Prim stood down the hall, struggling to pull the washer out enough to reach behind it. Soapy water was steadily leaking out of the bottom of the noisy machine, soaking the thin carpet of the floor. She saw Katniss rushing towards her, and gave her an apologetic look.

"I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't know what to do!" Prim whispered.

"It's okay, it's okay. Let's move this together," Katniss said, and they shimmied the leaking machine away from the wall until there was enough space for Prim to slide her arm back and unplug it. The machine stopped making noises, but some water was still spilling out. "Go grab all of the towels we have and start soaking up the water. I'm gonna try to reach a repair person who works Sundays."

Katniss was flipping through the phone book when Peeta emerged and looked down the hall at the soaked mess of towels on the floor. He grabbed every dishtowel and sponge from the kitchen and helped Prim work on the mess until they had dried the floor as much as they could. When they finished, Katniss brought their old space heater from the hall closet and set it up on a dry area of carpet, stacked on top of the phone book. They aimed it at the wet area and turned it on, and then all three sat on the floor outside of Katniss's room.

"Peeta, I don't suppose you know how to fix a broken washer?" asked Prim.

He shook his head. "That wasn't really included in art school training. My dad taught me how to work on cars, but I think I'd do more damage than good to the washing machine."

Katniss shrugged. "I found someone anyway. He's on a job but said he'd be here sometime in the next two to three hours."

Peeta stretched his legs in front of him then stood up. "How about this – I'll take the laundry you have left, plus these towels to my house and put them in the wash, then bring back breakfast for all of us."

"You don't need to do that," Katniss protested.

He smiled. "I know. But I'm hungry, and you don't have stuff to make pancakes in your kitchen. You need to wait here for the repair guy. And I'm pretty sure Prim can't wear pajamas to school tomorrow."

She frowned. "You sure?"

He kneeled down and kissed her. "I'm sure. I'll be back in half an hour. Then we'll have breakfast, and Prim can come back with me to grab the laundry. Sound good, Prim?" Prim nodded, embarrassed but grateful. Both girls stood up and grabbed the remains of their laundry, tying them up in the cloth sack that served as Katniss's hamper. He grabbed the bag and casually flung it over his shoulder with a wink to Katniss. "I'll be back. Then I'll make the pancakes, you make the coffee."

Katniss and Prim sat on the sofa, listening to his Jeep drive down the street. When the sound of the engine disappeared, Prim turned to Katniss. "I interrupted something, didn't I?" she mumbled.

Katniss groaned and grabbed a throw pillow from the sofa and hid her face in it. "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, God. I'm sorry. Were you… nevermind. I don't want to know," Prim said.

"Good, because I don't want to tell you," Katniss said, muffled through the pillow.

It wasn't long before Peeta returned with a bag full of ingredients from his kitchen. The three of them worked together in the kitchen and soon had breakfast whipped up before them. Katniss was on her third stack of pancakes when the repairman came by, and it only took him a couple of minutes to diagnose the problem as a cracked drain hose. It would have to be replaced, but repairman luckily had some spares in the truck and the cost would not be nearly as bad as Katniss had feared. By the time Peeta and Prim came back with folded laundry and sandwiches for lunch, the repairman had already finished working on the replacement.

After lunch was complete and the repairman had left with payment, Prim announced that she would be in her room studying. "With my headphones on, and the music turned up extra loud," she added casually.

Katniss had never seen Peeta's face turn that shade of red before. Peeta had definitely seen Katniss's face turn that color, though.

Despite their "privacy" from Prim's departure, they did not return to Katniss's bedroom, both too embarrassed that her little sister and his former student knew exactly what she had interrupted that morning. They ended up watching an old thriller movie on TV,"Wait Until Dark," and they both jumped when the killer grabbed Audrey Hepburn in the darkened apartment.

By mid-afternoon, Peeta decided to head home and catch up on the lesson plans and his own homework that fell behind from the previous week. She walked him to his car and he wrapped his arms around her, whispering "raincheck?" before kissing her slowly underneath her ear.

"Definitely," she sighed.

"I'll call you tonight," he said, then held her face in his hands before lowering his lips on to hers, passionately kissing her for what felt like a delicious infinity. Eventually, his lips pulled away and he reluctantly got in his car. She waved goodbye and walked back to her front door, turning at the last minute and rolling her eyes when she saw him watching her walk away and smiling broadly. He winked and drove off.

That night over a simple dinner of spaghetti and Prim's homemade meatballs, Katniss decided to bring up the subject that had been nagging at her since yesterday.

"Do you ever think of Mom?" she blurted out.

Prim looked up from her plate, her eyebrows raised in surprise, then nodded. "All the time," she said between bites.

Katniss twirled her fork absentmindedly through the noodles on her plate. "What do you think about?"

Her little sister shrugged. "I don't know. Sometimes, I think about what she's doing, and if she's okay. What she would think about what's going on in our lives now. Or, what she would say to me when I have a problem."

"You miss her." Katniss didn't ask it, because she knew it wasn't a question.

Prim nodded. "I do. Dad, too. I mean, we lost them both, and I miss them both."

"I'm still mad at Mom," Katniss mumbled.

"I was too, for a long time. Sometimes, I still am. But it doesn't mean I don't still miss her," Prim said. She stabbed a meatball with her fork and took a deep breath before continuing. "You miss her, too."

Now it was Katniss's turn to look surprised. "I don't need her."

Prim shook her head. "I didn't say you needed her. We've survived without her, haven't we? But I think you miss her. It's why you still get so angry at her – you think about her, and you miss her, and you're angry that she's not here."

Katniss didn't know what she was more surprised about – the fact that Prim thought Katniss _missed_ their mother, or the fact that Prim was _right_.

"She's only a couple hours away by car," Prim continued. "We could visit."

"She never visited us," Katniss said.

"True. I don't know how welcome she'd feel here anymore. And we wouldn't be visiting for her sake. We'd be visiting for ourselves," Prim said.

Katniss looked up and stared at her sister, who was so much wiser than Katniss ever seemed to give her credit for. "Do you think we'll ever be able to forgive her?" she asked quietly.

Prim smiled. "Katniss, I already have."

* * *

Katniss thought about it some more.

She thought about it the rest of that evening and Monday at work. She wanted to talk to Gale about it, but he was in a different park district today and would be unavailable for another week. Gale was like Katniss in many ways, including having a talent for holding grudges and being unwilling to forgive. He never mentioned Mrs. Everdeen after she moved out, but Katniss knew he had shared her anger for a long time. Perhaps it was better that she not talk to Gale first – she knew he would support whatever she decided, but he might have tried to talk her out of it first.

On Tuesday morning, she went to her PT session with her mind almost made up. She was ready to tell Peeta, not just because it was a big deal to her and she felt the desire to tell him absolutely everything that mattered to her but because she was scared and wanted his help. Even though it was something she would hate to admit to anyone else.

Peeta arrived minutes after she did, catching her eye from her spot on the table while Haymitch assessed her shoulder. Her progress had been steadily improving since her surgery, as her shoulder could now hold a significant amount of weight and had almost full range of motion in the joint. She no longer needed daily PT sessions, just the Tuesday-Thursday schedule she had before. Haymitch had told her last week that she should be able to try using a bow and arrow soon, and her fingers ached to feel the release of the bowstring once again.

Finnick walked Peeta over to the table next to Katniss, telling them "I know Peeta wanted to be over here anyway" as Haymitch rolled his eyes. Peeta stopped next to her and gave her a quick kiss before hoisting himself up to his table and stretching his leg out. His own progress had been remarkable – he no longer needed a knee brace, and Finnick even had him jogging on the treadmill during his sessions.

As Haymitch and Finnick assessed their patients and wrote notes in their respective files, Peeta turned to Katniss. "What's going on? You have that look on your face," he said.

She raised her eyebrows. "I have a look?"

Peeta nodded. "It's a look you get when you're deep in thought about something, trying to figure it out. Like a couple of weeks ago at that Italian restaurant – you had that look on your face when you couldn't decide what to eat."

Katniss exhaled, laughing lightly. Peeta reached across the table for her hand, and held it in his own. "So what's up?" he asked.

The feeling of his hand relaxed her and made her forget their surroundings. "I think I want to visit my mom."

His eyes widened. "Really? What brought this on?"

Katniss shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just thought a lot about you, and I thought maybe I could do the same. Forgive my mom, you know. Maybe one day, I can forgive her and move past my anger." She looked down at their joined hands. "I don't want to be angry at her anymore. It's not worth it."

Peeta squeezed her hand and she looked back into his eyes. He looked at her in a way that let her know he understood, and he nodded. "Okay," he said.

The same nerves that made her second guess her decision every time started to creep in. "I'm still thinking about it, though," she added quickly.

"Well, I think you should do it," said Finnick. She snapped her head to him, embarrassed that he had overheard them. Finnick noticed her surprise and continued. "I'm for anything that makes you less angry. Especially if you're going to be well enough to use a deadly weapon again soon."

Peeta laughed, and Katniss couldn't help but glare at them both. Finnick patted Peeta's foot. "Let's go, Lover Boy," he said to Peeta. "Time for the treadmill."

Peeta hopped off the table and mouthed "I'll be back" to Katniss before heading to the waiting treadmill on the other side of the arena. She heard a snap and realized that Haymitch had dropped her folder down behind her on the table, and was standing next to her. "You're not sure if you want to forgive your mom, sweetheart?" he growled.

She narrowed her eyes at him and leaned back to put more space between them. "What do _you_ know about it?" she asked.

He sat back down on the stool. "I don't know about you and your mom, and I don't care. But if you have an opportunity to talk to someone and forgive them, you should do it. Just trust me."

She stiffened. "You don't know what she did."

He rolled his eyes at her. "No, and I said I don't care! But if you're thinking about it, you should do it. Look, one day she's not gonna be there, and that day might be tomorrow and you're gonna wish you had forgiven her, or at least talked to her. Because you'll never get another chance to do it!" He looked down at his hands as he clasped them together, thinking. Katniss didn't know what to say, and she didn't think he was finished talking to her. So she waited.

"It was about twenty-five years ago," he continued. "My wife Maysilee and I got in a fight. It started over something stupid, and before you knew it, we're fighting about the long hours I was working as I finished my education and worked full-time. She was about five months pregnant with our first-born – a little boy. I wanted to push through as many hours as possible while she was pregnant so I could back off a bit when he was born. She wanted me around more during the pregnancy. Next thing you know, she's storming out of the house and saying she was going to her sister's house.

"We were both stubborn, and neither of us wanted to be the first to apologize. She was gone for a few hours, and I knew all I had to do was call her at her sister's house and apologize, and she'd come home. But I refused to - I thought she should be apologizing to me. So I waited for the phone to ring. After a few more hours, it did ring. It was the police. They asked me to come to the hospital, saying that Maysilee had been in a car accident with some drunk driver. But when I got there, she was already dead, and so was our little boy."

Katniss blinked quickly before the tears pooling in her eyes could fall. She couldn't believe what Haymitch had told her or that he had told her something so personal. He had lost so much in the blink of an eye, and the guilt of their last words had been eating at him ever since. She understood now why he turned to alcohol so often – he couldn't cope with his pain, so he tried to drown it.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. He looked away and nodded – he didn't know what to say to those two words, either.

"Just don't miss your chance, Sweetheart. You'll regret it," he said before standing up. "Enough of this shit. Gimme five minutes on the arm bike."

Katniss watched him walk into the office and slam the door behind him. And just like that, her mind was made up. She didn't want to be consumed with anger and bitterness anymore. She didn't want to have regrets.

When she got home from work later that day, she asked Prim. Then she called Peeta and asked if he would go with them on a drive that weekend.

"Sure," he said. "Where are we going?"

She took a deep breath. "To see my mom."

* * *

_Follow me on tumblr (fnurfnur) for more talk about this story. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter – your reviews are so important to me. Thank you!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Thanks again to everyone reading this story – I hope you enjoy this chapter and the reunion with Mrs. Everdeen! HUGE thanks to for-prim, for betaing this story and pushing me to do better._

* * *

If there was one thing Katniss had always prided herself on, it was the ability to stick with a decision once she made it. She knew her decision might not have always been the right one, but she was committed to following through with an action instead of analyzing the "what ifs" to death and not doing anything. She refused to second-guess herself.

Except on this day, because it was the day they were going to go visit her mother.

Prim was the one who had made the actual arrangements by calling their Uncle Chaff and asking if they could visit that Saturday. He agreed and told them that a short visit might be necessary since their mother still tired very easily, and he also assured them he'd be in the house but would stay out of their hair so they could have privacy. Their uncle had always been an isolated man, preferring to keep to himself even before his honorable discharge from the military. He was a career man in the army, but he had lost his left hand in an encounter with an IED that killed three men in his squad. When he had offered to take care of their mother, it was a surprise to Katniss until she realized that her mother was too far-gone in her own grief to impose on his own solitude. Katniss also suspected that his sister was the little bit of home that he needed to help him work through his own demons.

Until that Saturday morning, Katniss had been able to distract herself from the actual act of seeing her mother. Earlier in the week, Prim had been accepted to her college of choice and offered a partial scholarship – more than enough to cover the difference that the student loans she qualified for left behind. She'd been accepted to two other schools, but Capitol University was definitely her first choice – it was just over an hour away and offered an excellent Pre-Med program. To celebrate her acceptance and impending enrollment, Prim had three of her friends over to spend the night on Friday so they could watch movies and make final plans for their prom the following week. Because of the presence of two former students and two current ones, Peeta stayed at his place on Friday night to avoid any questions or awkward looks.

"No student wants to see a teacher outside of the school, especially at their friend's house," he'd explained. "It's like seeing a clown at a doctor's office or something. It's just weird for everyone because everyone feels out of place."

From the whirlwind of excitement from the last several days, Katniss was able to avoid overanalyzing her decision. But now, as she sipped a cup of coffee from the kitchen while Prim's friends were saying their goodbyes, the enormity of the day's events began to hit her. She and Prim were going to see their mom for the first time in over four years. Not just see her, but have a conversation with her and, hopefully, forgive her for the past. Katniss would have to do her best to suppress any urge to scream at her or storm out in anger. And now that the moment was getting closer by the second, she wondered if she should really do it – if she _could_ really do it.

Her tension was relieved a little bit when Peeta arrived half an hour later. As soon as she opened the door, he seemed to sense her frayed nerves and enveloped her in a big hug. As he rubbed his hands up and down her back in small, comforting circles, he whispered in her ear, "Are you up for this?"

"I don't know," she mumbled into his chest.

"You don't have to see her, if you don't want to. You can forgive her without visiting her," " he said.

Katniss nodded. She knew that the decision to forgive her mother was her own, and there was no need to tell her mom that she was forgiven, or even to see her. She couldn't explain this need she had to see her mother in person, but she felt it was something she needed to do. Prim had also been very excited to see their mom, and Katniss couldn't bring herself to deny her little sister this occasion.

"I need to do this," she said, trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

Peeta nodded and kissed her forehead. "Then let's do this," he said, releasing his hold on her after a short but affectionate kiss as Prim returned from her room, no longer in her pajamas but dressed for the day.

"Peeta, you want any coffee or cereal?" Prim asked after saying hello.

He shook his head. "If we're taking a road trip, we need road trip food. Let's get doughnuts on the way."

"Deal!" Katniss and Prim said in unison. Katniss had experienced an uncharacteristic lack of appetite all morning, but the promise of good doughnuts seemed to bring it back with a vengeance. Peeta had offered to drive if they chipped in for gas, so they walked to his Jeep. It was probably best that Katniss didn't drive – the temptation to turn the car around and avoid their destination might prove too great. Prim called "shotgun," insisting that Katniss was no good at giving directions unless they were for a hiking trail. Peeta looked to Katniss, amused, and she nodded her head reluctantly in agreement. She could always get her bearings when surrounded by nature, but streets seemed to look the same to her.

The stop for doughnuts only took a few minutes, and they were soon on their way again. Peeta and Prim chatted in the front seats, leaving Katniss to stew in her anxiety.

_What does she look like now?_

_Is she still lying in bed all day, unable to cope?_

_Does she have a new life now?_

_Has she fallen in love with another man?_

_Is she still our Mommy?_

_Does she even want to see us?_

The more she thought about it, the more Katniss started to worry that her mother had not only recovered, but had started a fulfilling new life since being relieved of the burden of her daughters. She wondered if her mother had stayed away because she was happier without them.

_Not Prim_, she thought. Her mother and Prim had always been especially close, just as Katniss had been closer with her father. Prim would always follow her mother around like a tiny blonde shadow, always wanting to emulate her. They were so much alike – from their long, wavy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes to their sunny dispositions and calming nature. Their mother had been a nurse before leaving her job to be a stay-at-home mother, and she had been so proud when, at the tender age of six, Prim had announced to the family that she was going to become a doctor so she could "heal people, like Mommy does." Prim was always the apple of their mother's eye. Not Katniss.

Growing up, Katniss often butted heads with her mother. There was absolute love, of course, and moments of peace and happiness. But Katniss was stubborn, and her adolescent playfulness turned into a rebellious streak during her teenage years. She wasn't interested in drugs or drinking or anything that she thought was a cause for concern with her parents, but she did have a habit of skipping school to spend more time in the woods and sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to hang out with Gale. Her father never got too mad at her, but her mother was worried and tried to set boundaries for Katniss. Katniss refused, and they often had screaming matches that resulted in slammed doors and out-of-control tempers.

_Maybe she doesn't want to see me. Maybe she couldn't handle the idea of dealing with me if Dad wasn't there to help._

The more she thought about it, the more she convinced herself that seeing her mother was a bad idea. A cold sweat began to prick along her palms and hairline, and the three glazed doughnuts she had eagerly eaten moments before now felt like bricks in her stomach.

Katniss didn't notice Peeta looking at her in the rearview mirror with concern or Prim sneaking glances behind her and seeing the all-too familiar look of self-doubt and panic etched on her sister's face. Prim knew what Katniss was doing – she was finding any way she could to talk herself out of seeing her mother and using her own poor self-esteem as the reason.

"Peeta, have you ever heard Katniss sing?" Prim asked loudly. Katniss heard her name and looked up.

"I have, but I don't think she meant for me to hear her. It was at PT, after her first session. She has a beautiful voice," he replied.

Prim nodded, looking back and seeing they had captured Katniss's attention. "My dad was a really good singer, too. But it was my mom who always liked to play music in the house, and she was the one who taught us all sorts of songs."

Peeta smiled. "Can you sing too, Prim?"

She shook her head. "I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. But I always loved to listen to Katniss. Mom would play music for us when we got home from school every day. My mom would put on a record and teach the words to us. Katniss loved listening to her records, and my mom would always tell us stories about the singers," she said. Prim turned around in her seat to address Katniss. "Do you remember when she first played that Stevie Wonder album, and we asked her to play it over and over again?"

Katniss chuckled at the memory. "We made her play it for almost three weeks straight on repeat. It was 'Songs in the Key of Life.' The record eventually wore out, so we had to get her another one for Mother's Day that year."

Prim grinned. "Dad would come home from work every day and ask what we had learned that day. He meant in school, but we would always tell him about the music first. Especially Katniss. She'd tell him everything she remembered from the liner notes on The White Album, but when he asked what she learned in class, she'd say 'I dunno, math and stuff.'"

"Sounds like a lot of my students, only with different albums," Peeta said with a smile. "Katniss, do you see that big black binder tucked behind Prim's seat?" he asked. She looked over and saw a large cloth binder stuffed with CDs and pulled it on to her lap.

"You just became the DJ for the trip. Go ahead and pick out some music – preferably something you'll sing to," he said with a wink to her in the rearview mirror.

She rolled her eyes and smiled a little while flipping through the binder. Peeta had a decent music collection there, with what looked like over 100 CDs. He had several genres covered – there was the classic rock section with Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd. He had every CD from Weezer and Radiohead, and lots of alt-rock choices like The Decemberists, The Lumineers, Mumford and Sons, and The Black Keys. There was a section of folk music and classical compilations. After that, he had several pages dedicated to R&B and even a couple of pages of funk – she made a mental note to ask him to dance to some Parliament later. After a couple of minutes, she made her choice and handed the first disc of the double album to Prim.

Prim smiled and put the disc in. "Peeta, just because I _can't_ sing doesn't mean I _won't_. Prepare yourself," she teased as the first song of _Songs in the Key of Life_ started to play.

_It's that love's in need of love today_

_Don't delay, send yours in right away_

_Hate's going 'round, breaking many hearts_

_Stop it please before it's gone too far_

It had been years since Katniss and Prim had heard the album, but they still remembered every single word. What Prim lacked in melody, she made up for in enthusiasm, and she sang every off-key note loud and clear. Katniss sang quietly, relishing the lyrics in her memory as if reacquainting herself with the music like she would an old friend. Peeta sang the parts he knew, stealing glances at Katniss in the rearview mirror and enjoying the smile on her face.

The miles and hours passed quickly for them, and Katniss didn't have a chance to let her anxieties take over when she was concentrating on the music. The familiar songs relaxed her and pushed the insecurities from her mind. The sounds of her sister singing and laughing reminded her of afternoons together with their mother that were filled with love. It was a time where she felt happy and special and loved.

_As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving_

_And the rosebuds know the bloom in early May_

_Just as hate knows love's the cure_

_You can rest your mind assure_

_That I'll be loving you, always_

Katniss looked up and caught Peeta's eye in the rearview mirror. He seemed to know this song well and was singing it quietly while smiling at her. She was drawn to his eyes, and although a crimson blush filled over her cheeks as she sang, she could not look away from him.

_Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky – always_

_Until the ocean covers every mountain high – always_

_Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea – always_

_Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream_

He sang every word back with her, and for a moment she let herself believe that he loved her as she loved him.

Maybe more than just a moment.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize they had arrived until she felt the bump of the driveway as they pulled in. Peeta parked the car and turned off the ignition, but nobody moved to get out. Prim turned around and faced Katniss, her blue eyes filled with apprehension.

"I'm scared, Katniss," Prim admitted reluctantly.

Katniss nodded. "Me too."

"Me three," Peeta chimed in, giving the sisters a timid smile.

Katniss took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying to calm her racing pulse. "Prim, do you remember when you were in third grade, and that girl Kelly from your class would always pick on you? She would call you names in front of the class and push you down into the dirt. You were so afraid of her that you'd hide in the classroom or bathroom during recess and lunch so she couldn't find you and pick on you."

Prim nodded slowly. "You saw me crying after class one day, and you made me tell you and Mom what happened. You wanted to beat her up."

Katniss's mouth quirked up in a half-smile. "That's right. But Mom said no. She wanted you to be able to stand up to your fears, including a bully. The three of us spent that afternoon helping you practice what you were going to say to her. Then when Dad came home and found out, he gave you a big hug and said that if talking didn't work, he was going to teach you how to throw a punch."

Prim chuckled softly at the memory and nodded again.

"The next day," Katniss continued, "you walked up to Kelly in the yard before school and told her that you weren't going to let her be mean to you anymore, and you were standing up for yourself. And she tried to make fun of you, but you didn't back down. So she gave up and walked away. The next day, you walked up to her again and asked if she'd like to be your friend. She said yes. And you two stayed friends for years, until she moved away."

Prim smiled softly, a blush creeping over her cheeks. Katniss reached one hand out to her sister and one to Peeta. The three of them sat for a moment, and Katniss felt her previously overwhelming anxiety slowly turn into something much stronger. She was filled with determination and a resolve to set things right. Maybe this visit would not go well. Perhaps her mother will have moved on and would reject the compassion offered by her daughters. But that wasn't going to stop them from trying.

Their mother may not have deserved forgiveness, but Katniss and Prim deserved to forgive.

"Let's go face our fears," Katniss said.

The three of them walked to the front porch hand-in-hand. Uncle Chaff's house was a small brick and wood bungalow, old but well maintained. A small garden was thriving along the front of the house, and the covered porch was studded with containers of various herbs and medicinal plants, just as the Everdeen home once was. Prim raised her hand to ring the doorbell but before she could, the weathered red front door swung open.

It was her.

She had definitely aged, her blonde hair now liberally streaked with silver and pulled back into a loose bun on the crown of her head. Her soft, wet blue eyes were surrounded by a few more wrinkles than before, and the skin along her cheeks and neck lay slightly slack and spotted with age. She was skinny, but her figure didn't seem as fragile as it did the day she left, when Katniss wondered if a strong gust of wind could have carried her away like an errant leaf. She was wearing a lavender dress that hung loosely past her knees and a soft cardigan was buttoned shut across her chest. She looked at her daughters with wild, disbelieving eyes.

"Mommy?" Prim whispered. A sob escaped their mother's throat, and she nodded before rushing forward and enveloping her daughters in her arms.

"My girls," she cried. "I missed you so much."

Prim had always been the affectionate sister. Even before their father died, Katniss shied away from hugs and kisses or any other public display of affection. But in that moment, Katniss found herself clinging to her sister and her mother with a fervor she didn't know existed within her. She was in her mother's arms, and it felt like home again.

Peeta smiled to himself, watching their tearful reunion. Eventually the girls broke away, and Mrs. Everdeen noticed him behind Katniss.

"Um, Mom," Katniss said, her voice shaky with tears, "this is my boyfriend, Peeta."

He stepped forward with an outstretched hand. "It's lovely to meet you, Mrs. Everdeen."

She smiled, and shook his hand gratefully. "Please, call me Clara. It's very nice to meet you, Peeta." She invited them inside the house, where Uncle Chaff was waiting to greet them. He gave the girls a hug and a quick handshake to Peeta, and then excused himself in to the kitchen to finish preparing their lunch. Peeta followed him with an offer to help, eager to let the Everdeen women reunite.

Clara led them into a small but cozy living room, and they settled on to the sofa.

"I'm afraid I don't know what to say. I'm not even sure where to start," Clara said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Katniss swallowed nervously and took a deep breath. "Maybe I can start." Clara nodded.

"Mom, Prim and I came here today because we wanted to see you, and we wanted you to see us. It hasn't been easy for us – it still isn't - but we're finding a way to make it. Prim and I were so incredibly mad at you for so very long. Sometimes, we still get mad, especially me. We should not have had to spend the last four years growing up without you, but we did. And we're doing okay. And I guess we wanted you to know that we're doing okay, and that we forgive you." Katniss looked up from her hands, which she had been staring at since she starting talking, and looked directly into her mother's tearful eyes. "I forgive you, Mommy."

Clara hung her head and began to weep, tightening her grasp on her daughters' hands. Prim wrapped her free arm around her mother and whispered in her ear. "I forgive you too, Mommy."

"I'm sorry, my girls," Clara said between shaky sobs. "I'm so very sorry." Katniss released a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. They sat silently until Clara composed herself enough to speak.

"When he died, it felt like I died with him. Everything felt dark and quiet, like I had fallen into the bottom of a very deep hole. It wasn't until Chaff made me get help that I realized I wasn't really dead. I had spent two weeks in a psychiatric hospital before I realized what I had done to you girls. I spent another two months there trying to resolve the hatred I had for myself for leaving you. Every day, I still struggle with what I did – I abandoned you when you needed me the most. I always hoped I would see you again, but I didn't think I deserved it. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined you'd forgive me," she said.

A small, angry part of Katniss continued to tell her that her mother deserved to suffer, because she wanted to believe that her mother still didn't deserve forgiveness despite her apology. But seeing her mother's struggle with atonement switched something on in Katniss, and she decided she didn't want to listen to that angry, spiteful part of herself ever again.

They sat together for a while, crying and sharing stories of the past four years. Prim and Katniss learned that their mother now worked as a nurse at the local elementary school. She had joined a support group for widows at a small church two miles away, and had made a few friends she spent time with on weekends. There had been a man or two that had asked her out on a date, but she always said no. Just as she thought she was not deserving of forgiveness for abandoning her daughters, she also felt she did not deserve any new love when she had experienced so much with her late husband.

Peeta and Uncle Chaff brought a lunch of baked pasta and a spinach salad out to the living room and joined them as Clara asked her daughters about their lives. Prim happily showed her the acceptance letter from Capitol University, and told her about her friends, her schoolwork, her hobbies, and her dreams for the future. Katniss was more shy, downplaying her job and her life while trying to shift the attention back to Prim or even Peeta. Clara was a bit nervous in speaking to Peeta at first, not because she was meeting the boyfriend of one of her daughters for the first time, but because she saw something in them that felt very familiar.

She observed the two of them together – the way Peeta stole glances at Katniss and smiled especially bright when she laughed. The way Katniss leaned her body towards him, and seemed to relax at his touch. The way they were obviously each other's biggest fans, each boasting the talents and passions of the other. It made Clara think of a man that was in her dreams every night, with dark gray eyes like Katniss's, a broad smile like Prim's, and a voice that filled the air with song. It took Clara a long time and much therapy to think of her husband without feeling despair at his loss, but now she just felt hope that her oldest daughter had found love.

If Peeta was still nervous about meeting Clara, he didn't show it. His talent for words charmed her, and he was even able to engage the normally-reticent Uncle Chaff about his work at the VA hospital and their favorite football teams. His ease with her fractured family relieved Katniss, and she found herself speaking freely and smiling easily as the afternoon progressed. For the first time in years, she had hope that her family would be okay.

* * *

_Visit my tumblr (fnurfnur) for more info about this chapter and upcoming ones. I'd love to hear what you thought of this chapter – please review!_


	15. Chapter 15

_Thanks again to everyone reading, following, favoriting and reviewing this story! I'm just so thrilled by the support and the feedback, positive and critical. Huge thanks to for-prim for being an awesome beta – have you checked out her story "Primrose"? If not, check out her profile and read it now!_

_Here's the chapter I know many of you have been waiting for. Be gentle, it's my first time (writing smut). _

Katniss sat up front in the passenger seat on the drive home, watching the trees and road signs fly past with a content smile playing on her face as she replayed the day in her mind.

_I did it. We did it._

The short but intense visit had eased her worst fears and given her a spark of hope that her family might not be too broken after all. She had forgiven her mother. Her mother actually wanted to be in their lives, and to Katniss's surprise, she realized she wanted to be in her mother's life as well. She could not have dreamed of a better outcome for their visit.

Perhaps Katniss was imagining it, but everything she laid her eyes on seemed to shine a little bit brighter since their departure. Her body felt lighter, her mind clearer. Happiness and even pride seemed to bubble up inside her, and she honestly could not remember the last time she had felt _proud_ of herself. Being proud of Prim was a constant feeling Katniss experienced, but it was so nice to feel pleased with herself again. She had conquered her fears and worked to dissolve the anger she had felt towards her mother, and now she had _hope_ again.

She was surprised at the relief she had felt in seeing that her mother was functioning well. Clara still had her moments, Uncle Chaff had explained. There were still mornings where she struggled to get out of her bed or shake the haunted look in her eyes that they had become familiar with. But now she was able to seek support from others, such as friends or her counselor, and she was tolerating her regimen of anti-depressants very well. She could recognize all of the reasons she still had to get out of bed, and Katniss and Prim had given her two more.

Clara was not quite the same person she was before Mr. Everdeen had died, but Katniss and Prim were different as well. None of the Everdeen girls would ever be the same person they were before his death, but age, wisdom, and experience had made them much stronger. And now they had each other again.

They had left Uncle Chaff's house just a few hours after arriving, promising to arrange another visit soon and start calling regularly. Clara gave her beloved daughters several tearful hugs and kisses, and she pulled Peeta aside for a moment to whisper something in his ear that made him smile broadly before giving him a hug as well. As soon as they got in the car, Katniss turned around in her seat and reached for Prim in the back, embracing her in a tight hug.

"We did it," they whispered to each other. They hugged Peeta and thanked him for bringing them as he told both that he was very proud of them. He personally didn't know if he would have been brave enough to see his own mother in person when he had made his decision to forgive. But that was a thought he decided to keep to himself for now.

Peeta reached across the seat to hold Katniss's hand as soon as he pulled out of the driveway, and he held it for the entire drive home. Prim watched them from the backseat and wondered if the smile on Katniss's face was due to Peeta's presence as well as their successful reunion with Clara. The truth was, it was both of those things and so much more. Katniss had not remembered feeling this happy in a long time. For once, the "what if" questions playing in her mind weren't scaring her with scores of worst case scenarios but instead giving her hope for everything that could be.

Katniss had not been this happy in years, and Prim noticed it. The change had been happening slowly over the past few months as she tore down her emotional walls brick by brick. It wasn't just from Peeta's presence, although he definitely had a significant effect on Katniss. Katniss had been forced into being vulnerable from the second she injured her shoulder, and slowly had to learn how to accept help from others and even welcome them into her life. She had learned to love and be loved and how to let go of her anger and move on with her life. For the first time in years, Katniss looked forward to her future instead of concentrating on just getting through the day.

Prim pulled her cell phone out of her purse and quietly texted back and forth with a friend for a few minutes. She had an idea, but she needed her friend's help to make it work. Once the plans were settled, she cleared her throat and spoke.

"Katniss, would it be ok if I spent the night at Bristel's house?"

Katniss turned around, surprised. "Will her parents be there?"

"They will," Prim said. "She just _really _wants to hang out tonight." Prim raised her eyebrows and looked at Katniss, trying to get her older sister to understand what she was trying to do.

It took Katniss a moment or two before Prim's intent finally dawned on her. Prim was trying to make sure that Katniss and Peeta were alone together. Tonight. She raised her own eyebrows at Prim.

"Are you _sure_?" she asked.

Prim nodded. "Absolutely. It's about time that I _hang out with Bristel,"_ she emphasized.

Peeta had to bite his bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud at their attempts at discretion.

"You're both _so_ subtle," he teased. Katniss reached across her body with her free arm to smack his shoulder. Prim laughed.

"Don't push it Peeta, or no one's gonna be _hanging out with Bristel _tonight," Prim said. He started cracking up and squeezed Katniss's hand to reassure her.

After the crimson heat on Katniss's cheeks finally faded away, the rest of the trip was filled with casual chatter as Prim passed CDs up to the front for Katniss to play. Peeta continued to hold Katniss's small hand in his, and rubbed soft circles across her knuckles to soothe her. Every once in a while, they snuck glances at each other and blushed with nervous smiles.

They pulled into the concrete driveway as the sun was setting behind the horizon, filling the sky with streaks of red and orange as the first stars began to shine. As soon as they were back in the Everdeen house, Prim wasted no time in rushing into her room and packing an overnight bag for her evening with Bristel. It took Prim no more than three minutes to grab her toothbrush and a change of clothes before hugging them and rushing out, giving Katniss a quick wink and a broad smile as she grabbed the car keys and closing the front door behind her. It was almost as if she couldn't wait to leave.

Then Katniss and Peeta were finally alone. Just the two of them. Together.

"So," Katniss said, nervously.

"So, " Peeta said, gently. He held up his pointer finger as if to tell her to wait, and said, "I'll be right back."

She cocked an eyebrow in confusion as she watched him walk backwards, giving her a teasing smile. Peeta left the kitchen and walked to the front door without saying a word, and secured the deadbolt. After testing to make sure the door was locked shut, he looked carefully at the ceiling. "No sprinklers," he mumbled with a smile as he looked around the room for any other possible distractions. Katniss covered her mouth with her hand, laughing.

"Don't forget the washing machine," she called out, teasing.

"How could I forget?" he called out as he rushed down the hall and opened the folding doors to the laundry closet, taking a moment to inspect the machines. Satisfied with what he saw, he strode purposefully back to her in the kitchen, taking his phone out of his pocket and turning it off on the way. "No interruptions," he said, eyeing her hungrily as he put his phone on the counter.

She laughed, and took her phone out of her pocket to show him. "That's why I already turned mine off."

As he closed the space between them, nerves quickly overtook her, and she struggled with what to do next. She had never tried to be _sexy,_ and even though right now she wanted nothing more than to be with him, it seemed she had suddenly forgotten how exactly she could show him just how wanted he was.

_Food! We can have food. Everybody likes food._

"Um…" she said as she turned to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator door. "I'm not sure what we have to make dinner, do you want to go out?"

She heard his footsteps coming towards her, one foot falling slightly heavier than the other. He wrapped one strong arm around her waist while closing the refrigerator door in front of her. "No." His hand crept just under her shirt, his fingertips barely grazing the bare skin along her side, just below her waist. He used his free hand to push her hair to the side of her neck, leaning down to kiss the newly exposed skin.

"Good," she whispered. His mouth and fingers had an instant effect on her, and it was starting to become hard to catch her hurried breath. She lifted her left hand to thread her fingers through his hair, bringing his lips down harder against her skin. "Neither do I."

"I don't want to go anywhere," he said, running his lips down the slope of her jaw as his tongue left a slick trail in its path. What had been a slow burn was starting to catch fire in her veins.

"Neither do I," she said, feeling her heart start to race and a warm pull between her legs.

"I love the way that you taste," he mumbled against her skin. His free hand left her hair, slowly trailing its way down past her collarbone and lightly grazing her breasts. She gasped, feeling her body begin to come alive at his touch. His fingers moved to the hem of her light cotton blouse and began working on releasing the first button. 

Katniss wasn't sure why her nerves were trying to get the best of her. What did she have to be afraid of? Peeta cared for her deeply, that was certain. She wanted to do this. But every voice that had always told her she wasn't good enough started screaming at her.

But why?

Hadn't she overcome one of her greatest fears today? She was brave enough to confront her mother and forgive her, but not brave enough to have sex with the man she was in love with?

_Fuck. That._

She didn't want to be afraid anymore. Katniss finally had hope for her future again, and her future included Peeta.

She turned around in his arms and faced him. He took the phone from her hand and placed it on the counter next to his before taking her face in his hands and kissing her passionately. She grabbed a fistful of his worn flannel shirt and pulled his body flush to hers, then wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. His lips fit perfectly to hers as they kissed, a motion that they had perfected many times over. But tonight, kissing wasn't going to be enough for either of them.

He reached down and pulled her thighs up to his waist, and she wrapped her legs tightly around him as he carried her to her bedroom. She could feel him growing excited beneath her and thrust her own building heat against him. On their way to the bed, he paused only to turn on the light and close the door behind them. He locked the door, mumbling, "Just to be safe" against her mouth before she unwrapped her legs from his waist and stood eager before him.

They had seen each other nearly naked before, but it was different this time. Now Peeta celebrated every single inch of her exposed skin by lavishing it with his mouth. He deftly unbuttoned her shirt and slipped it off her shoulders to the floor, taking a moment to run his hands down her arms and across the planes of her back before settling on her lace-covered breasts. She arched her back against his touch to fill his eager palms, trying to ignore the voice of self-doubt and fear in her head that told her they were too small and concentrate on the moment.

She reached out and began unbuttoning his shirt, revealing the broad chest she loved to fall asleep on. He helped tug the shirt off, and then returned his eager mouth's attention to her collarbone as he reached behind her to unhook her flimsy bra. He stood back to peel it off of her chest, and she shrugged the straps from her shoulders to help him expose her.

"You're beautiful, Katniss. I don't think I tell you that enough," he said softly. "I'm gonna make that up to you."

She shook her head, still not ready to see herself the way he did. "No. You're perfect."

"You're perfect for me," he said, his eyes roaming her body and drinking her in.

She stepped back and sat down on the bed, pulling his belt forward until his hips were in front of her face, his erection straining towards her. She smiled coyly as she unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans before pushing them down his hips. He stepped out of the fabric that had gathered around his shins and bent down to unbutton her jeans as well. She lay back on the bed and lifted her hips as he pulled the jeans from her legs before climbing on top of her and bracing his forearms by her head.

"You're beautiful," he said, and kissed the tip of her nose.

She blushed, and he loved that he had the ability to make her cheeks flush innocently even in this state. "I think you are," she said gently, cradling his face in her hands. He beamed.

"We don't have to…" he started to say before she covered his mouth with her hand.

"I want to." She slid the hand from his mouth to the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. She wanted him to know, even if just by her kiss, that she wanted him more than anything, and not just tonight. He was a spark of hope to her, a bright yellow dandelion blooming in the middle of a meadow. He helped her remember that things could be good again.

Everything he made her feel was a blur of sensation. Her skin made moist from his breath, then his mouth. The tingling current running down his spine as she raked her fingers through his blonde curls. The building warmth from his hands as he palmed her breasts. The heat running through her veins despite the goosebumps along her arms as he moved down her body and trailed kisses along her thighs.

He wanted to take his time.

She didn't want to wait.

He wanted to commit every inch, every second of her writhing in his arms to his consciousness.

She was eager, her body chasing after ecstasy like a thirst for water.

He felt the subtle but steady thrust of her ardent hips as he teased her nipples with his tongue. She enjoyed the friction it made against his chest, but it wasn't enough.

He moved his hand lower to cup between the lacy edges of her underwear, kneading his palm against her until his hand was moist and her breaths were quick. He slowly crawled downwards, catching the waistband of her panties in his teeth and pulling them off slowly. Too slowly, she thought.

He was going to be the death of her, in the most exquisite way.

He helped her chase the feeling of ecstasy in order to prolong his own. He wanted to make her cry out against his mouth and to see how beautiful she would be as she fell apart.

His nimble fingers danced and thrust, and her spine stretched as her blood raced. His wet lips kissed and sucked, and her thighs were pulled over his shoulders and around his head. His desirous tongue spoke words meant only for her body to hear, and as she came against his mouth, her body shuddered in response as fevered waves crashed through her body.

He softly kissed his way back up her body as she came down, shaking, from her high. When he reached her mouth, she surprised him by quickly flipping him over and straddling his hips before he realized she was moving.

"You're impressive," he said wickedly.

"You're one to talk," she said, sliding her hands across his broad chest as she thrust herself against his hips. "And you're overdressed." Her confidence was coming back to her now - the voices of self-doubt were finally silent.

She slid down his body reached for the elastic band of his underwear. With the help of his raised hips, she bared him to her then crawled between his powerful legs, taking a moment to kiss the surgery scar on his knee.

A blow job had always felt like a _job_ for her – a perfunctory act the man expected leading up to the grand finale that had always left her with a sore jaw and a dry mouth. With Peeta, she knew it wasn't expected. She did it because she wanted to make him feel good, as good as he had made her feel. She wrapped her hands around his erection as she kissed a trail from his hipbones to his thighs to tease him, then moved her attention back to her hands. Once her mouth reached his tip, her hands alternated from his base to below, hardening him further against her tongue.

It only took a few minutes before he pulled her up, not wanting to finish too soon. He rolled her over so she was underneath him and kissed her deeply before reaching for his pants on the floor. He fumbled for his wallet and pulled out a strip of condoms.

She giggled. "A bit presumptuous, were you?"

He smiled as he tore open the package and rolled the latex on. "More like really, _really_ hopeful. I've pretty much been carrying it around since I met you."

She cocked an eyebrow at him response. He laughed and eased himself back on top of her. "I told you. _Really_, really hopeful."

She couldn't help it, she cracked up with laughter. He joined her, kissing her face between breaths. When their laughter died down, he held her face in his hands.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she said.

"How are you?" he asked with a grin.

"A bit bored, actually," she replied with a smirk. "You?"

"Not bad," he said. "About to be better."

She lifted her legs up and wrapped them around his waist. "Good to know." She tilted her head up and kissed him, sliding her tongue against his as her hands helped him find his way inside her. His breath hitched at the sensation, and he whispered her name without realizing it.

He wanted to take his time.

She didn't want to wait.

That night, their bodies found their way to each other, with tangled limbs and sweaty skin and whispered promises. With the help of his thrusts and his determined fingers, she found her release again, and he came shortly after her as his vision exploded behind closed eyelids. He struggled to catch his breath as she peppered his face with gentle kisses.

He opened his eyes and looked into hers. "You're beautiful," he said.

She smiled shyly. "You said that."

He nodded and moved his lips to her neck. "It's the truth. And you're amazing and brilliant and gorgeous and sexy," he said, punctuating each word with a wet kiss along her skin. "And you're really fucking good in bed."

She laughed again – she had never felt so happy during sex to laugh as much as she had. Awkward pillow talk was always something she tried to avoid, so she'd usually roll over and try to sleep. But this wasn't awkward. Somehow, he really did make her feel beautiful.

"You're really fucking good in bed, too," she told him breathlessly as he started to drift off, his head on her chest as his arm pulled her flush against him.

"Give me some time to rest up, and I'll show you how I'm even better in the shower."

They didn't get out of bed until shortly after midnight, when Peeta rushed to the kitchen and back with toast and cereal after Katniss's stomach began to grumble in protest. That night, they preferred to stay wrapped in the safety and comfort of each other's arms as they fell in and out of sleep together. When she was awake, she wrapped herself tighter against him and smiled when he would hold her closer in his sleep. She had never been one to enjoy falling asleep in someone's arms, as she was always too distracted by their breathing or snoring or just their very presence and unable to relax. She never felt more relaxed with Peeta. Or more safe. Or more beautiful. Or more loved.

_I love him._

_I love him._

_I love you, Peeta._

_I want to tell you more than anything, but I'm so scared. I know you care for me, but I don't want to scare you away. I can't lose you. Not now that you've brought so much happiness into my life. Not ever._

_But I want you to know._

But she still was so afraid to say it. She knew that there would be a day soon where she would no longer be able to hold her declaration back. One day, it would bubble up inside her and nothing in the world would be able to stop her from telling him and everyone she knew of the love she had for him.

But that day was not today. For now, she could satisfy her craving by whispering it to herself as he slept, and tracing the letters against his skin until she fell asleep, dreaming of the day she would tell him.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

And then he would wake up and help her chase that feeling again and again and again.

She thought it was the best night of her life, and she hoped they had many more nights like it to come.

He wished for that as well.

_This was my first time writing smut, so please review and let me know if it's thumbs up or thumbs down… and I'll post more about the story on my tumblr (fnurfnur). Thanks everyone!_


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following this story! After this, there's only one more chapter. Please check out my tumblr (fnurfnur) for more info about this story, and random stuff.

Thanks to my beta for-prim for your support and careful eye over this story.

* * *

When Katniss was five years old, her grandmother died.

The memories surrounding the event and its aftermath in the Everdeen household were pretty blurry. Katniss was too young to understand a concept as abstract but certain as death, but she understood that everyone was sad, especially her mommy. Her daddy explained that Grandma had left them to be with the angels, and that their mommy was sad that she did not get a chance to say goodbye, since Grandma was her mommy.

"Why didn't Mommy get to say goodbye to Grandma, Daddy?" asked Katniss.

Her daddy pulled Katniss onto his lap and gave her a hug. "Kitten, sometimes we don't get to say the things we should because we never know when it's time to say it. So it's important that you tell the people you love how much you love them, every single day. You never want to miss an opportunity to let someone know how important they are to you."

"What's an 'obber-too-nitty'?" she asked, her nose scrunched in confusion over the strange word.

He smiled. "It means a chance. If you have a chance to tell someone what they mean to you, you should. Never be afraid to let someone know that you love them."

Katniss nodded and thought about what her daddy said, in that profound way that all young children absorb new knowledge, whether it was the fleeting nature of life or learning what someone's favorite color was. She flung her arms around his neck and mumbled into his chest, "I love you, Daddy!"

He hugged her tightly. "I love you too, Kitten."

She ran into the kitchen and found her mommy on the phone, wiping at her eyes with a handkerchief and making arrangements for something called a "fyoo-ner-all". Katniss wrapped her arms around her mommy's waist and whispered, "I love you, Mommy." After receiving a lingering hug in return from her mommy, she crept into her baby sister's room.

Katniss was already good at climbing, but she couldn't crawl into Prim's crib to give her a hug. She knew because she tried to climb in once, and Daddy caught her and put her in time-out, even though she tried to explain that she just wanted to start teaching Prim all of the important things in life, like the alphabet and how to tie shoelaces.

Of course, that was two whole weeks ago. She was sure she had grown since then.

Eventually, she decided that it was not worth getting sent to time-out again, especially not when Mommy already seemed so sad. So Katniss stuck her chubby little hand through the bars in Prim's crib, and grabbed her baby sister's chubbier, smaller hand.

"I love you, Primrose. Even if you do look like a little duck," she whispered. "But don't go anywhere, because I want to have lots of obber-too-nitties to tell you."

* * *

It was a restless night. Neither of them would complain, though.

If you combined the total amount of sleep Katniss and Peeta had that night, it would barely amount to a few hours. Despite that, Katniss woke up the next morning feeling content and happy, as if she'd had the most restful sleep of her life. And in a way, perhaps she had.

She woke up lying on her side, facing the window and watching the morning light fill the room. Her head was resting on Peeta's bicep, and her neck tickled with his slow, steady breathing. She was engulfed by warmth and comfort and _him_ – his muscled torso curled around her body, his arms and legs pulling her close to him, his unique scent filling her lungs. Would she have enjoyed the feeling as much if it had happened a year ago? Before she had opened her eyes to the idea of letting others into her life – of letting Peeta into her life? Probably not. She was definitely sure that the feeling would not be as enjoyable if it was anyone other than Peeta in her bed.

Katniss never wanted anyone else in her bed, ever again.

It took less than thirty seconds of being awake in his presence before the old recurring thoughts pushed to the front of her consciousness, knocking like a persistent visitor.

_I love him._

_I love Peeta._

_I love you, Peeta._

Every time the words resonated in her mind, they seemed to grow bigger and more persistent. She didn't know how much longer she could hold this admission inside. Her past didn't include much relationship experience, and she wondered if there was a protocol for telling someone those three words. She'd heard the other ones, those "rules" that made her roll her eyes every time – which "base" meant which body part was accessed, that a guy would wait a certain number of days before calling a girl, and that you shouldn't have sex before the third date.

Those expected social constraints always irritated her – her body and her time was her own business, and she would call a guy or have sex whenever she damn well felt like it. But she couldn't help but think of them now, and wonder if there was an expectation for admitting love, and if Peeta was expecting it.

_Is he supposed to say it first? Are you allowed to say it before a certain amount of time?_

_Maybe I should ask Prim._

_Ask your baby sister for relationship advice? You're hopeless, Everdeen._

What would happen if she said it?

Maybe he would smile, in that way that always made the room seem at least ten degrees warmer. Perhaps he would embrace her, and tell her that he loved her too. Then he would kiss her until the room was spinning around them and swelling violin music was playing. And they would live happily ever after.

_God, that sounds like a terrible movie._

Maybe he would back away from her slowly, as if she was a rabid animal, and tell her that he needs space, and maybe they could still be friends?

Or perhaps he'd laugh at her, and tell her how horrible she was last night, and how he could never love anyone with as many issues as she had.

_No._

No, she truly believed Peeta cared for her. Maybe he did love her, maybe he didn't, but she did not believe that he would be cruel to her. She did not believe he would be cruel to anyone.

If he didn't love her, maybe he would one day. Katniss realized that she was very flawed, but he didn't seem to mind. And if he hadn't run away from her by now, perhaps he really wanted to stay.

Maybe he would want to stay for a very long time. As much as yesterday's progress with her mother made her hope for a future, she admitted to herself that she hoped Peeta wanted to be a part of it. Because she knew she wanted to be a part of his future, as well.

It was her involuntary smile, the one that always happened when she allowed herself to think about a future with him, that pressed her drawn cheek against his arm and woke him up. His breathing picked up, and seconds later she felt him inhaling the scent of her skin as he tightened his arms around her.

"Good morning," he said, his voice deep and husky from sleep. She couldn't see it, but it sounded like he was smiling, too.

"Good morning," she said, hearing her own smile in her voice. She lifted her hand and drew patterns on his bicep.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, nuzzling against her neck.

She smirked. "Really good, actually. Someone must have worn me out last night."

She felt his lips smiling against her neck. The patterns on his bicep turned into letters. I L-O-V-E Y-O-U.

"You should start getting used to it," he said.

She giggled – _did I ever giggle before Peeta?_ - and rolled around quickly to face him. Morning light made soft through the thin white fabric of her curtains illuminated the smooth planes of his face, the start of golden stubble across his jaw, and the blonde tangles of a serious case of bed head. He saw the light hit her eyes and shade them from charcoal to silver, and tried to mentally commit every detail into his permanent memory. She smiled softly and lifted her fingers to comb through his hair. He wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her as close to him as possible.

They stared at each other for a few moments, taking in the sight of each other and being perfectly content.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," he said.

"How are you?" she asked, using her fingernails to gently untangle a knot in his hair.

"A bit bored?" he teased.

She snickered. "No, you're not."

He slowly wiggled his fingers below her ribs, searching until he found a ticklish spot. She yelped in surprise and clamped her elbow over his hand to stop him. "You're right, I'm very entertained now," he said.

"Not cool!" she shrieked. He wriggled his hand from under her arm and tickled her again and again, until she was thrashing against the bed and both were out of breath from laughing.

"You are in so much trouble, Mellark. Payback is going to be a bitch," she warned him with a wicked smile.

"Going to be? When can I expect this payback?" he asked innocently.

"Not sure yet," she teased. "You promised me a shower first."

He growled as he stretched out his legs. "I did… but I have a problem. You see, right now I'm in this incredibly comfortable bed with my incredibly beautiful girlfriend. You can understand why I'd be hesitant to leave." She beamed. Katniss hated to admit it, but she really liked it when he called her beautiful, even though she thought nothing compared to the sight of him in her bed at that moment.

She nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. "You're right. Let's stay here a little longer."

"Deal." He released a content sigh and began drawing shapes on her back.

"I'm not ticklish there," she said with a smile.

His chest rumbled with laughter. "Good to know. Besides, I'm composing a very important letter."

"Who is this letter for?" she asked.

"Oh, it's for you. I'm telling you all my secrets," he said.

"If one of the secrets is that you snore, it's not a secret anymore," she teased.

"I don't snore. You must have me confused with one of the other stunningly good-looking blonde art teachers you spend time with," he said, continuing his ministrations on her back.

"I'm afraid that you're the only one for me," she said, then stilled. Would he read into that? Did she just tell him everything, without meaning to?

_Wait. Oh, shit._

Did he interpret what she was writing on him before?

Did she want him to?

She concentrated her attention to the feel of his fingers against her back. Certain letters were easy to guess, like "O", unless it was a zero. Or "I", unless it was a one.

_Was that an X? Maybe a four?_

He was writing quickly, and it seemed like he was dragging the end of one letter into the next one. It was hard to tell where the motions of one letter ended and the next begun.

"Can you figure out what I'm writing?" he asked gently.

"No," she admitted.

"That's ok," he said. "I'm still working on it. I guess you could call this a rough draft."

"Your letter has to have multiple drafts?" she asked.

"I'm a perfectionist. Deal with it," he said.

Soon he stopped writing, and begun running his fingers lightly up and down her spine. She sighed into his neck. "You smell good," she mumbled into his skin.

"I do?" he asked. "What do I smell like?"

She took a deep breath. "Like your aftershave. And a freshly sharpened pencil. And clean sheets. And sweat. I don't know… you smell like Peeta. And that's my favorite scent," she admitted.

He shifted his face and leaned back to kiss her gently on her forehead, then gathered her even closer to him until every possible inch of skin was touching.

"Sometimes you smell like cheese buns, too. I like those days," she said with a smirk.

He smiled against the top of her head. "Duly noted." He leaned his face down against and inhaled deeply, taking in her scent.

"You smell like fresh air and trees. And like that shampoo you use that smells sweet, but not like flowers. You smell like strawberry lip balm and a sunny day. You're my favorite scent," he said.

His words made her think she would explode from happiness, or at least explode from the effort of keeping those three words to herself. So she curled her toes and bit her lip to bring her back to Earth.

He sighed softly. "I'm really proud of you, you know."

She tilted her head back and looked at him in confusion. "For what?"

"For yesterday, with your mom," he said.

She ducked her head back down to his neck, feeling a little embarrassed. "You gave me the idea. I couldn't have done it without you."

"But I don't think I could have done what you did. Talking to your mother in person, telling her you forgive her even before you had a conversation with her… that's incredibly brave. _You_ are incredibly brave."

_If I'm so brave, why can't I tell you I love you? Why am I so scared?_

She couldn't say these things out loud, so she just shook her head softly and looked back in his eyes. He seemed to be conflicted, biting his lips and shifting his eyes in hesitation.

"I have… well, there's something I need to tell you. It's something I've been meaning to tell you, but it just never seemed like a good time. Every moment with you is so good, and I didn't want to ruin it."

Every worst possible scenario flashed through her mind. _Married. Gay. Criminal. Herpes. A married gay criminal with herpes._

He still hesitated. She held her breath without realizing it.

"I want to be brave. Like you," he whispered.

She reached for his face and cupped his cheek. "Whatever it is, it's okay. It's okay." And she realized she believed it.

She rubbed her thumb along his jawline and tried to look into his eyes, but they still looked everywhere but her own as he seemed to fight an internal struggle over his confession. The notch along his throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed and tried to speak.

Finally, he shifted forward and kissed along her jaw until he reached her ear. She held on to him tightly and looked at the wall, waiting for him to begin and trying not to let fear take over her. _Please still be mine. Please, please still be mine._

He took a deep breath. She felt his muscles tense beneath her fingertips.

"I know it might be too soon…" he whispered.

She took a deep breath of her own.

"… and you don't have to say it back to me…"

_Wait…_ she thought as her eyes grew wider.

"…but I have to tell you that I'm falling in love with you, Katniss." The last words tumbled out of his mouth, spilling forth into her ear and crashing into her brain.

A sudden pressure of hot tears burned in the corners of her eyes.

"I _am_ in love with you," he said slowly, deliberately.

A shaky exhale escaped her mouth. She wanted to scream, to sing. Every cell in her body was dancing. As she blinked back tears, she whispered back to him. "I'm in love with you, too. So, so much." She closed her eyes, not completely believing what she just did.

He exhaled, but he didn't look at her. "I mean it, Katniss," he said, nervously. "You don't have to say it back to me just to make me feel better."

_How can he think it's not real? Doesn't he understand how hard that was to say?_

She grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at her. "I _do_ have to say it, because I mean it. And I've been dying to say it for so long, but I was too scared. I love you, Peeta."

He leaned back and looked at her, studying her face. "You love me," he said cautiously. "Real or not real?"

Every moment of fear and doubt was forgotten, and she was now as sure of this as anything. _My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am twenty-two years old. I work at District Twelve Park. I take care of my sister, Prim. I am in love with Peeta Mellark._

She stared into his eyes, trying to pour every ounce of intent and sincerity into one word – one word that seemed to hold more importance than any other word that had ever passed through her lips.

"Real."

His smile grew until it stole the breath from her lungs. A fat tear escaped her eye and slid into the tiny dimple on the left corner of her own smile. He kissed it away.

"I should be brave more often," he mumbled against her cheek. "I love you, Katniss."

"I love you, Peeta," she said. It felt so natural, yet so exciting to say. The words rolled off her tongue with such ease; it was as if her mouth was made to say this to him.

"That's what I was trying to tell you. For weeks, really. But I tried to tell you by writing on your back, because I was too nervous to just say it. Ridiculous, huh?" he said.

She groaned and scrunched up her face. Was she really about to admit this? "No… because I've been doing the same thing to you. I wrote it on your arm this morning, because I had to say it in some way or I was going to explode."

He smiled again. "So you were nervous, too?"

She nodded.

He held his hand to her cheek, and shook his head in disbelief. "How could you be nervous? Don't you realize… Katniss, you have no idea. The effect you can have."

Another tear fell, but she didn't mind. He loved her. She loved him. They were in love, together.

"Stay with me?" she whispered.

He nodded. "Always."

They kissed, whispering their love for each other against swollen lips and excited skin. They were flying, they were on fire, they were the only thing that felt real to them. They couldn't stop smiling.

The words flew out between them, there was no longer any fear holding them back. They planned a future together – not one based on milestones of marriage and kids, but the little things that made life so much richer.

He told her he wanted to be the one who greeted her after a long day at work, and rub her shoulders as they watched TV together. He wanted to bake her cheese buns as often as she wanted, just to see the crooked but satisfied smile she always wore when she ate them. He wanted to hear her sing in the shower. He wanted to watch every movie he would ever see with her, and tell her bad jokes, and have jokes that only the two of them understood.

She wanted to watch him draw and marvel as he made a canvas come alive. She wanted to help him study and prepare for his master's, and reward him with kisses when he answered correctly. She wanted to run her hands through his curls every night to help him fall asleep. She wanted to be there when he cooked, and be the one he asked for an opinion on how something tasted. She wanted to be the one he would call when something funny happened to him during the day, or something bad, or anything, really.

He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and study her skin, to learn the story of every scar and mark.

She wanted to kiss every one of his freckles, and figure out which one was her favorite. She wanted to see every shade of blue his eyes could reflect.

He wanted to be the one who took care of her, not because she needed it but because she loved him enough to let him.

She wanted to be the one he came to when he had a bad day, so she could sing in his ear and make the pain go away.

He wanted to know all of her sensitive spots, and the noise she would make for each one.

She wanted to be the one to make him lose his way with words in the heat of the moment.

They wanted to wake up every morning and be greeted by the other's smiling face, and fall in love a little bit more every day.

There in her bed, which soon would be their bed, they discovered their love together. That morning, they alternated between pledging their love for each other with words and with actions. Their bodies and minds found bliss.

In that place where hard meets soft, where warm meets hot.

Where strumming pulses rise and promises are made in the mind and the heart.

Where eyes meet and find the rest of their lives in each other's gaze.

Where hands feel empty unless filled with the other's touch.

Where futures are planned and shared dreams become reality.

Where love is shared in the body, the mind and the heart.

_Here is the place where I love you._


	17. Chapter 17

_This is the last chapter of my first fanfic. Thank you all so much for reading, reviewing and following this story and for your encouragement and comments along the way. I'm blown away that so many people read and actually enjoyed this. What can I say, my heart is filled with love for you all._

_Thanks again to the magnificent for-prim for betaing and holding my hand throughout this story. I could not have done it without you._

* * *

(Three years later)

Katniss wasn't supposed to be working today. And she wasn't – not really. Checking emails certainly wasn't the same as working. She was just making sure that everything in the park was going smoothly, and that the requisitions she and her assistant had put in were going smoothly.

_That's not "working," that's just being a good supervisor._

_Who am I kidding, I'm working._

The change in leadership at the park had happened over two and a half years ago. It was a Thursday morning, and Katniss hadn't had any reason to believe that day would be any different from any other workday at District 12 Park. But she'd known something was up when she walked in at 7:30 a.m. and saw the light on in Seneca's office. He was never in before nine or even ten a.m., even in the previous few months when he had been trying to show off his skills for his own supervisor and planning his expected promotion. In about three years of working for Seneca, he'd never showed up before she did.

Technically, his streak remained unbroken. She never saw him again, though.

A rotund, middle-aged man with kind eyes and a blindingly white smile named Plutarch sat in Seneca's chair, and informed her that it was, in fact, no longer Seneca's chair at all. For the next month it would be his chair, and after that it would be the chair of the new Park Director. Specifically, Katniss – if she would accept.

"We've been monitoring the operations of this park for several months now, and there's been a lot of impressive work out of District 12 Park. Work gets done under budget and before schedule, the area is possibly the most well-maintained of any park in the state, and visitor numbers have been steadily increasing," Plutarch had said, leaning back in his new chair. _Well, new to him._ "Since these results most definitely did not come from Seneca, we asked around about you. Seems you have quite a reputation with the rangers and the community as the one who does everything."

Katniss wasn't sure if that supposed to be a good thing or not. She was pleased to be recognized for her work, but if her ability to get things done at the park and creatively manage the budget and resources cost Seneca his job, she wasn't sure if she was about to be praised for doing well or admonished for making a well-connected employee look bad in comparison.

"Seneca had lots of connections, and a college degree, and years of experience. I don't have any of that," she had protested. "I'm not qualified to do his job. I just did what needed to be done."

"If Seneca had used any of his qualifications to his advantage, he would be here right now. Instead, he pissed his time away preening and playing Farmville while letting you do his work for him. Besides, Miss Everdeen, you have been here almost three years and done an outstanding job. You have the utmost respect of other employees, rangers, supervisors, and the community. As for the college degree, I think I have a way to work around that," Plutarch had said.

He had explained that while he personally valued experience and a hard work ethic over a degree, he did not have the power to remove the stipulation for advanced education, and her promotion could not be approved by the Parks and Recreation Department without some sort of college training. To rectify this, he proposed a compromise – if she was willing to take relevant coursework at the local college on evenings or weekends and start immediately, her promotion – and the salary increase – would be approved right away. The department would cover the tuition, and would even fund enough for her to earn her degree, if she chose.

Technically, she'd never said 'yes'. But the shocked expression on her face and sputtering noises emerging from her throat as she frantically nodded had said enough for her to accept the opportunity of a lifetime.

"Excuse me, but you're not supposed to be working today, Miss Everdeen."

Katniss looked up from her computer screen and smiled. "That color looks good on you, Prim."

Her little sister smiled and smoothed down the sides of her emerald-green silk dress. "It better look good, I'm the one who picked it out. Now stop working, we're going to be late!"

Katniss booted down her computer and nodded. "I was not working, I was checking my email. That's totally different," she rationalized.

Prim rolled her eyes and snorted a laugh in response while closing the door to Katniss's office, allowing them privacy. "You're ridiculous, you know. You're not even dressed yet, Katniss. Come on." She grabbed the black garment bag from the back of the office door and unzipped it. It was a simple dress, because sequins and embellishments were not really Katniss's thing. The scalloped hem fell just below Katniss's knees, because she didn't want to it to get caught on the brush and rocks of the trail. While simple in looks and construction, the dress was still by far the most fancy and beautiful item of clothing Katniss had ever owned. To be honest, Katniss would really have preferred to wear her favorite jeans. But she had promised Prim and her mother that she'd wear this, and as Prim eased her into the dress, Katniss was secretly thankful that she had acquiesced to this tradition.

As Prim carefully zipped up the back of the dress, their mother came in the office with a tote bag. Katniss was wary of this bag – she saw Prim pack it the night before – but she had agreed to submit herself to whatever they had planned. It was a special day, after all. And she trusted her sister and her mother to go easy on her.

"Don't worry, we won't make you look like someone else," Clara said with a wink, pulling a curling iron and small makeup case from the tote bag.

"We want Peeta to still recognize you out there, after all," Prim said with a warm smile.

Katniss bit her lip and grinned at the mention of his name, and she calmly sat down in her chair so that Clara and Prim could get started. They added a bit of curl to her hair once Katniss had agreed to wear it down and added a light touch of make-up. They didn't have to do much – Katniss was already glowing with excitement and anticipation of what was to come. Besides, Peeta had often said he thought she was gorgeous no matter what she wore, and they knew he meant it.

After a short period of time, Prim and Clara looked at Katniss, then each other before declaring their work complete. Clara handed Katniss a pair of light-blue, silk flats and helped her slide them on. Flat shoes were a must today – high heels would be no good for trail walking, and any stilettos would just sink in the grass. Prim pulled a hand mirror out of the tote bag and showed the results of their efforts to Katniss.

"You're looking good, sis," she said warmly.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Kitten," Clara said.

"Hey, you might even get lucky tonight," Prim teased.

Katniss cracked up. "I better."

Clara shook her head, laughing softly as she pulled a small box from the tote bag and offered it to Katniss. "I do think you need a little something to complete the look," she said.

Katniss opened the jeweler's box and gasped – nestled inside the soft pink velvet casing were a pair of gold earrings, with a square emerald dangling from each post. She remembered them from years ago – they were her mother's favorite earrings, a treasured gift from Mr. Everdeen after Katniss had been born.

"Your father gave these to me to celebrate you. It seems fitting that you wear them today." Clara took the earrings out of the box and carefully put them on Katniss, smiling at this simple act that meant so much to the both of them.

"Mom, I can't take these," Katniss protested. It was taking everything in her power to hold her tears at bay right now. She really did not want to cry, not before the event even started.

"You're not taking them. You're borrowing them," Clara said with a wink.

"You have everything else, right?" Prim asked.

"I do," Katniss said. She looked over her shoes, an antique gold and pearl bracelet from Marilyn, and her very new dress. "Give me some credit - you and Delly didn't plan _everything, _you know."

A knock on the closed office door stopped Prim from giving a smartass reply. "Are you decent?" a voice shouted from the other side.

Clara opened the door and stepped aside for Gale to enter. "I think she's ready," she said, smiling.

Gale walked through the door but soon stopped short, beaming when he saw Katniss standing before him. "You clean up nice, Everdeen."

She smiled but blushed at the compliment. "Not so bad yourself, Hawthorne."

He smoothed down his tie before buttoning his gray suit jacket closed. "I know. I might get lucky tonight," he joked.

"Yeah, if you don't fall asleep first," Katniss joked. Gale and Madge's son was now five months old and still not sleeping through the night. The new parents were constantly exhausted but still glowing with happiness.

He shook his head confidently. "Toby is staying with my mom tonight, and I've had three cups of coffee. I'm good."

Prim checked her phone for the time. "You guys ready to get this show on the road?"

Katniss looked at Gale, hoping he had checked everything else before coming to the office. "Is everyone else ready?"

"They are," he nodded. "He's there."

She took a deep breath. "Let's go." She grabbed a large bouquet from her desk, and accepted Gale's proffered arm. It was time.

It was a relatively short walk once they left the office – a newly built trail made it much easier to get to the meadow. Technically, it was called "Trail D12-J," but unofficially it was the James Everdeen Trail. It had been one of the first projects Katniss requested after her promotion, so that she and everyone else who visited the park could enjoy the beautiful meadow that her father had loved. The meadow that she still visited sometimes in her dreams. Today though, the trail was closed to the public and reserved for a private event. _Being in charge did have its perks_, Katniss thought with a smile.

After a walk of about ten minutes, the four of them reached the entrance to the clearing, and paused. There were people in the meadow – not many, just a couple dozen of their family and friends facing away from them. Katniss couldn't see what they were looking at, but she knew. She'd be seeing it herself in just a moment.

Prim peeked through the entrance and gave someone a thumbs up, then turned to Katniss and smiled proudly at her big sister. "Ready?" she whispered as she clutched Katniss's hands.

Katniss nodded, grinning back. "I am."

The sisters hugged, whispering "I love you" to each other before Prim pulled away and walked into the clearing, clutching a small bouquet of sunset-colored lilies. Gale took Katniss's right arm and Clara took her left, being careful not to disturb Katniss's own bouquet.

Together, they walked through the clearing and into the meadow.

_This is it. This is really happening._

It was a day she had known was inevitable since she confessed her love to Peeta three years ago, and he confessed his. From that day forward, their hearts, minds, and bodies belonged to each other. Today only made it official.

In the months leading up to this moment, she wondered what she would feel like when it actually happened. Would she cry? Would she be scared?

But now, as she stood in the entrance to her beloved meadow and prepared to become Peeta Mellark's wife in front of their closest friends and family, she felt pure, unrestrained happiness.

Prim walked down the makeshift aisle a few steps ahead. She was every bit a young woman now, graced with maturity beyond her years. Of course, a part of Katniss would always see Prim as her "little duck," but her little sister was handling college and living on her own extraordinarily well. In fact, it was Katniss who had cried like a baby on the day Prim moved in to her dorm room at Capitol University. Prim now shared an off-campus apartment with two other students in the pre-med program, and came to visit at least once a month. Katniss had wanted to keep Prim's room set up for her, but Prim insisted that Peeta be allowed to turn it into a studio when he had moved in.

The people in the meadow turned towards Katniss to watch the bride make her way down the aisle, and she took a moment to look every single person in the eye and smile. Every person here had made a significant impact in her life or Peeta's, and she couldn't imagine going through with this without them.

There was Plutarch, her boss who had believed in her and encouraged her every step of the way. After she had marked two years as Park Supervisor and finished the required coursework with straight A's, he had encouraged her to consider working towards another promotion to the Parks Commission. But she'd declined – she couldn't imagine working anywhere else than the park she grew up in, keeping her own little spot of heaven in order.

There was Madge, now known in her school as Mrs. Hawthorne. She held Toby in her arms as he slept soundly on Madge's shoulder. The first time Katniss had met Madge, she knew she was meeting Gale's future wife. Madge and Gale complemented each other remarkably well, and it wasn't long before Gale was asking for Katniss's opinion on an engagement ring and ways to propose. Katniss had always secretly worried that when Gale decided to settle down, there would not be room in his life for their friendship. Instead, she was now thankful to be able to call Madge a very dear friend as well, and she was honored to be Toby's godmother.

There was Johanna, who was giving Katniss her usual lopsided smirk but laced with genuine love. Johanna had ended up being the one to give Peeta advice on proposing to Katniss, because every other woman he asked advised him to do something over-the-top and obnoxiously public and romantic. He knew that wasn't Katniss's style. Peeta and Johanna had become good friends, staying in touch even after his physical therapy had completed. Last year, they ran a half-marathon together and joked about sharing the tortures of training. "We've become familiar with each other's screams," Johanna had joked to Katniss after a particularly brutal training run one day. Johanna never let either of them take anything too seriously, especially themselves. She liked to tell them that she was the friend who would help them bury the bodies, and Katniss loved her for her fierce devotion and friendship.

There was Finnick and his beautiful wife Annie, both smiling broadly at her. Finnick's arm was clutching Annie closely to him, and his free hand rested on her protruding stomach, his wedding ring reflecting the sunlight. When Katniss had first met Annie over a year ago, she thought the quiet, dark-haired woman was beautiful. But pregnancy had made her even more lovely, and impending fatherhood only seemed to make Finnick more handsome. Their love for each other and the family they were creating brought out the best in each other, and no one could question their love.

There was Haymitch and Effie, he in a wrinkled brown suit and she in a blinding yellow cocktail dress. Katniss thought they made an unlikely couple, but then again Katniss and Haymitch were unlikely friends. In fact, neither of them would probably ever use the word "friends" to describe them, but there was no better term. She still called him a mean, drunken asshole, and he still called her a stubborn idiot, but there was a mutual respect and understanding that passed between the two of them. They understood each other's losses and what they had done to survive. She still saw him once a week, as her shoulder still had difficulties from time to time. Neither would admit it, but they both looked forward to their Wednesday morning sessions with each other.

There was Uncle Chaff, looking very handsome in a new navy suit. Clara had been determined to help her brother as he had helped her, and had started bringing him to church and social events with her to help him reacquaint himself with the world. He struggled at first in church, at odds with his spirituality and his own anger against the idea of a greater power that allowed the atrocities of war to pass. But he seemed to be coming to terms with his anger and had many one-on-one sessions with the pastor to work out his feelings towards God. It also helped that he met a lovely woman he first referred to as "Ms. Seeder," a widow in Clara's support group. Ms. Seeder sat next to him now, smiling proudly at Katniss and Clara and knowing how much this moment meant to them both.

There were Jim and Marilyn, sitting proudly in the front row and positively beaming at Katniss. She smiled when she saw that they were both crying, each clutching their own handkerchief and dabbing delicately at their eyes. The Mellarks had been incredibly welcoming to the Everdeens, including Clara and Uncle Chaff when they began to visit the girls. Clara and Uncle Chaff would actually stay at the Mellarks' house instead of with Katniss when they visited. Uncle Chaff liked to get up early and go golfing with Jim, and Clara found it a bit too disturbing to stay in that house and relive so many painful memories of her husband's death and her own depression. Katniss did her best to understand and accept that her mother still had trouble with grief, but she loved her mother for trying and for living up to her word of working to be a part of her daughters' lives again. In Jim and Marilyn, the Everdeens had found a loving family who had welcomed them and their problems into their homes and their lives with open arms.

There was Delly, standing at the altar in a gown that matched Prim's. She liked to joke that she was the "best wo-man," but Peeta hadn't wanted anyone else to stand up next to him today. Like Peeta, she was warm and friendly and funny, but she had a fiery personality that was distinctly her own. Katniss had become very close to Delly in the past three years and considered her to be like another sister, and Delly felt the same way about her and Prim. Both women were fiercely protective of those they loved, and that included each other. Katniss had loved watching Delly meet and fall in love with her own soulmate, Thom, and she took a moment to smile at him from his seat behind Jim and Marilyn. In six months, she and Peeta would be watching as Delly and Thom married.

There was Gale on her left arm, taking on the role that her father would have had he been alive. Katniss and Gale were always able to communicate without words, but she had made sure to tell him how important he was to her. Gale was more than a friend to her – he was a brother, a confidant, a cheering section, and a reality check when she needed it. It seemed like it was yesterday since they were little kids, climbing trees and playing in the mud. In a way, she still felt like a little kid, but she could not be more proud of the man Gale had become.

There was Clara on her right arm, proudly escorting her daughter who had to grow up overnight without her mother but still had the ability to love unconditionally. Clara had made leaps and bounds in her recovery since reuniting with her daughters and accepting their forgiveness. There were still days where Clara thought she couldn't bear to get out of bed, but she fought by thinking of everything she had in her life that she was grateful for. With the happy life that she had made for herself and the presence of her daughters and their support system, Clara had a lot to be grateful for. Her daughters had much to be grateful for in Clara.

There was Prim, a few steps ahead of her and leading the way. In a way, Prim had been leading the way for Katniss for a very long time. She was the first to try and move beyond her grief by cultivating a richer life full of friends, schoolwork, and interests. She was the first to find happiness after their father's death and the first to forgive their mother. Now, she was the first on their dad's side of the family to go to college. Katniss knew that Prim looked up to her, but she didn't think it could compare to how much she looked up to Prim. Her little sister was her driving force, her strongest defender, her biggest cheerleader, and her inspiration.

And then, there he was. Waiting for her, to start the rest of their lives together.

Peeta stood at the altar, beaming at the sight of his bride-to-be in her simple white lace wedding dress. He wore a simple gray suit that contrasted with the rising pink in his cheeks and the watery blue of his eyes – so watery in fact that Katniss wondered if he was fighting away tears. She fought back a laugh when she saw the special boutonniere in his lapel – a cluster of bright yellow dandelions. Since she had told him about this meadow and how the sight of dandelions reminded her of him and brought her hope, he took every opportunity he had to pick them and leave them in places for her to find around the house. He exhaled in laughter when he saw the same dandelions laced throughout her bouquet of sunset-orange lilies.

He thought she had never looked more beautiful.

She thought she was the luckiest person in the world.

Peeta once told her that he knew he wanted to marry her ever since the day they met. It had taken Katniss a bit longer to come to the same conclusion, but this day was inevitable. Since the day when they confessed their love to each other with whispering kisses and heartfelt promises, they both knew that they wanted to be together as long as the other would have them. So they took every opportunity to tell each other how they felt, so the other would know how very loved they were.

Their declarations of love were small but true, because they both believed that the smallest things meant the most. At the arch made of fallen tree branches the rangers had gathered, Gale and Clara kissed Katniss's cheeks and each gave Peeta a hug. Peeta offered his arm to Katniss and leaned down to kiss the faded scar on her shoulder. It had become one their favorite routines – once a day, they kissed each other's scars and said a silent "thank you" for the circumstances that brought them into each other's lives.

Everyone had expected them to write their own vows, but they declined. They preferred to keep the intimacy and privacy of their own vows to themselves, because the words were only meant for each other's ears. As they shared their traditional vows in front of their loved ones, they remembered the ones they had shared to each other the night before, in front of their fireplace in worn pajamas and toasting homemade bread in the flames to feed each other.

"To have and to hold from this day forward,"

_I promise to have fun growing old with you, and love every wrinkle and every day. I promise to kiss every inch of you, even if it means bending over and breaking my hip._

"For better or for worse,"

_I promise to never forget how much we love each other, even when we're upset at each other. Even when we don't love ourselves. I promise to let you in even when I want to shut the rest of the world out._

"For richer, for poorer,"

_I promise to remember that no matter what we have or what we do in life, the only thing we need to survive is each other. I promise to kiss you every day, every chance I get, because your love makes me the richest person alive._

"In sickness and in health,"

_I promise to bring you tissues and that tea you like when you're sick, and to hold your hand when you're scared. I promise to love you, even if you vomit or bleed on me._

"To love and to cherish,"

_Your love makes me a better person, and I promise to spend the rest of my life thanking you for that. I promise to never take you for granted, because my world was so cold before I met you._

"From this day forward"

_I promise I will stay with you._

"Until death do us part."

_Always._

* * *

Visit me on tumblr (fnurfnur), where I talk about this fic, the fics I am working on, and general shenanigans.


End file.
